Talking, just talking.

Thats what I did today. Talked, no hidden motives, no fantasy game, just plain old "here it is" talking.

As I did that I slowly "awakened" and realised T is sitting right in front of me, and the 2 levels I have been functioning on, starting to peel.

I felt I was being real, and I felt T was there in the room as well.

She asked about the emails the wkend. I said it was either email her with my pain or drink, and I choose to risk the rejection by her rather than drink.

She asked me what I thought her reaction to my emails would be?

I said I afraid you'd email me back saying not to keep emailing you. She kinda of laughted and said that would be a nice thing to say to someone reaching out for help.

I feel more together today, having talked over my childhood guilt at never feeling I was grateful enought to my adoptive mother, who told me what grateful should look like

I never seemed to reach her delusions, now I know why. Its actually quite funny if it weren't so sad. Being told what love and gratitude "should" look like, instead of allowing the person to show their own understanding and meaning of love and gratitude.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse_ said:
As I did that I slowly "awakened" and realised T is sitting right in front of me, and the 2 levels I have been functioning on, starting to peel.

I felt I was being real, and I felt T was there in the room as well.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Those feelings stay but there's still even more betterer to happen :-)

Congratulations on the fruits of all your hard work.

The title of your post got my attention right away because "just talk" is the phrase I probably hear the most from my T.

Don't they realize how hard that is??

That's great that you were able to let go and just talk.

Sometimes we grow up with a very narrow vision because we were brought up with and idea of what something "should" be. That now we are "allowed" to feel other ways.

Also, congratulations on choosing a healthy coping mechanism over the weekend.

What can I say, Mouse...you are in inspiration! You and your t! Wishing you continued success in your self-discovery, self-mastery, and self-development!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
She asked about the emails the wkend. I said it was either email her with my pain or drink, and I choose to risk the rejection by her rather than drink.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I trust she understood and appreciated the enormity of this. You are a very strong person.

(( Mouse ))

..