Couch 140: Knocking pans

i wrote about my old t in the thread about famous T and i decided to look up what she has been up to and it made me miss working with her.if i could have only appreciated who she was and how good she was then

I need to vent about my h. I don't know how to handle this. The last couple days he's been feeling miserable (his stomach issues again, he gets really bad and painful gas despite the meds he's on) and I've been just staying out of his way the best I can, but this morning he totally lost his **** at our son. At 5:45am while I was getting ready for work. He was yelling at him something awful about "why haven't you saved more money there's no excuse" etc etc etc I was crying, son was crying, I felt so helpless and hopeless. I have NEVER heard him yell like that before, ever. Then he stomped out and went back to bed and I tried to talk to son a little bit. But I had to go to work, so didn't have long. Son had to go to work too. So I left. Then apparently the two of them talked a little bit more after I left, h said they were both crying and son hugged him back and said he loved him and said Dad I've never seen you cry before. (son texted me the last part a little while ago). H is home now (son isn't yet) and h said I should have gone into work late that this should have been more important to me. But I don't have the luxury of just going in late like h does with his job, and to compound things I really really resent being accused of thinking my job is more important than my family. I hate this whole situation so much. I know it's between h and son to fix this. But my heart is hurting so much over it. I don't know what to do. I just don't. I can't handle this. H told me later he is so frustrated with son because son doesn't understand that he is getting older and his stomach issue is getting worse and he's terrified he's going to develop alzheimer's and he only has very little time left to teach son everything he needs to know but son won't listen. Of course he didn't say any of this to son, he just yelled at him and told him tired of it and you need to straighten up and save money and you have your whole life ahead of you and I've saved you so much money by keeping you on our insurance and having you pay your portion instead of getting it on your own, and we pay your cell phone bill every month, and you're not paying rent, you should be able to save x amount of dollars. Which is true, he should be saving more than he is, but he's also 18 and this is his first job and he's working his butt off in college (got 2 A's and a B in his classes this semester btw) and learning how to manage his money. No he's not perfect yet. I see part of h's point, we are older parents and won't be around as long as younger parents will for their kids if he gets into trouble, but at the same time I feel like he was way too hard on him, and I felt so miserable about it all day at work that I couldn't focus, I forgot to go to lunch until I noticed it was time for me to come BACK from lunch, I kept making mistakes and having to redo things, I just feel wretched, and h is now asleep in his recliner. I really don't know how to handle all of this. And I know it's not that big of a thing compared to other things that could be going on with son, but it's just, it hurts me so much to see this happening. I honestly this morning, just wanted to pack a bag and leave. I don't understand what made my h totally flip out like that. True, son DOES need to learn to save. I'm not denying that fact. But this **** this morning was just completely out of control and all kinds of wrong and I hate it and I don't know how to handle it. At least I see t on Wednesday. Ugh. Sorry couch. I really needed to get this out and if anyone read this far, I could use a few hugs.

(((Art)))

I would stay out of whatever goes on between H and son. Son needs to be an adult in more ways than one, and dealing with your H one on one is a step towards that. Sounds like they did it a bit this morning.

I would however tell H that your job is different from his, you are the primary breadwinner (I think) and refuse to give in on this. You did what you thought was best, plus H had already gone to bed, right? - and I wonder if they would ever have talked on their own and cried together if you had been there? Both would have turned to you instead.

I told h in my own defense, that if I had stayed, I would have made things worse because I was crying. I didn't think about that though, that they probably would not have talked if I had stayed. I don't know. But thanks so much. (oh and yeah I kind of am, I'm the one with insurance and I make more than he does, not a lot more anymore since he started working more, but still. I'm the one with the insurance.)

Ugh, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. What really jumps out at me is how he was the one who started all this, then he went back to bed, and he acted like you should have gone into work late??? Like he starts the whole thing, then expects you to pick up the pieces before you go to work late. And yes, your son needs to learn to save, but as you know your H isn't going to teach him that by screaming at him. He has to learn in his own way. Is your son still seeing his T? And I'm glad you see yours on Wed.

Also, could your H try seeing a new doctor for his stomach? If it's making him miserable, that's probably contributing (not that it's an excuse to yell at your son at all...)

Aquarium pics

One more day!!!

Cool pics, JD! the turtle is my favorite.

I was going to go to sleep but then I looked at the news.

Yeah, son is still seeing his t, which I'm very thankful for. He's really getting a lot out of therapy so far - he just told me a couple minutes ago that they were talking about how I have always been a buffer between him and his Dad and I kind of "grew him up to be a wimp". He said I was too empathetic with him. I told him honestly, that was my reaction to being raised with no empathy from my own mother. So I probably did overdo it with him. I just love him so much. I guess I didn't know how to do it any differently... oh yeah son also told me that seeing his dad cry this morning when they were talking just them two, he said that was the most vulnerable his Dad has ever been with him, and he could see how hard it was for his Dad to be that vulnerable. So yes it was good that i went to work.

anyway h does need to go to the doctor. he did already change to a new one last time he went, we really like this new one a lot, she didn't change his meds last time because he was feeling pretty good at the time. But she seems really on the ball about stuff so I think I'll gently suggest he make an appointment. Thanks LT.

During my swim today I realized I could practice handstands in the pool. At least until I get used to being upside down.

I wish I knew how to swim. I never learned. I don't have the coordination. My husband tried showing me a few years back how to swim and I couldn't do it. Not to mention I was afraid to let go of the side of the pool. I'm 5'8 and won't stand in more than 3 feet of water. haha

Yeah...scary...

Ugh. My heart goes out to everyone effected by what happened.

I dont get it. Thats targeted to young girls. Thats so heinous.

I've been under a rock today and just saw.... hugs and support from Boston....

Get a kickboard. It made a swimmer outa me.

It really is. I've lost my faith in humanity a long time ago and an incident like that just reinforces what a ****ed up world we live in.

The pool is the only place I can do handstands! haha. At camp when I taught the highest level of swimmers, we did upside-down bobs. Those were fun.

I saw. Are you near there. Is anyone here

i haven't seen the news yet... i better see what's going on

eta omg heinous is right. things like that make a person lose faith in humanity. my heart is breaking for everyone involved.

I just checked myself.

I have never held a very good view of humanity, but when Newton happened, all of my shred of "but good will prevail!" went down the drain.

If it helps at all -random acts of mass violence are not a modern construct. History is rife with seemingly senseless acts of mass violence. I really don't think the world is any more ****ed up now than it has been all along.

you really would have thought that THAT would be what would make people be like okay umm we need to do something. but no. status quo ad infinitum