How many times can you *forgive* a pdoc/therapist if they repeatedly make mistakes and/or give wrong advice/information?

Obviously it depends on the severity and types of mistakes/misinformation, so what is your criteria for firing a therapist/pdoc?

Thinking about firing...

Edit: interpret "wrong advice" however you want. e.g., "your friend is mean? Punch them in the face!"

[ShashaCruz]

i have court order so cannot change counselor without court approval

[kecanoe]

Not very many. About as many times as I would forgive a GP. Like you said, it depends on the severity/type. I was in treatment for a few years before being diagnosed with DID. Prior to that they used depression and anxiety as diagnoses for insurance billing, medicated me for depression and anxiety, tried to address those things in therapy. I'm ok with that. Now it's ok for pdoc to say that there are no meds for DID, but meds can help with anxiety which is one of my symptoms of DID.

I don't expect perfection, but I do expect professionalism. Which includes apologizing for mistakes and owning them. And not suggesting things that are obviously dumb.

My T's and Pdocs weren't in the habit of making lots of mistakes, certainly not things I would consider mistakes. Does that mean I always agreed with them? No, but I don't consider disagreement about things necessarily mistakes, just points for consideration (or no consideration). That's up to me. But honestly, with therapists, they weren't in the habit of giving advice (like punch your friend in the face -- was that serious or facetious?), so it wasn't much of an issue.

Actual mistakes? Errors in treatment. Errors in management of their practice. Errors in their approach. Just stupid judgment. I wouldn't give much grace to those kinds of errors with any paid professional.

[stopdog]

I found a second one who was better and kept the first to compare and contrast. But I rarely let either give me advice. I have had to tell them quite firmly that their advice was unwanted and not useful.
And I stopped trying to use them for anything other than to sit there while I rattled on about my dying person/western medine insanity.
If not for my peron's illness, I would have gotten rid of both.

[anais_anais]

Have never fired a T.

I fired the pdoc I was required to see upon release from IP. I told him I was no longer sui and that I felt the depression was situational and would pass, but that I had crippling anxiety and panic attacks daily. That I'd tried numerous types of antidepressants in the past and they all severely messed with me so please let's not do that again.

He insisted on prescribing me one of the meds I explicitly told him was ineffective before. Nothing for the anxiety. Insisted it would work this time. I wanted a smaller dose to start but he insisted a smaller dose did not exist (it does because it's what I took the first time). The first day I took it I vomitted, was slurring my speech, had blurry vision, heart palpitations, gait and movement problems, so I called his emergency number. He said that was normal and to give it three more weeks.

Fired him over the phone, loudly and angrily. Tossed the meds and never went back.

It was easy though, since I'd seen him only once and had no personal relationship. In fact I'd say he had the personality of the soggy moldy string beans I tossed yesterday. My criteria, then-- I suppose it's gross negligence and mismanagement, in addition to acting in a way that was diametrically opposed to what I reported to him.

[laxer12]

I have never even slightly considered firing a T. None of them have made many mistakes and if they have, they were very minor. I'm also pretty quick to forgive though with my attachment issues so it would have to be something big or repeated for me to get to that point.

[anais_anais]

Maybe more helpful to you than my anecdote-- if I were in this situation with someone I had a longer working relationship with, I would be asking myself if the pdoc's blunders were more obstuctive than helpful to the improvement or maintenence of my health. If i found the person generally tolerable, there was still general improvement, and the mistakes were of a forgivable, non-endangering sort, I'd probably stay.

[atisketatasket]

I don't think I forgive. Second chances, maybe, but not forgiveness. Let's see:

Marshmallow, excused cancelation of session 30 minutes beforehand, could not excuse allowing previous session to run over by 30 minutes the very next week

DBC: excused all kinds of small annoyances and arrogances, breaking point was when she decided to tell me I had a disorder that I don't get anywhere near the DSM-5 criteria for and that previous providers agreed with her (this was not true), all in the name of "I'm being honest with you"

Smaug (this may not be a firing, she gave me an ultimatum and I walked): looked past her screwing up a drug dosage, which made me extra-suicidal, could not look past the ultimatum, then discovered financial hanky-panky

No. 1: lots of annoyances, attempts to touch, then I left the country and chose not to go back when I returned

Former surgeon: excused interruption of first surgery and poor manner with which it was dealt, could not excuse further incompetence by office in general afterwards

I have a low tolerance level for people screwing up. (Except, apparently, for No. 3.)

[AllHeart]

It would depend on how they worked to fix their screw ups. I guess if they consistently made enough mistakes, or repeated the same mistakes often I'd question their competence or our compatability and probably move on. If the mistakes were bigger I'd only allow for a couple. Above all else, I would base my decision to leave on my intuition.

[stopdog]

I tried seeing one about 18 years ago - I saw her just a short while before saying I was not coming back. She said "you can't just quit" I said "watch me" and that was that.

I fired the first t I tried by walking out of the first session. He was a pompous windbag who tried to make me say things that were not true.

[luvnola]

It would depend. If one gave me bad advice I'd just think they were stupid or something and wouldn't follow it. If it happened more than once, but they were okay otherwise, i'd just tell them to stop giving me advice.

I've fired a few ts thru the years. One for being habitually late and running sessions over. I hate poor time management and thought it was arrogant that she thought it was okay to be late as long as she gave me my entire time. I had to go back to work and couldn't stay over when she was late. It's just rude too.

I left another t bc she shared too much about herself and her life, even after I asked her to stop. I felt like she should have been paying me to listen to her!

And i left a few bc they didn't know what they were doing.

[nottrustin]

Never fired a t or proc. I have been very fortunate to have received referrals from people I trusted in the field or other providers. I did see a T for a EMDR consult a couple of months ago. It was a nightmare..so I cancelled my followup with her.

[nottrustin]

When it comes to forgiving mistakes how would you handle this??

Last summer pdoc accepted a position at a new facility. She use to work in the same facility I do so easy to contact. I could send her email through our email system etc. The new facility is about an hour away. I followed her. Drive isn't as convenient but worth it as we work well together. She knows my issues with meds and works with me. She knows if I am not comfortable with a med I am not going to take it. So pushing me is not helpful. .She also works with me went I decide to stop my meds for a short period of time. When I can tell my mood starts slipping I go back on them. I know pdoc and t aren't happy with it but they accept it and work with it.

The issue is the new facility itself the phone system sucks. Each provider is assigned a support person. When I call with the exception of scheduling issues I can only talk to the support person. The problem is the support person is never available to answer so it goes to voicemail. I have never received a call back the same day. The call back is has never been about what I called about...and because I don't answer my phone while at work, I always get a voicemail. It is very frustrating. I have voiced that frustration. She is just as frustrated. I can't imagine getting a new pdoc but not sure this is something I can deal with.