[Sarmas]

I've come to acknowledge how important it is for a therapist to incorporate consistency in the therapeutic relationship. I think this has been one of the major issues that I've come across with my kids T. She has a full schedule and has two jobs. Before going on maternity leave she weaned my boys by cutting down sessions to every other week. She then left and they were seeing someone else until her return. Somehow there was a "confusion" of which we were unaware of according to maternity at they were going to stay with substitute T. We were all unaware of this. We fixed that issue but now it's been a month a they haven't returned to their normal schedule prior to her weaning. They're having issues especially my youngest but she doesn't have the time to see them because they are more like floating on her schedule. Somehow they got displaced once she weaned them for their benefit. I still don't see how it turned out to be for their benefit. They really like her and she's great. She really tries but I think she underestimated their need for therapy but I think she's realizing now that there's an issue. We had an issue involving my youngest father but she doesn't want me to get involved but she's not available so how can I not get involved. I have other issues I'm dealing with plus now this and my T is MIA in between sessions. My coping skills are horrible. How do you develop trust with an inconsistent T?

My one friend had a mandatory therapy session today and when time was up she wasn't ready to leave. She left feeling suicidal and not being able to function but had no idea what to do. Luckily she contacted me. Sometimes I question Ts and their priorities and intent. It's so difficult not to.

[stopdog]

Why would you want to do so? Why would you not find a consistent one?

[Sarmas]

They have a great relationship with their T and they have been seeing her for some time. This is their second T not counting the sub. I'm not sure what she was thinking when it came to scheduling. What I'm thinking is that she thought that once she dropped them to every other week that she could pick up new clients to fill in those days. The issue is that on her return they lost their original spot. They're not complaining but they notice the change. They go with the flow. I notice it all and I could see that she really wants to work with them and I believe she realizes that she didn't think this one out. I'm now stuck with them and ongoing issues. There were two major issues to address with my youngest and one of the issues I will be facing on Monday with him alone. The other issue can't be addressed until two weeks which is too late by then. So I don't see how this works. It's a tough spot to be in. I really like my T but she's also inconsistent and doesn't get how I'm affected in between sessions. When I see her There's so much to discuss and so much has happened that I can't fill that info in an hour. I give up saying anything. I was going to discuss what happened with my youngest and what's going on Monday but then I figured what's the point.i don't I'm a bit confused.

[atisketatasket]

I am confused about how many therapists we are talking about here. Your therapist is not your sons' therapist? Or is she?

If they are two separate people, it sounds to me that the problem is your therapist, and your sons are okay with their therapist and the changes there? (Though I find it creepy that she "weans" clients.) If they are one person, can you find a therapist of your own to help you individually? Because help for you translates to help for your sons, even if they see a separate therapist.

[GraceHarris]

nice post.

[Sarmas]

No. They're two different therapists. My sons therapist weaned them beside she was going on maternity leave. They didn't understand it and I just went along with it. They were then suppose to go back to seeing her weeks which they never did. Now things aren't being addressed on a timely manner. Things are accumulating and my youngest is having an eventful month.

[Argonautomobile]

Sorry the T is inconsistent. That's rough.

[Moment]

Have you talked about all this directly with the therapists? And discussed ways of making it better?
If you have expressed your concerns clearly, and they are not able to be any more consistent, then I think it's time to look for new therapists.
Consistency is hugely important, in my opinion.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Moment

Have you talked about all this directly with the therapists? And discussed ways of making it better?
If you have expressed your concerns clearly, and they are not able to be any more consistent, then I think it's time to look for new therapists.
Consistency is hugely important, in my opinion.

I didn't speak to my T at all. I was going to speak to her in my last session but she should interest in certain parts of our session which I thought was better than the session two weeks prior. I let that situation go. I did bring up to my T that I have issues in between sessions coping especially when events happen in between sessions. She explained that I can't let external forces control me. That does nothing for me or my situation. It remains a saying in my world.

As for my boys T I think I was more shocked that the session started off with scheduling issues for next week. I thought we had resolved that which is why I wa being patient. When she started again with the same scheduling issue I almost lost hope at the time and I didn't want to deal with it at the time. Also she didn't address a very important issue with my son. Then the one part she addressed half way my son shutdown and dissociated during therapy and went to sleep. That's how his session ended. I was a little disappointed to say the least. I didn't bring it up after the fact. The schedule is still up in the air as to when they go back. She wants me to touch base with her to see if one of my boys can see her Tuesday night which isn't feasible due to a school trip. I really don't want to text her and chase her concerning this. I think at this point she should reach out to me. In fact she asked me last week if I can switch days this week. I remain flexible and I work with her but I feel I'm placating her for her other patients but there's no flexibility for them. It's just disappointing. I was thinking of reaching my T about it being that my boys T and my T are best friends. The issue is that I don't like conflict and my T can't really do anything but hear me complain. Now we are in between sessions and she will find it bothersome if I contact her. Again their T is super nice and great with them when she's there. They really like her but this is our new issue.

[precaryous]

Can you bring the inconsistency issue up with children's T? Tell her this is a problem, ask when she expects she can get them back on whatever schedule you had. If that timeline is unreasonable, I would say it's time to find another T for children.

I wouldn't expect children's T to chase you at this point. It may be upsetting initially but you and your children will have less dissatisfaction and trouble if you take control and be up front with what you and children need. If their T can't provide that, time to move on.

I would not involve your T in this other than support for you during any needed change in children's T.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Can you bring the inconsistency issue up with children's T? Tell her this is a problem, ask when she expects she can get them back on whatever schedule you had. If that timeline is unreasonable, I would say it's time to find another T for children.

I wouldn't expect children's T to chase you at this point. It may be upsetting initially but you and your children will have less dissatisfaction and trouble if you take control and be up front with what you and children need. If their T can't provide that, time to move on.

I would not involve your T in this other than support for you during any needed change in children's T.

Ingad to text her a few hours ago. My youngest came out of school and told me why he shutdown and dissociated. He told me that she was siding with his father and Calling My youngest unfair. My ex left him at home with his girlfriend for three hours with giving my youngest a heads up. My ex girlfriend and him don't get along. My ex lied to the therapist and said that he had a great time eventhough he wasn't there to see it and that he did give my son a heads up the day before. My son was upset and said that he didn't think his therapist would've sided with his father and not believe him. She never told me what she said to him which is fine. He just turned 12. She told me that he shut down and that he was starring into space. He then went to the waiting room and went to sleep right after. She never told me that she called him unfair and so on. I brought his concerns to her attention as soon as I found out and she hasn't answered. She's usually great about answering. I'm guessing with this she's going to get defensive.