Requirements...to picky.

Still looking for a EMDR therapist. Am I being unreasonable in my requirements? They are:

Female with a good amount of experince and about my age or older.

Since I work in. MH facility at various locations (inpatient, outpatient, IOP) nobody I have ever worked with.

Nobody that even though we have never actually worked together On deal with on a regular basis due through work.

Warm and understanding

Have recommendations from people I know and trust

Be able to work with my work schedule
I work 4 yen hour say a so unless they are really close by they have to be a available my one day off. Which seems to be a day many private practice people take off.

Not necessary but prefer somebody in private practice

The only recommendation I have is to drop the need for a recommendation from someone you know and trust. Go with your gut -- you will know when you find the right therapist.

Yes, I think too picky depending on your location. I don't know how populated your area is and how far you are willing to travel on that one day off a week to get this therapy. I think the one way to determine if they are actually too picky is to do the meta search... you have some requirements that are pretty clear... must do EMDR, must be of a certain age or higher, must be female. Try to get a list of those candidates right there and see how many you have to choose from in your area. You might find you only have 1, which means yep, way too picky. You might find that you have 100, which means maybe you could have some of the other things you want too.

I'd say that "too picky" sounds a bit judgemental, and maybe isn't helpful. Can you think of it more like... "Are my requirements helping me find the best person?"

"Too picky" just sounds like there's a value judgement in there.

I'd say - use the requirements that you want, then see what the results are. If you can't find anyone that fits your requirements start thinking about priorities, what things are absolute requirements and which might be flexible.

For example:
- I absolutely agree with you, I wouldn't want to see a therapist that I knew through work - that would be too much conflict of interest for me. That would be a high priority (for me).

- Does the therapist have to be a female? Is it possible that you might find a male who feels safe and is excellent at his job? How about the age requirements (older than you) and years of experience? Is it possible that you could find somebody closer in age to you who may have some experience, but not as much as you'd like in a perfect world?

- What if you found somebody who was really good, but didn't have recommendations from people you know? Would it help if they had positive reviews online? Do you think you could get a feel for how good they are by how they interact with you in the first session or two?

I'm looking for a therapist too now, so I'm going through the same thing (I'm also very picky! ). I'm trying to remind myself that you can't really *know* what a therapist is like until you meet them and work with them. They can be perfect on paper, but horrible in person. They can be highly recommended by friends - and great with those friends - but might not be able to deal with some aspect of your personality, or you might not like something about them that didn't bother your friend. It's all SO subjective, that really, when it gets down to it, you have to schedule an appointment and meet them to see how the chemistry is.

I hate it, personally. I wish there were a better way to get matched with a good-fitting therapist! But, this is all we have right now.

So, can you see which, if any, of your requirements you can relax - then schedule a few appointments with people who might not be perfect, but look like possibilities? Maybe one will surprise you with how awesome they are in person?

Good luck!!!

Here in England there aren't too many EMDR T's - I'd probably be more choosy with a regular T , but it's a different type of therapy so maybe be more relaxed on your requirements , but I don't think you're being picky.

Thank you for all the input and insight . A female is an absolute must and non negotiable. My issue is long term and short term CSA from a couple of male family members I trust very few men and wouldn't be able to discuss my past with any men outside of my husband. Age is somewhat negotiable as long as they have experience. I would be willing to travel some for the right person.

I have had a little contact with a new potential T. She appears to be a little younger than me but about twelve years experience. Her practice is about 55 miles away from my home and work. She seems very warm and caring. My pdoc highly recommends her for me.

The problem is she is just starting private practice after working in a clinic. She will on be seeing clients 3 days a week from 8-5. I work those three days 7:30-5:30. So would have to leave about 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 hours early in order to get there. Willing to do the commute just not sure about how well my work will handle it. She voiced concern that it would end up being to stressful for me between work, the commute there and our appointment.