[Tbhimscared]

Sometimes thinking back about my sessions my T makes me so angry, either because she didn't understand what I was trying to say or because she made a super valid point or because she took something more seriously than I would (I tend to play down a lot of things, or laugh it off or I'm oblivious to how serious things should be). Anyway, I think I'm starting to build some resentment towards her but I don't think it's very good if my T is always super kind and caring, she has to give constructive advice and can't just fluff over things if she's going to help me (that's what I think anyway). What do you guys think? Do you ever get angry with your T? Not necessarily to their face, I don't think I'd ever tell my T how mad she can make me, but I mean in how you think of them. Any thoughts on this??

[DodgersMom]

yes one time, i was legit ready to quit, i emailed him and told him i was not impressed with our session and we discussed it next time, it went well, overall though, he is great. i wouldn't like being angry with him too much. i would for sure quit

[Tbhimscared]

I guess angry is a bit of a strong word. I think I mean that I'm frustrated with them or overall annoyed with them, and that I don't enjoy going to therapy but I know I should go for my own good

[DodgersMom]

yep it happens. mine even told me that happens often and its ok to feel that way. he wants me to tell him so i do but its only happened the one time, i usually am sad to leave but i was just like, i wanted to punch him lol..

[atisketatasket]

I don't understand. I get the frustration when you two can't communicate clearly, but why is it angrifying or frustrating when she makes valid points or takes your problems seriously? If she's doing that it doesn't sound like she is being fluffy and merely kind and caring.

[Salmon77]

A couple times yes. I told him about it, it was a good conversation. I think you should talk to your T about how you feel.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T says it's okay to be angry. I've been mad at her twice. In the beginning, she wasn't listening to me. She made me so mad, I actually started T shopping again. She actually gave me advice on how to find my next T...lol. Thankfully, she finally started listening to me. The second time I've been angry at her has been recently. I'm angry (more hurt than anything) because she's spacing out our sessions. Sometimes I take it personally and feel like she is knowingly causing me pain and doesn't care. I know that's not the case, but it feels that way sometimes.

Yes, I get angry at my T some times, and some times she gets angry at me. On occassion we fight, or argue or yell, then we get over it and things are fine again.

[Travelinglady]

A few times over the years

[waterlogged]

My T has been trying to get me to express my anger towards her for the past 3 years.

[Tbhimscared]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I don't understand. I get the frustration when you two can't communicate clearly, but why is it angrifying or frustrating when she makes valid points or takes your problems seriously? If she's doing that it doesn't sound like she is being fluffy and merely kind and caring.

I'm not sure why I get angry when she makes valid points. I guess I never think people care so I take it that she could be mocking me, or I feel more exposed when she knows and understands these things so the uncomfortable feeling is transferred into anger.

[tosca203]

Originally Posted by waterlogged

My T has been trying to get me to express my anger towards her for the past 3 years.

I suspect my T is trying to do this too! What makes you think this?

[nottrustin]

I can count on one hand the times I have been angry. The firs ttime I didn't tell her I as angry but reapeatedly told her that it hurt. We had been talking about a family member who I found out was a pedophile. We were discussing things in email. In relation to m6 child She asked if I had talked to my daughter. She reminded me if I had not she is a mandated reporter. I was livid to think she even thought for a second I ever put my child in danger. When I told her how painful the email was, she said that she had no doubt I would do whatever it took to keep her safe. It took me a few sessions to get over the anger.

The other times were due to me misinterpreting what she was saying and reading into things and while I never told her I was angry I have snapped at her and then apologized later and explained what had triggered it.

[Wila]

I often get mad at myself in sessions for not being able to just do as she says. I've never been angry at my T but twice I've been angry at my doctor for diagnosing without a proper evaluation before (both times that diagnose was removed later as I don't meet the criterias)

[waterlogged]

Originally Posted by WorriedWell23

I suspect my T is trying to do this too! What makes you think this?

Well, she'll toss out phrases like "You might be angry with me about XYZ." or "It's understandable that expressing your anger seems dangerous, given your past, but maybe we can think about how you did/said ABC because deep down you're mad". So she's pretty direct about trying to make sure I know there's space for my anger. Problem is most if the time, I don't feel angry, but I'm slowly becoming a little more aware.

[smileygal]

I've found it difficult to get angry with my T although honestly, I don't think she hasn't really done or said anything to warrant any anger towards her. There are a few things that she has said or ways she has reacted to what I've said that I have questioned further after the session but didn't in the moment. Some may have slightly bothered me if the meaning was how I perevied them to be. It's hard to know if it was me projecting/imagining though and usually by the next session I have forgotten about it or felt it not big enough to address again (although that's prob not true either)
Everyone talks about how you 'should' (or perhaps a better word is 'will') feel anger towards your T sometimes or at certain stages so I'm waiting for this to happen but I just don't see it/feel it anywhere right now.

I just started another similar thread on this because o didn't see this one and I experienced a lot of angry feelings towards my t this week.
I had never gotten angry with my new t until last week. Something she said really triggered me, she did notice in session and acknowledge she was sounding a bit 'treachery'.
About 30 mins after our session I pulled over the car and felt so angry, it was like a hot flush of anger. I took out my phone and sent her a text asking her to cancel all my appointments that I was never coming back. This really upset her!
What stops you from telling your t you are or we're mad at her

[smileygal]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I just started another similar thread on this because o didn't see this one and I experienced a lot of angry feelings towards my t this week.
I had never gotten angry with my new t until last week. Something she said really triggered me, she did notice in session and acknowledge she was sounding a bit 'treachery'.
About 30 mins after our session I pulled over the car and felt so angry, it was like a hot flush of anger. I took out my phone and sent her a text asking her to cancel all my appointments that I was never coming back. This really upset her!
What stops you from telling your t you are or we're mad at her

For me I guess if it's being honest a small bit of it is a desire to please her and be a good client along with the fact that up until recently I have been having difficulty letting her in and fully trusting her so kept her at a distance. I also have big transference feelings for her and sometimes often even ET. I feel though that she hasn't really warranted much in the way of anger from me yet although I have often spoken about situations or people that have made me angry.

I am finding though that the more I trust her and let her in completely the more I am becoming aware that there are some things that she has said that sometimes slightly bothered me. For example, she is always understanding and empathetic but there has been once or twice that I have felt she has been a bit judgemental or reacted surprinsgly to something I've said. I'm not very good at realising this in the moment however and usually only become aware of this feeling after the session is over. It just something that might be bothering me It doesn't ever feel like something that warrants full-on anger.

I do think/hope over the coming weeks/months the closer we get and the more I finally trust her and let her in then the more I will be more williing to bring these annoyances up with her. Does anger towards your T have to be present at some stage? Can the relationship and therapuetic process not work just as effectively without it or am I just trying to avoid it?

[Tbhimscared]

Originally Posted by smileygal

For me I guess if it's being honest a small bit of it is a desire to please her and be a good client along with the fact that up until recently I have been having difficulty letting her in and fully trusting her so kept her at a distance. I also have big transference feelings for her and sometimes often even ET. I feel though that she hasn't really warranted much in the way of anger from me yet although I have often spoken about situations or people that have made me angry.

I am finding though that the more I trust her and let her in completely the more I am becoming aware that there are some things that she has said that sometimes slightly bothered me. For example, she is always understanding and empathetic but there has been once or twice that I have felt she has been a bit judgemental or reacted surprinsgly to something I've said. I'm not very good at realising this in the moment however and usually only become aware of this feeling after the session is over. It just something that might be bothering me It doesn't ever feel like something that warrants full-on anger.

I do think/hope over the coming weeks/months the closer we get and the more I finally trust her and let her in then the more I will be more williing to bring these annoyances up with her. Does anger towards your T have to be present at some stage? Can the relationship and therapuetic process not work just as effectively without it or am I just trying to avoid it?

I feel the exact same way. I have acceptance issues, so I don't want to burden anyone or make anyone feel bad and I want everyone to like me so I hide things from my T that might make her think less of me. I try to make myself likeable to her, even though that's not the goal of therapy at all. I mull over my sessions after the fact, and I'm too worried about upsetting her to bring things up or I don't even realize the issue until I'm back in my car after session. I get frustrated when she doesn't grasp what I'm trying to say and I almost revert back to my angsty teen phase when you're mad at your parents for talking to you or whatever (that's just what I did lol)

[smileygal]

Originally Posted by Tbhimscared

I feel the exact same way. I have acceptance issues, so I don't want to burden anyone or make anyone feel bad and I want everyone to like me so I hide things from my T that might make her think less of me. I try to make myself likeable to her, even though that's not the goal of therapy at all. I mull over my sessions after the fact, and I'm too worried about upsetting her to bring things up or I don't even realize the issue until I'm back in my car after session. I get frustrated when she doesn't grasp what I'm trying to say and I almost revert back to my angsty teen phase when you're mad at your parents for talking to you or whatever (that's just what I did lol)

Yes, I know what you mean about not realizing there is even an issue until after the fact. I don't fully understand why that happens. I often think of great answers back to people hours after speaking to them. I always maintain I would be great at winning discussions with friends if only I had an 20 minutes first to come up with my response.

I'm also not intentionally trying to please her as on a conscious level I am trying to reveal all of who I am as I know that is what is needed for the therapy to fully succeed. I guess part of me though is still trying to fully figure out who it is I really am and hoping therapy will help with revealing that.

[stopdog]

I never don't

[smileygal]

Originally Posted by waterlogged

Well, she'll toss out phrases like "You might be angry with me about XYZ." or "It's understandable that expressing your anger seems dangerous, given your past, but maybe we can think about how you did/said ABC because deep down you're mad". So she's pretty direct about trying to make sure I know there's space for my anger. Problem is most if the time, I don't feel angry, but I'm slowly becoming a little more aware.

I've gotten this a few times too in response to something I've said and being a big confused about the meaning of... T has responded by saying something like 'Maybe its because you are angry with me?..' Everytime she has said it I've stopped and tried to search within to see/feel if in fact she is right and that is the case but it has never been so. I have never been feeling angry when she has asked that question. I'm not sure if its just her desperately searching for anger that she is hoping to find but is not there or that I am just not aware of underlying anger that she can sense but I can't see.

[Sarmas]

I've been upset with my T. In just expect to be respected and her full attention while I'm in session. I struggle with that at times when her mind wanders off or when she has other things going on. I guess to her she has a valid reason but it's so often that it's beyond her having a valid reason.

[tosca203]

Originally Posted by smileygal

I've gotten this a few times too in response to something I've said and being a big confused about the meaning of... T has responded by saying something like 'Maybe its because you are angry with me?..' Everytime she has said it I've stopped and tried to search within to see/feel if in fact she is right and that is the case but it has never been so. I have never been feeling angry when she has asked that question. I'm not sure if its just her desperately searching for anger that she is hoping to find but is not there or that I am just not aware of underlying anger that she can sense but I can't see.

I really relate to this. I often feel like my T is looking for some suppressed volcano of rage inside of me that (IMO) simply does not exist. Even when I feel like my T has made mistakes, I can talk to him about it without feeling angry. Frustrated, yes. Angry, no.

[Tbhimscared]

I have so much trouble with being assertive and telling people what I want that I don't tell my T when something bothers me. It's like I'm trying to hide behind an "I'm doing fine!" Act but if I'm in therapy I'm probably not doing that great. I'm scared I'll let things pile up in me and that I'll explode at her, with all of that pent up anger and frustration