The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch.

I FINALLY got out to the pool today, with my friends that ive known for yikes almost 40 years. I told them to tell me they (one or the other) are just coming over to swim, period.

I wish there was something that I could say or do so that you wouldn't hate yourself. I know how you feel, very intimately. I live my life in the shame spiral. But despite how others may make you feel, you are a wonderful person who is worthy of love and compassion. I hope you feel better.

I'm in a downward spiral. I packed the twins off to bed early so I could sit out by the pool and mope. I am good at moping if little else.

I generally can't stand Keats but ever so often look up his Ode on Melancholy

Solidarity... getting my mope on. Beer numero dos. No pool outside but I do have an ultra-skreetchy streetcar line right under my window.

I blew off my night of drinking with friends.. because depression sucks. And what's worse, I have the magic little happy pills sitting in my cabinet that help to at least function more than I am now. Which I will need to do when I start classes in the fall. I am so stupid.

Oh and you know what sucks about going to the same church as t (not official just still feeling it out) is that sometimes I just don't want to see t. Like right now, when we are working through some stuff and I am annoyed with him and with therapy.

So, even though I am thinking like I would like to be in church tomorrow.. definitely don't want to go to that one. And do I want to endure the awkwardness of going to a completely new church?

My T has been pushing for me to relate to other people for a while now. Errrgh. I am going to start here on the couch. You are all real people right?
But gah, it feels like I am gatecrashing a well-established party.
Hi?

hi amy!

We have an empty cushion just for you!

I am not a good person to ask about being real or not. But I am pretty sure everyone else is real

I was like the Tin Man, perfectly content until that evil wizard went and gave him a heart.

Sheldon

The movie was pretty good.

Welcome amyjay!

see it takes the same skills as IRL. Its all in your head, or at least a lot of it is. Your same personality can come out. Not to mention any twitter names!!! But it proves mah point.

... and sometimes there are even pillow fights!

I just poured a glass of wine to go with my moping.The movie was good, but every time my h looked at me because he was laughing and I wasn't, I was like whatever dude.

You're such a kind soul, daisydid. Thank you so much.

We haven't had one of those in a while. I think last time someone knocked over SD's Scotch.

True, true... but I have a sippy cup for her to use this time.

Lauin in bed watchinf bakin showws answer nto inn agkod mindset but cannort staph giggliing

SD with a sippy cup?!

Thanks art. That drove some lingering mopeyness away.

I'm gonna go swimming in the morning again. That was so nice this morning. The pool is where I am totally and completely and confidently ME. I think and cry and feel while I swim. T asked me one time how I do all that while I'm swimming I'm like dude, I've been swimming my whole life, remember, I used to be a Red Cross Lifeguard and WSI (water safety instructor) back in the day. I do NOT have to think about swimming - my body does it automatically.

I wnat too throw a pillows

You ok ellahmae?

(I giggled while I was typing it at the image in my head) Glad to be of service.