Therapist doesn't understand me?

As Argon stated, Ts who deal with sexual matters are quite common. A "specialist" might be harder to come by, but don't discount a T because it isn't their specialty. While interviewing Ts just ask them the questions you have prepared and choose the one whom you feel most comfortable with. Good luck with your search!

Now all I need to do is find one who's willing to work with a person of my age.

Google National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. These are all questions that the professional directory can help you with. I have found my therapist to be very I sightful. She really understands fetish practices.

I know you said you were a teenager...are you close to 18? Do your parents bring you to therapy? Tons of Ts work with teenagers...I'm just not sure if they need parental permission. That could be another question to add to your list.

My parents already know about this issue.

So I did some research, and sadism seems to only count as a disorder if you've harmed someone without consent or if these urges give you significant distress (the latter is true)

So have you not been diagnosed with SSD? Are you only thinking that's what you have?

I'm only thinking that's what I have. I don't know for sure. Does anyone know of any signs that a Sadism fetish is becoming dangerous? I've become sexually aroused by attractive women being tortured and even killed in movies and even had a fantasy about it.

Does anyone whose into BDSM know if this is normal?

I think you should not try to diagnose yourself. That can get messy. Have you interviewed any Ts yet? These are great questions to bring up in therapy. I don't have those feelings so I can't comment on that part, but I do think that if you are worried about danger, you should be seeing someone who can help you understand your fantasies/feelings.

Ya, it might take a while to find a therapist though. While waiting, I just wanted to talk to someone with this fetish. But you're right, no more self-diagnosing. But I would still like to talk to someone with this fetish about this fetish.

Please be very sure that you are comfortable with the new T and that they have answered all of your questions to your satisfaction! Don't just jump in blindly. You deserve a great T who will listen to you, not judge you, and validate your feelings. Have you looked on Psychology Today? I hope someone on here can help you!

Brains are weird. They're capable of enormous achievement and yet can never remember where the car keys are. We've been cutting them apart for centuries and still nobody understand how those three pounds of electrified pink fat constitute a person.

Because brains are weird, they make weird thoughts. EVERYONE has weird thoughts. Not the same weird thoughts with the same intensity or frequency, but some level of weirdness is universal. I think it might be helpful to remember that.

I think it's also helpful to remember that thoughts aren't actions. Loads of people think things that they have never and would never do. Loads of people have sexual thoughts and fantasies that they'd never act upon, too. Thoughts don't make you a bad or weird or (insert negative descriptor here) person. We don't have thought police, we don't put people in prison for thought crimes.

Still, thoughts can be disturbing. That's why they're worth talking about. Let us know how the T search goes.

Thank you both for the help. I guess even if I do have (not intrusive) sexual fantasies, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll act on them. Now time to keep searching for a T.

There are some posts from another young person concerned about similar things in the Autism and Asperger's Syndrome and the Personality Place forums. Don't know if they are still active or somebody you would want to respond to, but reading their posts might be helpful.

I've had some experience with BDSM and fetish, it started with curiosity when I was a teen (I am now in my early 40s). Mine was not from one perspective/role though, more a general interest in the whole thing sexually and psychologically, initially triggered by random fantasies. I discussed it with a couple adults when I was in my late teens/early 20's, people I trusted and that were safe to talk with. One of them was a parent and another one a good friend, much older than me. I had mostly good experiences with it later but my interest faded relatively fast. I think it may not be a bad idea to talk with a therapist about it, especially if you have mixed feelings, guilt, fears etc associated with it.

It seems that BDSM fetishes aren't necessarily dangerous.

Does anyone know the difference between Sexual Sadism Disorder and Sadistic Personality Disorder? This will help me in choosing a sex therapist or a personality therapist.

Okay, I did some research, and I don't think what I have is Sexual Sadism. I think I have Erotophonophillia. This has made me very worried. Very worried.

I'm tempted to quote Dr. Larch, here - "It's the sort of condition made worse by worrying about it - so don't worry about it!"

But I realize that's flippant. I'm sure it's painful to have thoughts and fantasies you don't want, especially ones that worry you. So, I'm sorry they worry you, and I hope you find some relief, soon.

That said, I wouldn't be surprised if the first thing a prospective therapist does is tell you to stop researching, stop self-diagnosing, and start doing something distracting. I think with thoughts like these, the more you try NOT to have them, the more they'll come. Kind of like trying not to think about the pink flamingo - ah, you thought about it, didn't you?

Here's when I'd start to be worried: when thoughts start turning into actions. Not unlike suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts suck, but T's don't generally throw you in the loony bin for thoughts alone. When thoughts turn into planning - ie: specific plan, then they start to get worried. When you go out and buy supplies, that's a problem.

So I guess I'd ask you this (and you don't have to answer here - just something to think about). Are these just abstract thoughts, or are they specific? As in about a specific person - someone you have access to? Do you think about how you'd actually make this happen? Have you started to put it into action, like making excuses to be alone with this person or purchasing any necessary supplies?

If the answer is "No," then I wouldn't be worried. If the answer is "Yes," then you should make a plan - with someone else, if possible - about how to keep yourself and others safe. A therapist can help you make that plan, when you speak with one.

Hang in there.

No, I'm not planning. These thoughts aren't about someone I know.

I think that's encouraging. Hang in there, Adventurous.

I guess worrying does make me suffer twice (or once). I can't stop worrying though. Probably because of my OCD.

I mean, I know I won't hurt someone, but I'm still very anxious that I might have Erotophonophillia. Does anyone know of a place to ask psychologists questions while I search for for a T? The "Ask the Therapist" thing seems too slow.

Okay, forget about what I said above. My parents are bringing me to a sex therapist. They still think this is "normal for kids my age." I beg to differ. However, this sex therapist might help me. It might take some time to convince him/her that me (a 13 year old boy) might have a paraphilia.