The truth about "transference"?

Exactly. I was, and I'm left alone to put out the fire. While still missing her and wanting a good ending somehow. And to not lose the good that did come out of most of it. Just a mess. Smh

It is messy. And so ****ing painful. For me it's difficult to articulate to people in real life, because when I've tried to be open about it, friends just say, "Well look for another therapist. Move on." And they don't get it...which I get. I wouldn't have been able to empathize before going through it.

The only people who understand are you wonderful folks on here.

And yeah the 'real life' thing. I don't think therapy is 'real life' and t always says it is. But it isn't!!

Another reason I think therapy transference is so sketchy is that the client can never really know the therapist. Them's the rules. The therapist must avoid excessive self-disclosure (i.e. be secretive), else it ain't therapy.

If the client can never really know the therapist, and the therapist pretends to be magically attuned and endlessly caring, the idealization might never dissolve. The client is stuck chasing the image of this figure who will end all suffering. And this figure ain't real. So the client is effectively chasing an apparition and furiously projecting all sorts of things.

Yall all practice set up to fail any bonds formed design for us to unattach easily we are forced to relive and reexperience. What good is that for the relationshipers in here