The Couch 149 : Boby Lives On!

LOL--terrible posture!

I really suck at drawing haha see why I need the drawing class?? Heh.
As it says it's totally not to scale and t is not as far away from me as it looks (but it is pretty representative of how she's FELT farther away in the past couple months.) ETA this makes the room look huge but it is not. There is also a ceiling fan.

i got the couch put in the room and then my computer froze lol!

I love this drawing t's office exercise. I am giggling my head off at what I drew.

There's both a dry AND a wet sand tray? How big are they? I think I pictured those small things people have on their desks.

Why does everyone's T have a couch? I need my T to buy a couch, I want one too

If it helps, MC only has a loveseat--his old office had a matching couch (that he sat on, while H and I were/are on loveseat), but new office was too small to fit both.

Now, see, rr can do chairs. The rest of you should learn at the feet of the master.

I have had so many therapists' offices that if I tried rendering them, I'd end up with a coffee-table-size book.

Yep, she has 2. I'm gonna say they are the standard dimension that I found on a web site about sand play of 29" long, 21" wide and 4.5" deep and they're up on like end tables so you can stand in front of them while creating. I've never used the dry one, I like to mold the sand around the stuff I put in it. I hope we have time to do a sand tray together during my last session. I hope she's still willing to.... I've wanted to for awhile, and perhaps that will be a good way to end y'know... don't hafta say stuff... create it in the sand instead.

I am getting sentimental already about saying goodbye.

No, couches are hit or miss as comfortable seating. I insist on chairs wherever possible. Much more dignified.

I like having a couch for where I sit because I like to spread out (er, perhaps make myself at home? hmm.) - I always have a notebook and sometimes I bring a stuffie and I like my purse next to me, not on the floor I don't know why.

I've been doing reading/research this evening on different psychological phenomena. I have lifetime access to my university's online journal database, which is wonderful when I'm in moods like this.

There's one phenomenon that I was familiar with but I've been reading more about it. It's called the anticipatory goal response, developed by a contemporary of Pavlov. My stepmother explained it to me this way when I was a child. Have you ever been headed home from being out (school, work, errands, social gatherings, etc) and had to go to the bathroom? Isn't it odd how the closer you get to your house, the more urgent the need to go to the bathroom is? It's because your brain recognizes that it's getting closer and closer to its goal, and your body physiologically responds to that information.

So in that vein, tonight has been difficult. My brain knows I'm closer to the goal (seeing RoboT) and my body is reacting to the stimulus (the passage of time).

Why can't it be tomorrow morning? I'm miserable.

Now i hafta go to the bafroom

Seriously, i like crescendo depression then start decrescendoing (?) as the next appointment rolls into view. Every week. Its getting better, but i think the espresso is altering my mood.

I need a nap before I draw Malificent's office.

I do not for the life of me understand therapy. I want to text and ask what the hell did we talk about to give me this odd, yet satisfying, feeling of empowerment? We discussed a really dark thing today, so I'm so confused as to why I feel like I can take on the world?

I've determined that therapy makes no sense. Why do they foster our attachment to them when they will only hurt us in the end?

I'm obviously in a nihilistic mood. Pay me no mind.

I'm so sorry you're miserable.

And I don't mean to discount that at all, but I wanted to say something about the "anticipatory goal response" thing. I've never heard of that before. but it is interesting!!! Verrrrrry interesting!! Is that what happened with me and t? Like, I knew the end was coming in November, but anticipating that, my psyche acted up like it did and now we're over NOW? Is that the same thing? Interesting.

I had to get attached to L I think. It did serve its purpose for a long time, it was very healing for me. And now, the way things are ending, it's even serving the purpose as I work to untangle myself from her of making me figure out WHY I needed that attachment - where that need came from - and slowly I am learning that I do have what it takes to give what I need to myself.

I hope I don't sound as convoluted to y'all as I just did to myself when I re-read that. I'm feeling strangely very okay with this ending playing out the way it is.

You're fine, thanks.

And my best answer is maybe? The whole basis of the phenomenon is in the research that Pavlov conducted. We know from his experiments that anticipation for an event can influence behavior in the subject. The dogs mouth waters, you may speed home trying to get to the bathroom.

I don't think that's what happened between you and T, but I also don't know enough about your situation to form an actual hypothesis.

I really should have become a psychologist.

Informatino's brilliant idea of the day: "Why don't you bring one of your cats to session so they can sit in your lap and keep you calmer?"

More like, hide under the sofa and refuse to come out, necessitating furniture being moved and much frustration. And if it's new cat, after the sofa is moved she'll climb the wall tapestries and pull them down with her.

Clearly the woman knows nothing of cats.

Only reason I wonder is because I still really really don't know exactly what happened - whatever it was, it was very unconscious. Y'know?

You still could....

Need to change her name to Uninformatino.

((Ellahmae))

I can understand your pain.

Yeah I so get that. I think it's as simple as change. I know I haven't been around on PC long, but it was apparent to me that you are in a stage of significant change within yourself. Sometimes when people change, they become incompatible with relationship dynamics that have been cultivated over time. Perhaps you two aren't compatible anymore.

This is really just me musing out loud. I've never been in a long-term therapeutic relationship so I don't understand the dynamic. No joke, when RoboT and I terminate in December, it'll be the longest time I've ever been with a therapist, and it'll be...14 months.

And I know I could, but do I want to? I'm enjoying what I'm doing for now.

Almost 6 years that I've been seeing her is a pretty long time to me for a t - considering the first one didn't last even one full session, and the 2nd one maybe 6 months if that....

Interesting...sounds a lot like the sensory tables they had at my daughter's daycare--they could put water or textured items or, I guess, sand in there for the kids to play with.