As many of you know, T has given me a couple of things-- a book, and 3 CDs that he copied for me. Oh, and he has typed out a couple of passages from books that he knew would be significant to me.

He knows that music is one of the most important things in the world to me. I can tell it is important to him as well. I have had this strong urge to make him a CD and give it to him.

I am afraid that it is illegal, lol. No, I am just so scared that he will be like, "Sorry-- I can't take this from you."

He has my poems, but those are different. They serve a much different purpose.

I'm not even sure of the signifcance of making him a CD. Maybe you girls can help me figure this out. Is it another way for me to express myself? By letting him share in some more of the things that are so important to me; that say more about who I am?

Have any of you ever given anything to your T?

Have you thought of giving something to your T?

What do you think about my dilemma?

[confused4ever]

I have given my T a few things, not really a gift, but I gave him a bullseye to hang on his office wall, told him he could bang his head there after he gets done with me....lol........he loved it, and it is hanging in his office. He loves food, we always talk about food at the end of sessions, I am Italian and he loves Italian food so he asks me what I have made recently, So last month I had made a pesto that the recipe has been in my family, I brought him some, he took it with many thanks. So I don't really see giving them something as a problem. I know on another message board I belong to, this question has come up, and many people have given their T's something, for holidays or just because!

[MissCharlotte]

Pink,

I share this dilemma. I have considered making a CD (of my relaxation tape) also but decided not to for the same reasons.

I have never given him anything but my deepest heartfelt thoughts?

Gee what a cornball I am.

Why don't you ask him first? Like, "I have a friend at my internship and her client offered to make her a CD of favorite recordings and she doesn't know whether to accept or not."

LOL-- he'll never suspect the ruse.

LOL, maybe I'll start out just giving him a big tub of pesto. He would be like, "What the %#@&#!?" Confused, I think that's awesome.

[Perna]

I was forever giving my T books :-) I think if he can give you gives then you could return "in kind"? So, I'd think you could give him a CD easy!

When she gave me some clay, 2 colors, I made a "basket" of one color and "balls" in the basket of the other and gave the clay back to her that way :-)

[tsha]

Remember your t is a person, too, just like you and I. They enjoy being acknowledged and appreciate the thought as much as you and I do.

My t and I share some interests and she and I have shared some CDs and books on those interests. Nothing major. I don't do birthday or holiday gifts.

[sunrise]

pink, I think by giving you those gifts, your T has said he is OK with gift giving. So it should be fine to reciprocate.

My T and I have not exchanged gifts. A couple of times I have written something on a piece of paper (like a list of things of things related to some aspect of therapy), and he has asked me if he could keep it, and I said yes. I always liked how he wanted to keep something that was mine. He probably just put it in my file, but still....

I have thought before about giving my T a present. I would give him 2 tickets to go see a singer I really like that I would like to share with him. Yeah, some people would just give a CD, but I would like him to see a live performance. Of course, I would never do this.

If I were to give him a book or CD, I might do it surreptitiously. Like I might leave the book in his waiting room with the other books and magazines, and he would never know who it was from. Or I would let the CD fall down behind his couch and again, he wouldn't know. I guess I am too afraid he would reject my gift, so I'd rather just have him get it but not know it was a gift and from me. Is that weird?

[Perna]

Sunrise, I left one of my journals in my T's office accidentally, just before she went on vacation! She had to take it with her since the office we used wasn't ours/her "home" office. I don't recommend leaving stuff :-) as I didn't know the "fate" of my journal until she got back and I was mortified that I just "happened" to do it when she was going away and that I had to mention it when she got back. Fortunately it was a "new" journal I had more or less just started so didn't have anything too upsetting (if she read it which I don't think she did).

[Gracey]

I"ve given my T gifts before, but they were of a personal nature and not something I spent a moderate amount of money on. For instance, he owns several of my paintings; one hangs in his office, the other in his home. I've given him a couple of books as well; copies of ones that I owned, and a few time Advance Reader Copies of golfer and golf stories. Other than that, we try to keep it on a natural level. I don't shower him with gifts, nor he does me. Often, especially during the summer when he came in after hours so I could continue seeing him, I'd bring him a diet coke along with mine. He got a kick out of that. When I go back to Savannah, I'll often bring him something that is "originally Savannah" like a food dish.

i don't know how my t would respond to gifts. in a way... he reminds me of this other t i had... with the other t... i have him a paper i wrote the last time i saw him. he reacted like i was holding out a branding device. he really didn't want to take it. by the time he realised it was just a paper and that yes i'd made a copy for myself and i'd reassured him that he could shread it for all i care he muttered something like 'i'll let you know what i think' and i was like 'yeah, right'. wished i'd never given it to him.

i think... he saw his mistake. he got someone to pass on my email address to him and... he emailed me saying that he had read the paper a couple times and he told me what he thought... it still really hurt me that he reacted to my gift like that, though. i guess part of it was that i did want to give him something of me that he would take with him. kind of... object constancy in reverse. reassurance for me that he would think of me occasionally. and i felt like he called me on that by saying 'i won't be taking it with me, you know' and i just felt humiliated. wished i'd never given it to him.

sometimes... i get coffee from this cafe before i go in to see my therapist. sometimes... i've wondered about getting him a coffee too so we can have them in session instead of me trying to gulp it down before i go in to see him. i'm not sure how he takes his coffee, though. but i thought i could get a latte and a long black and take some sugar and he could have whichever he prefers... though knowing my luck he doesn't drink caffenated drinks... or would respond in horror or whatever... i guess i should ask him before doing it... but i really don't think i will.

i dunno about gifts. but... i plan on giving him a copy of my thesis when i'm done. a bound copy. will cost be fifty bucks or something... but... i don't want to acknowledge him in the acknowledgements (confidentiality issues) but... i do want to say to him that i wouldn't have done it without him... and to thank him very much.

assuming i get it done of course.

[ECHOES]

hmm. dunno about gifts.

But, knowing they will analyze them....pink what songs will go on the CD? hehe

[dalila]

<font color="green">I have given my therapist chocolate chip cookies cos she said I could have some easy sessions sometimes, I didn't need big problems every time, 'you don't have to bring chocolate chip cookies every time.' So naturally I had to bring her a couple dozen cookies.

I knit her a scarf and she not only accepted it but makes a point to tell me when she wears it. The last thing I gave her was a picture of a rose from our local city rosegarden. I love to take close up pixs of flowers and this one was so nice -- I printed it as an 8 by 10 and she seemed to really like it.

She recorded a tape for me to help me through the panic after a flashback or nightmare. Sometimes I am afraid I will wear it out.
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