Giving up

Hi people. It's Sezzie.
I haven't been able to have many appointments with my pschologist or psychiatrist because they're just so busy. I'm really freaking out and am wondering what in the hang i am doing. The thing that i am most struggling with at the moment is bulimia and i'm vomiting up blood at the moment and things are really screwed up! I really need some help big time! I'm just not getting what i need from the people that are supposed to be wanting me to get better. I know that my problems are my responsibility and i do own them- but i'm just so frustrated and scared about facing it on my own. I literally have no-one around me at the moment to face my problems with. I need some help and guidance with the bulimia pronto! I have had big probs with depression, suicidality, and all the rest for the last few years. I'm 21- and i just want to get on with my life and be able to live a good one. I want to be able to get through a day without thinking harmful thoughts. I don't know really. I need some advice on how to approach my therapist in an assertive and honest way about getting referred on to an eating disorder place! because there's no way in hell i'm going to get better with the support that i have at the moment! I do have an appointment tomorrow (thank goodness)- but i'm really angry at that person- i need to calm down and collect my thoughts intelligently before i go and speak to her about how i feel though. If anyone has any suggestions on how i can approach her that would be most appreciated. If anyone has any general advice on how to overcome bulimia- that would be awesome! I feel like such a big walking problem at the moment! I hope i don't explode and say the wrong things at my therapist tomorrow. I think she's a wonderful therapist and all- but she's just too busy and seems to be unavailable a lot. I hope i don't sound too demanding! but i really really need some help! Because i've just kind of been left to deal with coping with my problems (and trying to build up some new coping mechanisms) by myself it just kind of feels like my probs aint that important- you know- that what i'm going through doesn't warrant that much of her time! Anyway- that's enough about that.
How are you all doin today?
I hope you guys out there have enough support- I feel so supported by you all- it's great- and my love and hugs go out to you! Thanks for your help people!

Sezzie

Hey Sezzie! I would say if you are vomiting blood you should go too the ER. Second, be frank with your therapist. If it is impossible to get in then maybe it is time to see another? I know with my doc he is booked for weeks at a time and sometimes all you can do is get on the waiting list for a cancellation.
HUGS
Cher

Hey Cherybery
Thanks for replying aye. I did try and ask to be referred to an eating disorder place today. I just feel a bit lost really. Bit overwhelmed. I kind of get the feeling that she doesn't really like me- or either I'm just one of those people who are just too hard to treat or something. I dunno. Maybe she's just sick of depressed people like me! I just feel that she feels that i'm not taking responsibility for my problems heh- but i know that what has happened to me is not entirely my fault- but i can't stop apologising to her and blaming myself all the time. I once expressed quite a bit of anger (because i thought it was allowed)- and it was then suggested that i needed to take antipsychotics- so after that i stopped expressing anger. Some times i wonder really what i'm supposed to be expressing to her. I was angry- but i wasn't throwing things around and hurting anybody or myself and certainly not what i would consider psychotic. I don't understand! I dunno anymore. Thanks again for your reply sweety

Sezzie,

I can relate. I don't know what to say most of the time either. I'm glad you asked for the kind of help that you need. That's gotta score you a few points right there.

Rap

Hi again people.
Even though i did ask for help and i have been feeling the big s word that we aint supposed to talk about on this site- it appears that there doesn't seem to be dat much help. Maybe it's just in my country- i dunno. what happens in other countries when you really need some help? do they just throw you in the bin or something? I was really concerned the other day about the vomiting up blood issue- but that was also not taken too seriously??? I dunno if it's just that the psychologist doesn't have much of a knowledge of medicine or whether that particular psuchologist doesn't really give a toss- or am i just being overconcerned??? Dunno
Peace
Sezzie

If you need to, go to the emergency room. Or do they call it A&E there? Here, if you go to the ER and ask for help you might have to wait a couple of hours sometimes but a doctor will assess what treatment you need right away and whether or not you need meds or to be admitted. They can make referrals too.

I don't know of any country that has an ideal or even entirely adequate system though. Sometimes the squeaky wheels get the grease. Keep asking for what you need until someone takes you seriously.

Rap

(((safe hugs))) I think you need to go to the emergency department of your hospital, and not assume that your bringing up blood is "only" due to your bulimia! What if it is, but what if it isn't????? I think it's VERY important that you don't put this off another day!

Yes, we have to learn to express anger in a way that it doesn't hurt anyone, including ourselves. Your bulimia is another way of expressing that anger, imo.

Please get help NOW for that... and let us know. I think they will think it's very important also. (Don't make excuses to the doctors, either, let them find out what's happening!) Tc

Sezzie! Hope your doing ok. Keep us posted!
HUGS
Cher

Yup I'm still here people. Sort of anyway!
It's Sezzie
I'm ok- i did go to my GP today and i have to go back and do some more stuff tomorrow and the next. Blah blah blah. It's all so screwed up. I'm all so screwed up!!! Why do i have to stuff up my life??? so badly??? Why am i such an idiot??????

Sezzie, I am glad you are doing ok. I know it is frustrating but it is probably a good thing you GP is doing so much in a couple days instead of having to wait weeks to get some kind of answer.
HUGS
Cher

Yep-I'm still here again. I'm getting much better taken care of now- just because i asked for it. My psychologist was sort of suggesting that i go to hospital because I'm crying a lot and the bulimia is out of control. In other words i'm spinning out. There's no way in hell i'm going to hospital!!!
So i have to stop vomiting today- at least for a short while- so that i become coherent and begin to make sensible reasoning again. I am feeling slightly better dis morning- after having a bit of retail therapy yesterday. Ouch- that really hurt the bank cause i spent quite a bit. Never mind. Talk to you guys later.
Sezzie