[Annie's mind]

I've failed @ therapy for the past 4 years. Always ending up unhealthly attached to my ts, always obsessing about them.

Couple of weeks ago I finished with my last t. (Really hurt)
My pdoc is going to find a T for me this time, so that we make sure that it's a good professional, who can handle my attach/abandon issues.

Actually, my pdoc already has a new T which he has talked to, and is willing to work with me (I'm a really really really difficult patient)

Anyways, right now I'm out of town cause my mom is having surgery, and I'm staying with her for a couple of weeks. So...unable to see/talk to pdoc or the new T (I don't even know her yet)

Do I have a point here?
Not really...but the thing is that with all this situation, I find myself desperatly trying to find some online therapist to help me RIGHT NOW.

Talked to a few, but I'm just wasting my money...since it's not someone I'm going to continue therapy after I get back home.

I also did a couple of other things I'm ashamed of...like emailing ex-tssss that I sort of know already wouldn't reply back.

I did something even worst...I contacted one of my old t who does online therapy and pretended to be someone else (new patient) so that I can get at least a couple of emails from her, till she finds out it's me.

It's getting crazy...

I need to feel taken care of again. Not able to do that by myself yet. I want a t's total attention. I want to have a tantrum like a 4 year old...and have t hug me till I feel safe.

I just noticed what I wrote in those last sentences...really came from deep in my heart....I've started crying.

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Annie's mind said:

I need to feel taken care of again. Not able to do that by myself yet. I want a t's total attention. I want to have a tantrum like a 4 year old...and have t hug me till I feel safe.

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I wrote almost the exact same thing in my journal. I know how you are feeling. You don't know how many time I have wanted to revert back to complete childish behavior and just cry and tantrum and yell, "I want my T" and have him come and hold me.

How long will it be until you have an appointment with yur new T?

How have you worked through your attachment/abandont issues in the past? How have your Ts responded to your attachment?

I really hope the next one works out for you.

[WinterRose]

[Annie's mind]

I really feel I'm not ready for the "normal" world.

I think that I would be much better off at a mental hospital where @ least people will know what I'm going through. And professionals to be able to help me.

[MissCharlotte]

((((((Annie's))))))

I hope you get an appointment soon.

Your little child within is hurting and it's okay that you let her cry.

Take gentle care.

[pachyderm]