Is isolation normal in this journey?

Ya know... It's like a switch flipped when I decided I couldn't keep living the way I was and accepting what I was accepting.

In the process of that, it feels like I have gradually become more isolated and drawn into myself.

When the light came on and I realized how I was being abused in my childhood, and how I have lived learned Helplessness out to the fullest, I started burning bridges. Some bridges I completely took out and others are very questionable right now.

I've thought about this and I'd like to think of it as a caterpillar in a cocoon, healing and growing into something much stronger. I like that idea. It's just hard to be there and not feel even more broken because I feel like a defective outcast.

Before I started this I had church. I did the Bunko thing. I met with some friends who were learning about natural healing with EOs. I had my mom and brother.

Most importantly. My relationship with my husband. I don't know if it can ever be repaired and be ok. It's been said that I'm the reason for all the screwed up issues with our family. I can't even go there in my mind right now.

These people now are overwhelming to me and I'm in a place where I'm hypersensitive to triggers when I'm around them or in those places.

I also have realized that when I was with these people, it was a part of me that wasn't really "me", so there's that.

I don't know.

I was just wondering if this is like a normal part of the process.

ETA: typos

People who come from abusive family backgrounds can answer better, but my impression is, if that's what you're dealing with, yes. You either have to cut ties physically or learn how to construct mental barriers to protect yourself psychologically.

It does depend on the issue, I think: mine is that future ex and other factors isolated me, so my task is more to become part of the world again.

And TR, no one is ever entirely to blame for "the screwed up issues with our family."

Thank you friend.

Cutting ties has been hard in a way and easy in a way. Easy, that I just don't put myself there. It feels like I'm running away from it.

Hopefully the fear of setting boundaries with other people will not seem so scary. Cocoon time maybe?

I understand what you said about "become a part of the world again." It feels like that's what my heart wants, but maybe I'm not there yet.

I believe everyone's journey is different -- there is no normal. If you feel this is part of an inner shift process, keep embracing it. The rest of you will catch up to your heart when they are ready. I isolated myself into a massive hole during my journey. I think I'm peeking my butterfly head out of that cocoon now. Difficult though it may be, sometimes you gotta clear out the old to make space for the new. I'm finding the new includes regeneration of some of the old in stronger, healthier ways. Keep doing the good work to bust yourself out of that cocoon at your own pace.

Thank you! I hope I find that place too for stronger relationships. I'm happy for you that you are experiencing that.

It just came to me... Maybe the uncomfortableness of the cocoon, for where I'm at, is a good sign.

Thank you!

I'm betting that it's a GREAT sign!!! And, thank you!

It's also bothering me that I don't want to go to my trail, which is really by myself - earphones and sunglasses.

I don't want to go to the gym, which is by myself because I stick my earphones in my ears and ignore everybody. I'm just in my space.

I don't want to go to yoga. That's not really a personal encounter with anyone. Just in and out. I really miss the yoga though.

It feels like there is a part of me that is afraid that we are stuck here.

I'm going to hang on to the cocoon image.

For me, I feel that nobody cares unless you pay them. Sad...but true. Family walks away....insurance companies wont cover....friends dont want to be bothered...co-workers dont care. Pets just want food, and children are self absorbed. Society turns away. So.....yes.....

Like why us bother?....yes?

Oh yeah...we are suppose to be invincible.....deadly.

There's been times and still are when I'm isolated. I've changed so much , had to leave some people behind , some have come with me and some people are new. It's a difficult journey but good to have companions with us on it.

Thank you!

It's hard but I want that too.

I can relate to this...going on four years of having walked away from what little interaction I had with other people. No one has been beating down my door to ask what happened. Well, I take that back. One person has reached out from across the country to ask what happened. I lost my humor, my connection to life, any kind of spark or caring about being in the world. I have been depressed for long stretches prior to this, but this is different because I am working on the "why" of it all, so I guess I am hoping it is all part of the process.

(((Hug)))

Working through the "why" is a big with me too.

I don't have any answers and probably won't.

But.

But.

I don't want that to shut me down. I don't want that to be the thing that isolates me.

Looking for why.

I share that with you and it resonates with me.

No answers yet.

Cocoon.

I pray they come for us both.

I think isolation is part of most lives in the world. Even when women or men have spouses, siblings, children, parents, there are still times when they feel isolated. I have a brother, and though he responds if I directly contact him he never initiates our talks. He would probably rationalize his actions by saying that he is (1) busy at his job (2) busy with his family (3) doesn't mean harm, but I am still not persuaded by these rationalizations, so I cut off ties with him. There was no serious abuse, but low-grade one-sided relationships. I tried to get support in feeling upset with my brother by talking with both my father and my therapist, but again neither of them made me feel supported and part of a team either. So I've been let down in this one area by multiple people who are supposed to make me feel like I belong and am part of a community---my family members and my therapist.

Sometimes, the support structures don't help.

I keep telling T that getting better is painful. I have become more assertive so people around me are having to change. This is causing quite a bit of chaos. The other people didn't make a decision to change like I did. But since I've changed, they have no other choice. I'm also seeing things that I let go by that I hadn't realized which is painful. But I still am moving forward in spite of the consequences. I suppose feeling isolated is normal. Take care.