It seems like a lot of us are either on the hunt for a new therapist, or will be relatively soon. I fall in the latter category

I kind of lucked out with my current T. He was the only therapist I contacted when I was seeking someone and felt like we were able to develop a good rapport quickly. I never had to think about picking a therapist before that.

So for those of you who have been T shopping, what are the things you ask of a potential therapist to make sure you find a good fit for you? What are your red flags during a consultation or initial session that will make you not reschedule? Do you think you made a good choice with your current clinician?

[atisketatasket]

Red flags:

1. Overly perky office decor:
Every
Cloud
Has a
Silver
Lining
2. If they talk about themselves and I haven't asked.
3. Refuses to adjust volume or speech to accommodate my hearing.
4. Thinks they were destined to be a therapist.
5. Wants to be called doctor when they have a PhD.
6. Makes excuses for Smaug.

Info and 1-3 managed not to violate any of those. DBC and CW did. So did Silver Lining and 4(a).

[toomanycats]

Red flags:

1. not a member of the APA, ACA, or ASA depending on their licensure.
2. implies, at all, that they are the only one who can help me.
3. overpromises (I'll never leave you)
4. and, at this point, if I find anything very strange about them online (e.g., my exT left his wife and severely disabled child and isn't involved in his life.)

Other than that, I knew I wanted someone who had experience doing adult attachment work. I didn't want to be their first attachment work client. I knew I needed to be able to contact between sessions - even if that requires paying for it. I also ran my new T's name by others in the psych community. In fact, I was referred to him. And, I just...make sure we click, mostly.

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Red flags:

1. Overly perky office decor:
Every
Cloud
Has a
Silver
Lining
2. If they talk about themselves and I haven't asked.
3. Refuses to adjust volume or speech to accommodate my hearing.
4. Thinks they were destined to be a therapist.
5. Wants to be called doctor when they have a PhD.
6. Makes excuses for Smaug.

Info and 1-3 managed not to violate any of those. DBC and CW did. So did Silver Lining and 4(a).

So you've worked with people who have shown red flags. Interesting. Do some carry more weight than others? Is there something that CW did that was more important than whatever the red flag was? Though I don't like CW much based on what you've said about her.

[ruh roh]

After my last therapist moved away and I started to look for a new one, my initial search was to weed out those who practice short term therapy, anyone who mentioned CBT or any of the other "evidence driven" therapies. I ended up calling the therapist of a colleague that they had raved about, and that therapist gave me 3 referrals because she was not accepting new clients. Of the three referrals, one was big into testing and helping people pursue career goals, another was too gooey in her profile (lots of talk about the healing journey and stuff like that), and another (the one I see now) was just right, from the initial phone call to first session. I made sure she did long term therapy and did not use pathologizing terms.

I don't think I ever saw a therapist who had overt red flags. If there were concerning things, those did not come out right away, unfortunately.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by daisydid

So you've worked with people who have shown red flags. Interesting. Do some carry more weight than others? Is there something that CW did that was more important than whatever the red flag was? Though I don't like CW much based on what you've said about her.

Well, when I first met both of them I was desperate and also didn't want to look anymore. And, I have this idea that it's good for me to try to make relationships work however bad the signs. Kept my marriage going for as long as it did!

I'll add, thinking of DBC, a 7th:

7. Shows total cluelessness about some basic aspect of their profession. With her, it was "In 15 years of practice, I've only had two ruptures with clients." Yeah, right.

Yeah, I'm also pretty anti CBT at this point. I know that I'm supposed to tell myself that it's not true that I'm a monster, but it's hard when you're trained to believe those things. CBT techniques make me feel like a fraud.

2 ruptures? I've had one major and one minor rupture in less than a year with RoboT. DBC also seems to be an idiot.

[toomanycats]

Oh, this isn't a red flag, but this time around, I've now chosen a therapist who explicitly specializes in working with adults. As opposed to specializing in working with teens. I have no idea if that was a good idea for me or not, but it brings me some comfort for whatever reason.

And, yeah, I did not contact anyone who expressly said something like "I use short-term, goal-driven CBT" or whatever.

[ElectricManatee]

I want the gut feeling that I want to go back. I ignored the lack of it once and really shouldn't have.

[awkwardlyyours]

Profiles not gooey or having other crap about warmth, healing etc or saying stuff like "Are you depressed?" etc or having pictures of open fields / candle flames / rainbows / blue skies etc.

Really quick in grasping what I'm trying to convey -- both emotionally and verbally -- even if they disagree (as in, I need to feel like the T fundamentally "gets" me even if they think I'm dead wrong to think / feel the way I do).

Solidly well-read in terms of the theory / latest research etc.

Current T fits all three. Former T fit one and three.

Oh, and also really non-defensive but haven't seen that as yet.