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  #26  
Old Sep 06, 2017, 02:04 AM
Anonymous57382
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anastasia~ View Post
People with attachment issues often hate their "neediness".
I don't hate my 'neediness' which I know simply as 'needs'.

The good thing where I am is that therapists are required to undertake career-long monthly supervision. This means that anything which has the potential to get in the way of the therapeutic relationship can be examined and managed.
No human being has no 'issues' which might have the potential to get in the way of the therapeutic relationship. I can think of examples in my own therapy where my therapist has had to keep his own stuff in check, but he's still undoubtedly an excellent therapist.
Self-awareness and non-defensiveness in the therapist are key.
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, lucozader

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  #27  
Old Sep 06, 2017, 08:09 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calilady View Post
Finding a new-t sucks! I wish they offered a free 15 minute in person session so I could get a feel for the person. I think I know what to ask now and what I want.
I always like interviewing them. I find those people fascinating in the bizarre ways they present themselves and how they act at clients.
__________________
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Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Thanks for this!
BudFox, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight
  #28  
Old Sep 06, 2017, 03:40 PM
toomanycats toomanycats is offline
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Member Since: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,734
No

No no no

No no no

This is what got me so epically hurt in therapy
Thanks for this!
Daisy Dead Petals
  #29  
Old Sep 06, 2017, 04:10 PM
Calilady Calilady is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 439
Quote:
Originally Posted by toomanycats View Post
No

No no no

No no no

This is what got me so epically hurt in therapy
Me too. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
  #30  
Old Sep 07, 2017, 03:20 PM
BudFox BudFox is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 3,983
I don't think there is any legit way to evaluate a therapist up front.

I've sat in front of 20+ of them, and each was a closed book and gave very little away. I've tried asking non-threatening questions, and some couldn't handle it. So, asking about their attachment status or mental health, that's probably not gonna go well with most. Plus, having worked on their own issues in therapy means nothing. It could easily have made them more neurotic. Add to that years of engaging in weird "clinical" relationships and they might have real difficulty relating in a healthy way.
Thanks for this!
koru_kiwi, Myrto
  #31  
Old Sep 07, 2017, 10:11 PM
Anonymous52723
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If any therapist has not done their own work, no matter what kind of therapy they specialize, cannot be a good therapist in my opinion.
  #32  
Old Sep 08, 2017, 05:26 PM
RaineD RaineD is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 950
I think therapists with insecure attachment styles *can* help clients with attachment issues, but they must be aware of their own attachment style and understand how their attachment style influences the therapeutic relationship. There's a really great book called Attachment in Psychotherapy that touches upon these issues. (I would link to it, but I don't have permission to link to things yet.)

50% (or more) of therapists are simply incompetent. It has nothing to do with their attachment styles.
  #33  
Old Sep 08, 2017, 07:45 PM
BudFox BudFox is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 3,983
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
As for your question, oncologists can get cancer and even die of it, but that doesn't keep them from helping patients with cancer. There's theory and knowledge and then there's failure to do what you know you should do. There are marriage counselors out there with failed marriages. Doesn't mean they're not helpful to the couples they see.
If a therapist has some deeply rooted relationship sickness, they cannot just put that aside and do the right thing, when what they are selling is a relationship. Also establishing a thearpist's fitness for helping others is very difficult, as it's dependent on vague and abstract concepts like attachment status or mental health status, and is hampered by their evasiveness.

An oncologist with cancer could be a huge liability, or could simply be too sick to work. But at least these things can be defined and evaluated with some precision.
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