[Melody_Bells]

I have always had long hair, because I thought men like long hair.

Since 5 years ago, I started to admire and love my T, I cut my hair short to look just like her! We are twins now!

The result: it seems I am invisible to men. I used to get men flirting with me often, now....only once/twice a year?

I asked my T and she said, "There are men who like short hair out there, and short hair can be beautiful."

I can't bear to grow my hair back because I like being twins with my T, but I also am afraid I'll never be liked by men again.

I'll probably keep my hair short for now, and see how I feel in a few years.

Perhaps it's also because I gained back my ED weight? I am now average instead of skinny.

[Littlemeinside]

Maybe it´s not really a hair thing? If someone cut their hair to " be a twin" with their T, I would pick up that vibe. ( I am a female, btw. with long hair and wouldn´t change that no matter what) I have had short hair to. Didn´t make a difference. It´s all about attitude and how you view yourself;-)

[WikidPissah]

Short hair can be cute and sexy. Depends really on the guy. My H loved my long hair, but he agrees that short and punky suits me better and he thinks I am adorable. When I had hot pink highlights I got a lot of attention from men.

[anilam]

In our society men prefer thin (but not skinny- so if you're average (BMI around 21) with some muscles you should be fine;-)), young females with blond longish hair.
But that's men in general- if shown pics to rate. In reality many other factors play a (more important) role.

I do wonder, however, about your need to be your T's twin...

I am a woman so take my response as you will.... long

I have medium length hair but my H loves long hair...

[tinyrabbit]

Let me tell you what men actually like.

Confidence and self-respect.

Stop worrying about what they like. Have your hair how YOU want. Do you really want to attract a man who only likes you because of a hairstyle you don't want? Do what makes YOU happy!

[H3rmit]

>Do most men prefer long or short hair?

Yes, they do. Baldness is not that popular.

[pbutton]

Mine liked long hair. I have long hair. He was attracted to me. Then we got married and he had to clean out our vacuum. I'm pretty sure his next wife will have short hair.

[wotchermuggle]

I asked my brother this once and he told me it was whatever looked best on the person.

But he said it is only what draws you to them, it doesn't make you stay with them.

[venusss]

I had a friend... tiny, small boobs, big teeth, not-so-flawless skin, short thin hair. She coulda write Sex and the City, that's how many men she had. It was all personality and confidence.

I see a problem with "I wanna be twin with my T". It shows you still lack the "you". Maybe it shows. I think men (and women) prefer women who can pull off their style. See as girl-who-likes-girls-(too)... I have beauty ideal. Yes, it's long haired, full bodied, brown eyed beauty. But I can fall for skinny pixie cut blondie if she has the spark and wears her clothes, hair, herself... proudly.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

>Do most men prefer long or short hair?

Yes, they do. Baldness is not that popular.

Well for some baldness is quite popular. I know a very beautiful almost bald woman. Men love her. Again- it´s all about attitude and being YOU.

[Melody_Bells]

Thank you everyone, I enjoyed hearing about your experience and ideas!

I did have short hair once and didn't like it but my husband loved it, Go with what you feel comfortable with. I now have long hair and I feel in my comfort zone again.

[sunrise]

I got my hair cut medium short once and I remember a guy in the office told me it looked better before and that now I looked like a poodle! His wife told me once he always told her how to dress and what hair style to wear. Yuck. I don't really care what hair men prefer. I would just choose a hair style that looked good on me and use my own judgment.

[Miswimmy1]

I think that confidence is what makes men really notice people. Its not just looks these days. i've had short hair (shoulder length) and I've had long hair (down to my waist). I prefer long. But I had no change in the interest guys had in me either way

It really depends on the look of the women. Some women look better with short hair and other look better with long hair. Some women short hair doesn't suit them at all and they look like a boy, some other women long hair just doesn't suit them as well as short hair.

But whatever you do, don't shave your hair bald or have a Mohawk.

Actually do what you want but it's not for me.

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I think that confidence is what makes men really notice people. Its not just looks these days. i've had short hair (shoulder length) and I've had long hair (down to my waist). I prefer long. But I had no change in the interest guys had in me either way

I think confidence in women isn't as much of an issue as it is with men. A man who isn't confident will struggle to get women. A woman, all she has to do is look fairly pretty and show she's interested and she'll get plenty of men chasing her. Actually, a woman who is really confident might scare some men off.

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I had a friend... tiny, small boobs, big teeth, not-so-flawless skin, short thin hair. She coulda write Sex and the City, that's how many men she had. It was all personality and confidence.

I see a problem with "I wanna be twin with my T". It shows you still lack the "you". Maybe it shows. I think men (and women) prefer women who can pull off their style. See as girl-who-likes-girls-(too)... I have beauty ideal. Yes, it's long haired, full bodied, brown eyed beauty. But I can fall for skinny pixie cut blondie if she has the spark and wears her clothes, hair, herself... proudly.

Well once again about your friend. Your description makes her seem average looking, but even an average looking women if she puts herself out there will get her plenty share of men wanting to go with her. Especially for casual sex.

The whole personality/ confidence thing is a tad overrated. I'd say confidence in men is more of a must. But personality, I don't buy that's a big an issue. How many players and jerks get their share of women and how many beautiful women who happen to be *****es get their share of men?

I think long term realationships personality bears more significance, but even then people can stay in toxic realationships for years.

[scorpiosis37]

I don't the hairstyle is the issue. As others have pointed out, the underlying issue seems to be a lack of a sense of self. Wanting to be "twins" with your T and copying her hairstyle suggests that you still have some work to do in figuring out who you are, what your style is, and developing a sense of self-confidence. There is a phase a lot of young girls go through where they want to look "just like" their best friends, and that's a normal part of development, but that's also something they outgrow when they get older and develop a stronger sense of self.

The other part of your post that struck me was the emphasis you put on being attractive to men. It seems that you're viewing your hairstyle as a way to relate to T and/or attract men, rather than as a way to express YOURSELF. Personally, I view my hairstyle as a means of self-expression-- I don't care who I may look like or who may find my hairstyle attractive. That's irrelevant. I want someone to be interested in me for who I am (personality, appearance, intelligence, etc)-- I would never change an aspect of myself or my appearance in order to be more similar to or attractive to someone else. If I did, then it wouldn't be "me" who they were attracted to in the first place.

I also think you're focusing here on a superficial element of similarity and attraction. Sure, you can have a haircut that is like someone else, but that doesn't actually mean anything. It doesn't make you any more like that person than you were before you changed your hairstyle. If anything, if the person you're emulating has a strong sense of self, then by copying her, you're showing that you don't have the kind of self-concept that she does. Similarity lies much more on the inside than it does on the outside. Same with attraction. I think most people would tell you that physical appearance has little to do with real attraction. The people who receive the most interest are the people who have the most confidence, vibrance, and unique characteristics. People are attracted to those who stand out as being their own person. Is T's confidence one of the things about her that you find compelling? Is it her hairstyle you really admire or who she is as a person?

The difference you've noticed (less attention) since changing your hairstyle may also be due to the fact that you're trying to put someone else's hairstyle on your face/body and, often, that doesn't always end up looking right. Have you seen pictures of those people who try to have celebrity hairstyles? They sometimes come out looking "off." Even back when I had a close friend who copied my hairstyle and clothes, something about it just didn't look right on her. Why? Because she was trying to be someone she was not. She looked much better a couple of years later when she figured out who she was and developed her own sense of style.

OP, you have to ask yourself what do you look better with. Short hair or long hair and go with that.

Besides, unless you have more or less the same body type and look similar facially, you're still look a lot different from your T. I assume you must look very similar now, because you say you're twins.

Also I disagree with someone else who said physical appearance has little to do with real attraction. It does I'm afraid. It's not the be all and end all but appearance is what draws someone in in the first place to get to know you, and if you're very good looking it helps with that.

[velcro003]

my dad was a freak and wouldn't let me leave the house with my hair being in a ponytail, because it should be long and flowing. I still give him grief about it to this day! (he's a changed man and now apologizes and cant believe he was like that)

but i agree that it is based on your own confidence. Men are attracted to many different things, the length of your hair shouldn't make one iota of a difference. And for the men who don't take a second glance bc you have short hair--you don't want those men anyway!

[Flooded]

I'm about to cut all my hair off despite what my husband thinks

[moonlitsky]

I think it's more about you and the relationship with your therapist and absolutely nothing to do with the length of your hair? When we are 'taken' - as in we are in a relationship, we give off different vibes that say 'we are taken'. Perhaps right now you are 'in relationship' with your therapist?

Maybe it would be more productive for you to work with the relationship with your therapist and what needing to be her 'twin' means?

Just a thought.....

Moon

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Melody_Bells

The result: it seems I am invisible to men. I used to get men flirting with me often, now....only once/twice a year?

Speaking as a man, I'll flirt with any woman who flirts with me first.
Perhaps it's more about confidence than hair?

If men want long hair and all the upkeep that goes with it, they can grow their own.

I'm wearing mine the way I like it.

Anyone, male or female, that doesn't like it can go pound sand for all I care.