[sunrise]

My T is gone this week so no session. 14 days between sessions. It's been a while since I did that. I'm not desperate or anyting, but I miss him, in a sweet way. Definitely feel his absence. I realize how I sometimes store things up to discuss with him. Certain events or feelings that arise. Now there is no place to put this stuff. So I'll lose it. It's OK, I just miss him.

Yesteday I met with my career counselor for 2 hours and later talked to my lawyer on the phone. I found myself dumping anxiety on them. I wondered if this is partly because T is not here and I am using them as a bit of a substitute. I also realized I don't usually go to T and really "dump anxiety" on him, so I'm not really using them in the same way, but it did feel good to get some of that anxiety out. My lawyer, expecially, is so great. My career counselor said something really interesting to me. She said I come across as very confident and it doesn't necessarily match my true feelings. She wonders if there wouldn't be an advantage to letting the others involved in my divorce know that I am not really that confident. Hmmmmmm.....

I had this other therapist substitute thing happen on Sunday afternoon. I was out shopping for a bed for myself. My husband is moving out later this month and taking all of our bedroom furniture with him. I need a new bed! I've been sleeping on the futon in the cold and messy basement for 2 years. I'm ready to move upstairs and reclaim the master bedroom for myself. So I went furniture shopping to make this rather significant purchase, and identified a couple of bed frames I liked. This sales guy walks up to me to help and introduces himself in a friendly way. "Hi, I'm 'Jack' , can I help you? If you can't remember that, just call me 'the bald guy.'" He is one of these guys who is going bald and shaves his head. OK, well my T's name is 'Jack' (not his real name but same as the furniture guy) and he shaves his head too. I said, "oh, I won't forget your name." Anyway, I really got along well with this sales guy--we kind of bonded. I let him sell me a really nice bed. It just seemed perfect and fitting to me, somehow. This is the start of new memories associated with my new bed. I like how it starts! (I really wanted my husband to take our old bed as I didn't want the ghost of the marriage hanging around the bed.)

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sunrise said:
He is one of these guys who is going bald and shaves his head.

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That's my T too!!! His head is never shaved completely clean, it's always buzzed.... but you can tell that he is going bald so he just buzzes it really close to his head rather than grow it out with a big bald spot, lol. I thought anything of that haircut before, but now every time I see a guy with it I feel like hugging him or something, lol.

I love your story about the bed. I think that is a wonderful beginning.

T substitutions make a lot of sense. Not that anyone could ever really be a substitute for what our Ts mean to us but I can compeltely understand the need to "let it out" to others when T is gone. In fact you may find little connections here and there that you wouldn't normally have realized.

[sunrise]

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pinksoil said:
I can compeltely understand the need to "let it out" to others when T is gone. In fact you may find little connections here and there that you wouldn't normally have realized.

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Pink, are you telling me that it is actually good for us when our Ts go away??

[Mouse_]

LOL!

[Perna]

Watch it! Now you'll have to tell your T Jack about the bed "your" other Jack sold you! Sounds like you're in Pink's dilemma with sex!

[MissCharlotte]

Sunny,

I'm with Perna. Do you think there's anything "to" the fact that this guy who looks like T and has a name like T sell you a BED? To replace your marital bed? Yowza

Hmmm, my T wouldn't fit in my bed, he's too tall. LOL

[ECHOES]

(((( sunny )))

Sorry your T is gone. Good that you are dealing so nicely with his being gone.

I'm glad to hear you're getting out of the basement and off the futon and into a bed at the end of the month!

I think it's a show of self-confidence that you are able to have the substitute T experiences as they require some vulnerability and self revealing.

[sunrise]

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sister said:
I'm with Perna. Do you think there's anything "to" the fact that this guy who looks like T and has a name like T sell you a BED? To replace your marital bed? Yowza

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Yeah, but the thing is this wasn't a dream and my unconscious did not come up with this symbolism. This happened in real life. I had no control over a bald guy named 'Jack' happening to be my salesperson. I did delight in the accidental symbolism of it, but it is not something my unconscious fabricated, lol.

I have had a dream where T was in my marital bed, though. In the dream I woke up in the night to angry yelling voices down the hall. Husband was yelling at my daughters, pounding on their doors. I discovered T in the bed with me, kind of sitting propped up next to me while I had been sleeping. He was keeping guard that everything was under control with my husband. He was listening to the yelling intently, waiting to intervene at the first sign of escalation. I felt like he was protecting me and my family. I was under the covers, and he was sort of reclining on top of the covers. We had the blankets as a barrier (boundary?) between us. It was fine. I even told him this dream, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him he was in bed with me. I said to him something like, "I woke up in my bedroom and heard yelling... You were there with me." I just couldn't bring myself to say "you were in bed with me." But I think he got the picture. After I told him this dream, he said to me, "It sounds as if you feel deeply partnered to me." That is such a total therapist thing to say, it was almost funny.

Anyway, so you can see we've kind of been through the bed thing together. There is no way I am telling him that in real life a bald guy named Jack sold me a replacement for my marital bed. I'm just leaving it in the realm of amusing but meaningful real life encounters.

[sunrise]

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ECHOES said:
I think it's a show of self-confidence that you are able to have the substitute T experiences as they require some vulnerability and self revealing.

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Thank you, ECHOES. (((hugs))) I like that.

I also like your bed smiley!