Has the therapist you hire told you that you hurt them?

Has the therapist you hire told you that you hurt them or upset them in any way?
Did you care?

She hasn’t. Do I care? Yes - because as a human, I don’t like knowing I hurt another human, and I genuinely like her. Does that affect how I am in future sessions - no. I work with her specifically because I don’t have to take her being into account.

I worry that I hurt T1 by leaving fairly abruptly and switching to a different T. She said I had to do what's right for me. And that she'd miss working with me. But she didn't say I hurt her, even though I suspect I did (because we've been working together for 6 years). I think she knows better than to tell me that, even if I did.

None of them have.

I might care in a vague Golden Rule way, but in the therapeutic context--where they claim to be able to handle almost everything short of criminal behavior that a client throws at them--I think it would be manipulative of a therapist to say that.

My first therapist said something i said to him was "like a dagger through [his] heart" and he also twice told me I had triggered him. It upset me a lot at the time. The unethical douchebag.
My current therapist would never ever say such a thing. I'm lucky I found a competent one.

I said "other" because none of them told me that I hurt them with these particular words. One of them had lots of impulsive and defensive reactions that seemed more like a hurt child than a therapist, he also sounded quite desperate and manipulative at times. He said, for example, that what I said to him was "nasty". I did not care about hurting him, if anything, I felt motivated to crush him a bit at times, especially after a while, because he was so incompetent and messed up in many ways, clearly not just from momentary error.

My other T could pretty much take anything without becoming defensive and sounding hurt. Just a much more secure, healthier person, I think. With that one, I did feel some guilt when I thought what I said went to far, but he never made me feel guilty about it.

My opinion is that it's not always bad for a T to provide feedback about how a client's behavior affects them to raise awareness, but it should never be expressed in an impulsive, angry, blaming manner.

She has, yes. Says she felt hurt, felt wronged by things I've said. :/

My t has never used the word "hurt" to describe her reactions to me. She did recently admit though that she had a negative reaction to something I said before she had a chance to step back and see the situation objectively.

I think I've probably hurt her feelings at least a couple other times, but not maliciously. She is trained to deal with it, so if she has ever felt hurt by something I've said or done, she has been capable of setting her feelings aside and looking at the big picture. It was only during our last rupture that I became aware of her taking something I did personally, and she admitted having done so temporarily.

Yes, she did. And yes, I cared. I felt terrible.

Interesting that people are reporting yes but no one has actually voted yes.

That sucks I agree, an unethical douchebag

I’m glad you’ve found a competent therapist now

I had a t who said I’d given her more “difficulty than any other client”
She was “all heart”

If that was true I’d be very surprised... I think she was just being mean

No, but I know I've hurt him. He looked hurted. And he keeps reminding me of this... situation. So seems I've REALLY hurt him.
Yes, I care. I felt terrible.

Perhaps because of what I said for my case: that often they express being upset and hurt but indirectly, not with those words or similar. I cannot imagine that a T who has conflicts with a client, intense negative reactions etc, never feels hurt and it never shows. They are not made of steel. With the one of mine I said it did not happen, we simply never really had ruptures and fights - easy that way. I imagine that few Ts would tell a client "you hurt me", it probably shows more through their complex reactions.

I voted yes. I feel terrible about what I said to T once. It was about her being thin. I was angry and left a mean message on her voicemail. She told me that it hurt her, and asked why I felt I had to say it. She told me she has feelings; she's human. I was glad she told me because it made me realize that just because she's a T and I pay her, that doesn't mean I can say hurtful things to her, about her. I care very much about her feelings.

While I didn't hurt her, when I told T that I drove past her house, she was upset, and even said she was scared. I felt very bad about that and promised never to do it again. This was the second time, in her other house. The first time I didn't promise.

I don't care when the woman says she has been upset by me - first I think it is a manipulative tactic on those people's part and secondly - if it by chance was true - then good - I think it is good when they see the game they set up has peril.

My therapist shares his feelings openly.

I'm pretty sure he's more scared of things/anxious about our therapy than I am.

My therapist shares her feelings when she thinks they will be useful for me. I tend to assume people are responding negatively to me when they not be, so sometimes I ask how something made her feel. Once or twice she has said that something we were going through in our relationship had upset her or was difficult or painful for her, but she has never said that I hurt her. When she does share her feelings, it's always in a calm, matter of fact way, and it usually happens after whatever it was is over. So I think I affect her, but I don't think she expects me to be responsible for making her feel better. That's not my job.

I didn't vote because it is old therapist not current and the question says "therapist you hire". I haven't hired him for nearly three years.

Sorry I can't vote on my phone/Tapatalk.

The pollster's lot is not an easy one.

I was not accusing anyone -I just found it interesting.

It didn't feel accusatory. Just explaining

I said other. Sometimes I say something that is hurtful (sometimes I mean to and sometimes not) and T lets me know that, but does not show a lot of reaction to it. So I think T just does not take it personally when I say hurtful things but sees that as a symptom instead.

I picked: No but I think I did. Four months ago, I told my therapist that I wanted to come less often, like twice or even once a month instead of every week. She got super defensive and told me that she didn't think it was a good idea. I told her that it was her opinion but as a client, I'm the one who get to choose how often I come. At some point, she raised her voice and yelled: "you don't trust me!" and "you are not going to teach me my job!" It's obvious that she was hurt that I somehow didn't love her, that I wasn't attached to her and that I couldn't care less about her (something I had long suspected). I stood up, handed her the money and walked out. Since then I've been on a "break". That's the official version but honestly, I don't think I'll ever go back to therapy. So yes I've hurt my therapist and that was the end of therapy because she made it all about her feelings by yelling at me. I don't care that she was hurt, it's not my problem what she feels. She's a grown woman and she should be able to handle things, especially when she's being paid precisely for that.

Nope... he says he doesn't take things clients say or do personally... so I know he isn't phased by anything

An old art therapist, who I didn't click with, early on told me I hurt her feelings. I can't even remember why she said that but it was over something ridiculous. She was pregnant and ended up going into labor early so our sessions stopped. I decided not to return even when she was back from maternity leave.

ETA- Maybe her hormones were making her moody? But either way I wasn't dealing with it.