[annielovesbacon]

Lately in therapy T and I have been talking about how I can't feel my own emotions. Like I feel numb, despite things happening to me that *should* make me feel things. And even when I do have emotions, I can identify them, but I don't FEEL them.
I know that doesn't sound like that makes a lot of sense. I think I've spent so long repressing my feelings that I don't know how to feel them, even though I want to.

Possible trigger:

I usually drink to avoid my feelings, or do drugs.

Have any of you ever struggled with this? Has your T helped you or given you advice about this?

[Swimmersusan]

I struggle with this too, I don't really have any advice because I'm still the same, but I just wanted you to know you notvakobe with this

I'm the opposite, i feel too much, so my T says to talk and think.

I think clients should take it at their own pace. You don't want your defenses to crumble at once, to suddenly feel all that pain.

You could try letting yourself be vulnerable with one childhood experience, tell the story slow and pause to feel. One at a time.

[satsuma]

Yes. For the first few years of therapy I didn't experience any feelings while I was in therapy talking to T. Although I think right from the beginning I did experience feelings - of abandonment - when the session ended. I also didn't experience any emotion when really bad things happened, or when talking about really difficult things.
But T said "I think those emotions are in there somewhere" and he was right. Before therapy, I used to sometimes experience huge amounts of emotion, for example upset or anger, over something that seemed very trivial to everyone else. That was what brought me to therapy in the first place, because I couldn't get over it by myself.
Now that a) I think it's ok to sometimes be upset and b) I'm able to feel and express emotion about really big events, I find it happens much less, hardly ever (I'd like to say never but that's not quite true) that I get uncontrollably upset over something apparently small.
I can say it is possible to get there - but it took a long time, for me!

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by satsuma

Yes. For the first few years of therapy I didn't experience any feelings while I was in therapy talking to T. Although I think right from the beginning I did experience feelings - of abandonment - when the session ended. I also didn't experience any emotion when really bad things happened, or when talking about really difficult things.
But T said "I think those emotions are in there somewhere" and he was right. Before therapy, I used to sometimes experience huge amounts of emotion, for example upset or anger, over something that seemed very trivial to everyone else. That was what brought me to therapy in the first place, because I couldn't get over it by myself.
Now that a) I think it's ok to sometimes be upset and b) I'm able to feel and express emotion about really big events, I find it happens much less, hardly ever (I'd like to say never but that's not quite true) that I get uncontrollably upset over something apparently small.
I can say it is possible to get there - but it took a long time, for me!

I'm so glad to hear that! If I may ask, how did you get from not feeling, to being able to feel and express emotions? Was there anything(s) specific you did to work on that?

[alpacalicious]

I think I'm not experiencing a lot of feelings related to certain things in my childhood. If I loock back I don't remember what I felt when I was a child. I guess I supressed a lot. I'm a feeler in general tho, I feel things intensely but I guess I repressed some emotions. Sometimes it's helpful to try to convey these feelings with images. At least in my experience, when I don't know how to describe my feelings I use images, or metaphors.

[satsuma]

Hi Annie, thanks
It's hard to say just which part of therapy helped exactly ... I think the experience of being treated as if I matter and my thoughts and feelings matter made me see myself differently and not feel so much need to suppress everything.
I grew up in an abusive household and I formed the impression, without really realising it, that I was a bad person. Also I was often told off and shamed for being upset, and sometimes told that this was proof that I was bad, so I had a lot of shame around my emotions and many years of trying to suppress them. We have worked a LOT on that - recognising that my mum is very unwell and that it's not in any way my fault. My T says that a huge sign of progress for me is that I am able to express upset and anger towards my mum.
We do schema therapy which is kind of like CBT but more in depth, and one of the things we have worked on both cognitively and with imagery work is overcoming the belief that I am a bad person. I truly don't believe it any more, and as I see myself as a "normal" person like everyone else, I think that it's ok for me to have emotions, sometimes be upset etc., just like everyone else.
It's amazingly liberating and I really hope that you will also be able to get to this place.

[hdmivision512]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

Lately in therapy T and I have been talking about how I can't feel my own emotions. Like I feel numb, despite things happening to me that *should* make me feel things. And even when I do have emotions, I can identify them, but I don't FEEL them.
I know that doesn't sound like that makes a lot of sense. I think I've spent so long repressing my feelings that I don't know how to feel them, even though I want to.

Possible trigger:

I usually drink to avoid my feelings, or do drugs.

Have any of you ever struggled with this? Has your T helped you or given you advice about this?

Perhaps knowing the feelings can be directed towards oneself, put into some sort of hobbie, could bring better understanding as to why they are being seen, or what can be done with them. Some people enjoy doing volunteer work but whatever feels safe to a person could help.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by alpacalicious

I think I'm not experiencing a lot of feelings related to certain things in my childhood. If I loock back I don't remember what I felt when I was a child. I guess I supressed a lot. I'm a feeler in general tho, I feel things intensely but I guess I repressed some emotions. Sometimes it's helpful to try to convey these feelings with images. At least in my experience, when I don't know how to describe my feelings I use images, or metaphors.

I feel the same way. Even when I do feel feelings, they're like images, not anything I can verbalize. I'm not sure how to convey them to my therapist, and I'm a terrible artist.

Originally Posted by satsuma

Hi Annie, thanks
It's hard to say just which part of therapy helped exactly ... I think the experience of being treated as if I matter and my thoughts and feelings matter made me see myself differently and not feel so much need to suppress everything.
I grew up in an abusive household and I formed the impression, without really realising it, that I was a bad person. Also I was often told off and shamed for being upset, and sometimes told that this was proof that I was bad, so I had a lot of shame around my emotions and many years of trying to suppress them. We have worked a LOT on that - recognising that my mum is very unwell and that it's not in any way my fault. My T says that a huge sign of progress for me is that I am able to express upset and anger towards my mum.
We do schema therapy which is kind of like CBT but more in depth, and one of the things we have worked on both cognitively and with imagery work is overcoming the belief that I am a bad person. I truly don't believe it any more, and as I see myself as a "normal" person like everyone else, I think that it's ok for me to have emotions, sometimes be upset etc., just like everyone else.
It's amazingly liberating and I really hope that you will also be able to get to this place.

Thank you so much for sharing. In my home when I was a kid, I wasn't necessarily punished or anything for sharing emotion, but my parents are not expressive at all and would tease me if I ever cried, so I suppose that's where it comes from.