[stopdog]

Do you actively seek to bond to the therapist? Is it an actual goal?
The woman has talked about bonding before but I have no idea why. Certainly it's not something I seek out. I really don't get what the point would be

[anais_anais]

Yes. I don't have much of a support system right now so in my case it makes sense.

But I also misread the title as "do you actively seek to bone"

[ElectricManatee]

I didn't really seek it out, and I don't think she actively encouraged it either, but it just sort of happened. I don't mind, and she doesn't seem to either. For me it's like, why do people bond over anything? Why do some people"click" and others don't? Beats me...

[atisketatasket]

Not actively. It either happens or it doesn’t. Mostly it doesn’t.

I don’t want to bone any of them either.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Do you actively seek to bond to the therapist? Is it an actual goal?
The woman has talked about bonding before but I have no idea why. Certainly it's not something I seek out. I really don't get what the point would be

T phrased it as "we are building a relationship". She encourages/invites me to reach out to her between sessions (i never do); and I think she is expecting me to "bond" to her in someway, but I can't--not right now. I didn't even bond to my own mother. I'm sure it's a trust issue and I have walls up and she respects where I am right now.

And, I don't know how you actively bond. I feel like it's just something that happens as you get to know your T and begin to trust and feel safe with her, which is slow going for me. I think the point is to repair broken bonds from your past, which is supposed help one heal---particularly from traumatic attachments.

[unaluna]

You guys are killing me! You know im gonna hafta tell my t about this!

[MobiusPsyche]

It's not a goal of therapy so I wouldn't say I actively seek it out. It happened as a result of sharing personal stuff with my T and having her respond in a supportive and non judgmental way.

ETA: And I don't think I would have made this much progress without the bonding part.

[Anastasia~]

I don't seek out a bond, but it ends up happening

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by anais_anais

But I also misread the title as "do you actively seek to bone"

Well, T2 is kinda hot, but not so much looking to bone him.

Bond a bit, maybe... But hopefully not as intensely as to MC.

I thought I was fairly bonded to T1, but walking away from her wasn't actually that difficult. So maybe not?

Save

I started to feel like my last therapist was a “friend.”’ I didn’t want to talk about my problems. It became more important to me to just have a nice conversation. It was a rude awakening when a billing problem came up and he wanted the cash from me. I realized he was not really my friend at all. Your friends don’t nickel and dime you over one session’s payment, after many years of sessions. He claimed I hadn’t canceled a session when I had. He demanded payment, and I thought he was a jerk. His schedule is never booked anyway. He didn’t lose any money.

I just started with a new therapist due to a change in insurance. This time a woman; maybe I won’t end up with that dynamic.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by anais_anais

Yes. I don't have much of a support system right now so in my case it makes sense.

But I also misread the title as "do you actively seek to bone"

Good lord - I am going to have start worrying about you as much as I do exhankster.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Do you actively seek to bond to the therapist? Is it an actual goal?
The woman has talked about bonding before but I have no idea why. Certainly it's not something I seek out. I really don't get what the point would be

God no! But--I do better with this T bc I like her, and find her more relatable than my other more blank-slate T--though she was perfectly kind too.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

In a way, I guess she could fall into the "other trusted circles" part of the definition above. I do trust her, appreciate the help she offers, like her as a person. I will feel sad when my work with her is done and it's time to say goodbye. I don't know about bonding as a particular therapy goal, but developing a trusting relationship has helped me.

[InnerPeace111]

I would say it’s more like I truly enjoy the connection I have with my therapist. She is kind and warm and safe and I find that I thrive on that. I never imagined how a bond like that could help me to grow as a person.

Originally Posted by anais_anais

Yes. I don't have much of a support system right now so in my case it makes sense.

But I also misread the title as "do you actively seek to bone"

Sorry this remonded me of the session I told my T I wanted to jump him.

I never actively sought to bond with my T but I trapped in the sticky part of the web

It was never a concrete goal, but I particularly like bonding with people here and there.

There are periods in my life where I get avoidant, especially living away from my hometown. Don't want to stay here so don't want to get close to anyone.

No. Yes. I'm one of the most independent persons you can meet, but I am also an addict.

[awkwardlyyours]

I believe I shall actively seek to bond "to" current T the next time around by discussing the whys, wherefores and implications of --

boning -- "to" vs. "with" vs. just boning -- the therapist,

and whether or not (nothing is a given in this world of ours, unfortunately), it leads to --

bonding -- "to" vs. "with" vs. (unfortunately it doesn't lend itself to a pared-down sentence structure the way boning does) -- the therapist.

Stay tuned for the results (both for the boning vs. bonding vs. boning-bonding discussion as well as any potential bonding [vs. boning] ensuing from it).

[stopdog]

I have no idea what you are talking about or how anything other than bonding got into this discussion.
I thought I was going to have to figure out what people who do want to bond were talking about. Instead I have no idea what almost anyone is talking about.

I don't get what the point would be in bonding with/to/at one of them.

[atisketatasket]

Sometimes, to bone someone, you have to bond with them first.

More seriously, to try to get the thread back on the right track before it hurtles off a cliff, I don’t think bonding is necessary. I think it can make it easier, maybe quicker, like a shortcut to realizing therapeutic goals faster, but it’s not required. (I’m taking bonding as deeper than a connection.)

For me, it's a bit like coming back to this website over and over, following some stories posted here, and sometimes disagreeing and debating with something that piqued my interest enough so that I won't just say *** and let it go.

[stopdog]

I don't think even a connection is needed.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Do you actively seek to bond to the therapist? Is it an actual goal?
The woman has talked about bonding before but I have no idea why. Certainly it's not something I seek out. I really don't get what the point would be

It’s no secret I have had bad experiences bonding with therapists in the past. I either trusted/felt bonded with a few T’s who did not deserve it. OR, had the experience of bonding with a subsequent T (who I felt was trustworthy) but I felt a lot of pain and grief when I had to leave her.

I began seeing my current T almost four years ago. I didn’t actively try to bond with her. I wondered if I would. I wondered if I should deliberately keep my distance from her, emotionally. I went with the attitude, ‘Let’s see what happens.’

T listened, seemed intelligent. I quarreled with her initially basically accusing her of not knowing what she was doing. We both almost called it quits. I had huge trust issues. I still do. We came to an understanding. It would have been weird, I believe, if I *hadn’t* had trust issues.

Now, looking back, i remember her being very open with me. At the end of each session she would say, “Call or email anytime. I am here.” It took me a while to
realize she was serious. It was as if she was soliciting the bond with me...or letting me know she was open to the idea.

I remember giving her my history and backstory for the first six months. I don’t remember feeling a bond with her. It felt more like a business arrangement. I was ok with that.

I wondered if a bond just happened or if it was something I had to decide to do...or not do.

I can recall the exact moment I became aware of a bond with her.....it was when she went away on her first vacation after I started seeing her. I talked with her a bit on the phone the day before she left and she ended the conversation with-

“I will think of you while I am gone and I will hold you in my heart."

=*(* That did it right there.

So, I discovered I had an emotional need in me that needed filled...and that’s the moment I felt the bond. June 24, 2014.

I’m wondering, if the client doesnt have an emotional needy place in them, maybe they wouldn’t need or want to feel bonded to a therapist?

I asked T what percentage of her clients see her just with a simple goal(s) and what percentage of her clients develop more of a bond with her. She said the split is about 20%/ 80%.

No, that's never been something I even really thought about. The idea of "bonding" with someone other than my parents or my children seems a bit odd to me. I'm not sure I even had "bonding" as a goal in my marriage. The term just seems wrong in the therapy context for me.