[toffeellen]

IVe spent so much of my young adulthood in misery trying to wrok through these emotional issues.

I guess I just think, what are 20-25year olds who dont have these issues doing with those 5 years?

Are htey maturing too? or are htey getting on with things? what is it LIKE not to have to be dealing with all this.

And if i go through therapy have i any hope of 'cathing up'.
ie I missed out on developmental stages while growing up, so now im having to work through them - but what about the maturing and stages healhty people are going through while im trying to go through the earlier ones? am I doomed never to expereince what it is like to be a mature human being?

tdoc just looked at me when i said this.

[sunrise]

toffeellen, no I don't believe you are doomed to never catch up! (((hugs))) As we age, the developmental stages slow down compared to when we are children and young adults. When you are older, the stages last longer, or the transitions to the new stages come less frequently. So yes, you can definitely catch up.

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tdoc just looked at me when i said this.

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He was probably blown away with the profundity of your question. Maybe most of his other clients don't ask such good questions and you actually made him think for a change. I hope you can return to this question in your next session and get him to share his thoughts. (Don't let your T off the hook. You are paying him to help you with these questions!)

[Fuzzybear]

(((((( toffeellen ))))))

[ECHOES]

catch up?

I think you will end up WAY ahead!

Why not ask your T what he thinks about this, ask why he 'just looked' at you. Bring it up again because it's important to you.

[MissCharlotte]

((toffeellen)),

I have to commend you on your insightfulness. When I was in my early 20's I was not even close to being aware of my "stuff." So now, in middle age I am dealing with "stuff" I could have been done with years ago.

Our issues present to us in life when we are ready to deal with them. Maybe you are lucky? I know it doesn't feel that way.

Oh, I hate it when T just looks at me when I say something. Isn't it maddening?

Best of luck...and yes, it is sooo frustrating and difficult.

Peace

[Rapunzel]

I really relate to your question too. I've worried about what I missed out on for all those years that I really didn't live my life. There were a lot of things that I did, but didn't really experience fully or enjoy, for whatever reason. I have a lot of regrets, and wish that I could have those years back. Mostly, I regret hiding in the background or the shadows, and not being noticed, and not having real, lasting relationships with others. I never believed that I had anything to offer that anyone wanted or cared about. I wish that I had known that there were choices and options and opportunities available for me. I couldn't see them, and lacked the confidence to look for them. I do feel like the gaps in my life have left me 'behind' and struggling to go back and re-capture those experiences. I'm not so concerned about catching up though. And I think that when we work through these things we can tend to get more out of them and value them more than if we had an average experience in the first place.

You may be aware of, or may be interested in Erikson's developmental stages. His theory was that poor outcomes at earlier stages would leave us stuck and unable to resolve later stages successfully. But he also thought that we can go back and work through those things and resolve them. That's what therapy is about. Here's a link if you would like to read more about Erikson's stages: http://www.learningplaceonline.com/s...ze/Erikson.htm As you will see, the major developmental task in adolescence is identity, and in young adult hood it is intimacy. I have always found that my experiences fit pretty well with this theory.

Rap