Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

My insurance has finally decided it's time to deny me the level of therapy I feel I need at this time. I've been going 3x week for a couple of months now. I had hoped to cut back down to twice a week if I could go more than a day or two without feeling suicidal, but that hadn't happened yet. They've said I have to go back to once a week starting next week. I guess I have no room to complain. Most people don't go three times a week. Fortunately, I can afford to pay out of pocket for an extra session but not two, and my therapist wants to check that I'm allowed to do that. He also wants to file an appeal with the insurance company. I think he finds it frustrating that his opinion, as my therapist, is being ignored. He says that according to the insurance company, if you need three times a week therapy you need an IOP program. It seems like that would be even more expensive than therapy.

The post descriptor for this thread said to say Cool Whip when the world is really bad.

I have only heard of emergency safe words in 'sex' jokes on tv, but this sure seems the best place for an emergency help word here!

Next week I am about to go on my first social outing since before I left my ex so about 15 years. It is a group of people with varying degree of social anxiety and mental illness. I am nervous but knowing the people who organise it are support workers who do it of their volition is reassuring.

I'm glad you're seeing a new pdoc.
I doubt they'll be worse than your pdoc.
Tell us how it goes

I get the feeling Xanax is going to be an important part of my life until the divorce hearing is over and done with Monday.

Every time I think of it I feel like I’m under water and need to breathe but I can’t.

I really hope new pdoc is way way way better than your former pdoc, Demunie

Good luck! Such support group outings have been a mixed bag for me but I'm glad for the friends I gained from them.

Not really triggering, but I'm too embarrassed to post it so I want to hide it lol



I know it's impossible, because I'm awful (don't tell me I'm not, it's beside the point), and I'm sad. I know life without love still worth living, but I think love is something amazing. I also know love wouldn't solve my problems and I would feel even worse if someone loved me. I just want to know how does it feel... One day free trial would be enough, lol.

And I can't tell T... He is a man.

It's like a bucket list I guess... Many people find that love is one of the most important parts in their life. Of course you want to experience that. And yes, I'm sure if you hang on, you will get to experience those things.

Do you think your T wouldn't understand? Or is the topic too embarrassing? Or?

(I mean, even I have managed to be in a relationship )

What do you mean by "even you"? You're nice, beautiful etc, and I'm... meh.

I have no chances to meet someone, because I never go out and I hate dating sites. And because I'm boring And most people my age are married, haha.

The topic is too embarrassing, yes. I would feel miserable

Most people my age are getting married too or already married.

And yet I found my partner...long distance...through a forum and its related IRC...11 years ago.

I wouldn't change my past of misery and pain because I wouldn't have gotten to know him otherwise.

There will be someone worthy, and you are worthy of love (romantic and platonic forms).

Lol. No. I'm the relationship-nightmare

Look, I can't promise that you'll find someone, but I'm pretty sure of it. I only know your personality and I like your personality very much. You're great - and Imm sure your T could handle the topic

Well, I think one guy... my friend... had a crush on me.
He always hugged me from behind, he could kiss my neck or check or say something like "You're mine".
He never told he had feeling or anything, so I keep thinking there was nothing romantic... But I'm not sure. Maybe I'm not as disgusting as I think and someone can love me??

We're living in different cities for the last ~3 years. We met in July and he still likes to hug me lol.

Sorry for TMI

Not TMI - i'm quite sure you're not nearly as disgusting as you think. I'm glad you have him

I'm not glad because he doesn't respect my feelings. Long story...
And we don't text or anynithg so I don't have him.

Nevermind, I shouldn't think about this. I'll never experience love. That's it.

Now let's talk about kittens or anything

Hugs. Sorry... didn't mean to make you feel worse

No kittens but puppy

Mala....

Needed that cute face. Session in an hour, feeling like it is going to be packed, and yet at the same time like I need to catch my breath.

Hugs, head nods, etc to all who want/need.

I'll pocket ride with some additional oxygen if you want :-)

Thanks, Munie...that means a lot.

Mala is soo cute when I was first diagnosed with a mental illness when I 19 I got a yellow lab I called him Argon, but I don't remember him being nearly as cute as Mala. It was 30 years ago. He did turn out to be pretty lazy

Haha, yeah, she is cute. I couldn't even be angry with her when she ate my glasses.

Ahh, Argon is a nice name - I'm sure he was cute too, they just grow up / get large soooo fast.

I'll pocket ride- If i'm not too late!

The puppy is beautiful!

Lost, I'm in.

Omg am I too late to pocket ride?

*runs after Lost*