[Tortoise10]

Hi everyone,

Usually I'm just a quiet reader, but now there is something I wanted to ask. I can't seem to figure it out by myself and I was wondering if you guys have an answer for me...

I have heard of this before, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. My therapist, sometimes, when she texts or mails me, uses my name really explicit. It is really obvious when she does this. Like, how are you (name) or that's right (name).

Why does she do this? I mean I think it's some kind of therapy thing, but I can't seem to find it anywhere.

So, does anyone have any experience with this or know why she does this? And yeah I am a control freak who likes to know what is going on ;-). Thanks!

[PinkyDoo]

I can't say for sure, but I think using someone's name a lot, especially associated with positive things (like "that's right") makes a person feel important. She's probably doing this to help you feel important to her, comfortable, and maybe also empowered.

[Elio]

I think it also can clarify that she is seeing you, specifically you and not some random email response.

From a customer service perspective, back in my younger years, we were encouraged to use the caller's name as a way to try to build rapport or connection to them, to try and let them know/feel that we are there, with them, and we hear their concerns.

I think it is a style of communication similar to how parents use the "we don't do x" rather than saying "stop doing x".

[stopdog]

I think it is a tactic they use at clients. I have no idea why, but I assume some misguided attempt to make the client feel something. The woman I just stopped seeing used my name all the time - I never ever-not even once - used her name at an appointment. There are only two of us in the office- if we can't figure out to whom the other is speaking - then I don't think therapy is going to help. Particularly if it is the therapist that can't figure it out.

[SummerTime12]

That’s interesting, my T does the opposite. I’ve never heard him say my name besides one time when he called me, after I answered he said “hi, (my name)?”
And he pronounced it wrong lol

I think it can be a tactic too.

A takeout place nearby asks for your first name on the order. They then use it to ask what salads you want. Its nicer than being a number...

My t only uses my name when hes trying to stress a point I think.

It works, cos I notice lol

[LonesomeTonight]

I think it's a therapist thing, because I've noticed that my marriage counselor does that, too in e-mail/text responses--like always includes my name in there somewhere (and not just "Hi LT, here's my response" but like, "Yes, LT, that can be difficult," or something like that.)

[Tortoise10]

Thank you all for your responses.

Yeah I know for sure it's some kind of therapist tactic. It's so obvious... Like well yep that's my name haha! Anyway, I also think it's a lame attempt to make me feel heard or to make a connection or something in that direction. Interesting to hear the others who noticed it aswell.

[zoiecat]

My T only uses my name when he is trying to bring me back if I am dissociating really bad. He also uses my full name sometimes when he is referring to me as a whole includong all of my parts. (I have DID)

I used to work in customer service and I hated using people's names because personally I hate it when people use my name all the time. I don't exactly know why but it just bugs the crap out of me. I hate it the few times my T uses it in session.

[Amyjay]

i don't think its a therapy thing, I think its a people thing. I've noticed some people use people's names all the time in conversation even in one to one conversation, and most people don't. my current therapist never uses my name when speaking to me, my ex therapist used to use to all the time in talking and in emails. Just like some people do and some people don't. I personally hate it both in therapy and real life. I think its a waste of time and it annoys the heck out of me. You really don't need to use my name when we are the only people in this conversation. It is a waste of time!

[Wonderfalls]

It depends where in the sentence and how often it's used. Like: "Betty I want you to know..".doesn't bother me in moderation, but: "You can see, Betty, that..." is annoying. It just feels more phony that way. People can also overuse your name as a condescending or hostile tool. (Doesn't sound like your therapist is doing that.)

After I asked at the beginning how my pdoc/therapist wanted to be called and he said "Dr. Jones" he was obliged to refer to me as "Ms. Smith". He doesn't do that in session, thank heavens, but when he's talking to the secretary. "Terry, can you change the schedule of Ms. Smith for Thursday?"

I don't know if this is a therapist thing... I think many people do this and sometime overdo it (in that case it can annoy me). Maybe the idea is to emphasize recognition of the individual? Make the conversation seem more personal?

The other similar thing that sometimes bothers me: if there is a longer email thread between two people and someone signs every single message with their name, as though it would be unclear whom it comes from. This I have definitely seen overdone by both of my therapists.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think it is a tactic they use at clients. I have no idea why, but I assume some misguided attempt to make the client feel something. The woman I just stopped seeing used my name all the time - I never ever-not even once - used her name at an appointment. There are only two of us in the office- if we can't figure out to whom the other is speaking - then I don't think therapy is going to help. Particularly if it is the therapist that can't figure it out.

It's a salesman's trick.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I don't know if this is a therapist thing... I think many people do this and sometime overdo it (in that case it can annoy me). Maybe the idea is to emphasize recognition of the individual? Make the conversation seem more personal?

The other similar thing that sometimes bothers me: if there is a longer email thread between two people and someone signs every single message with their name, as though it would be unclear whom it comes from. This I have definitely seen overdone by both of my therapists.

I think I have my email set up with my name as my signature so it come up everytime just because it is there when i type the email.

[Elio]

Oh, lately my T has started saying "hey, Elio" when she thinks I'm starting to disassociate or she needs to bring me back to her. It seems to be working.

[Fernwehxx]

Mine usually only says my name when she greets me, but not always or explicitly.

I,think people feel heard, important, acknowledged amd such when they hear their name. A while back, I heard a cuatomer complain to someone else in the company that she felt I didnt even kniw her name. Fact ia, I do not use names when directly talking to people. I then greeted her with her name and she told me, wow, I didnt think you knew... And I explained that in my culture, that comes across as somewhat passive-aggressive if someone does it all the time. Lol.

As a t, id prob use peoples names to show I know them. Or in moments when I say sth carrying a lot of meaning. I dont mind if my t uses it in certain situations, but if she starred overusing it, id tell her how to stop.

[stopdog]

I think those people think they are making a client feel heard etc when using their name. However, it just isn't true.

[feralkittymom]

I think our response to our name (or names) is very powerful unconsciously, but varies consciously.

SD, have you ever read Vicki Hearne's Adam's Task? I think a smart T uses names with a similar perspective; a mediocre T uses names as a cheap sales tool.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think those people think they are making a client feel heard etc when using their name. However, it just isn't true.

It may be true for some but I meant it is not universally true. It never did anything positive or negative for me. I didn't feel they were paying more attention to me or cared more when they used my name, Or important or acknowledged in anyway. I mostly felt like the woman was trying to remind herself who it was sitting there- i don't think it had anything to do with me at all

[runlola72]

My therapist has never spoken my name. But in emails he uses it in a greeting. Not so explicitly as you indicated your T does, though. I think that might make me feel weird.