[MessyD]

I thought it would be interesting to see how much everyone shares with their T. Are there things you keep from them or are you completely an open book? And if you are keeping things from them, is it purposely, or is just something not relevant? Is is something that just never comes up? Or are you afraid to talk about it? Or ashamed? Or just not enough time to say everything? Would you tell them is they asked?

My T knows me pretty well as a person but there are still lot of things that i keep to myself. Some are just not relevant to therapy, but I'm starting to realize i keep some things to myself that might be useful to talk about.

Some examples:
- I never tell him that I have hard time, when we skip a session or that sometimes i count hours till the next one. I would be terrified to tell him that although sometimes I want to.
- I did tell him about my occasional SH, but now I only talk about it when he asks.
- He knows that i drink (figured it out himself) but doesn't ask about it anymore and I don't say anything because I'm ashamed.
- He knows i minimize and dismiss my feelings a lot but doesn't know how badly I actually sometimes feel. I am preparing to tell him and we did talk about me being afraid to talk about it and him being able to receive it.
- I never told him that I occasionally check out his business page. I don't know why I am afraid to tell him, I don't look up his personal stuff, although I accidentally did find out something about him.
- I guess I am somewhat attached although I hate to admit it even to myself.
-I am not huger but it means a lot to me when he hugs me but I act like I don't care about it.
- Oh, and I don't know how obsessed I am with therapy stuff and that I read here on PC. I don't think he needs to know that.
- And main reason I'm starting this thread because there is a long time before I see him again, so I'm trying to distract myself more.

I know I am supposed to talk about what is relevant to me. And none of these things are really a reason I am in therapy but somehow I think I might want to talk about them eventually, once I stop being a chicken and find more courage.

Ok enough about me, I would like others to share, if you are interested.

[zoiecat]

I keep quite a bit of important stuff from my T and he knows I do. He knows I am too ashamed to tell him some stuff because I have refused when he has asked.

He does not know the extent of my sui plans, or my method of SH. He does not know half the twisted thoughts that go on in my head. I told him he will never know.

He also knows I have trust issues so I assume he figures I will tell him eventually. Unfortunately some of my parts have come out and spilled the beans on some stuff so he actually knows more than I want him to.

[DP_2017]

I'm mostly open but I don't talk about the extent of my feelings for him. He knows i have friend desires but doesn't know how often its on my mind and what things I think about it. I'm too scared of rejection so I won't say more than i have. I also wont discuss ending therapy. I shut him down if he brings it up.

[All Is Revealed]

This year I was very open with him. I told my T I hate the fact how he assumes I want to hurt others. I told him that just because I feel like smacking someone doesn't mean I'm going to do it. I won't go to jail for someone else.

I told him he appears he doesn't care about what I need to say.

I told him to STOP defending those insignificant pigs who harmed me.

I'm only keeping one thing from him. I think he's incompetent and he stinks as a therapist. I'm waiting for my insurance to change in January to possibly break up with him.

:redface

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I'm mostly open but I don't talk about the extent of my feelings for him. He knows i have friend desires but doesn't know how often its on my mind and what things I think about it. I'm too scared of rejection so I won't say more than i have. I also wont discuss ending therapy. I shut him down if he brings it up.

I think its brave that you were at least able to tell him about your desires. Fear of rejection is a big one.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by All Is Revealed

This year I was very open with him. I told my T I hate the fact how he assumes I want to hurt others. I told him that just because I feel like smacking someone doesn't mean I'm going to do it. I won't go to jail for someone else.

I told him he appears he doesn't care about what I need to say.

I told him to STOP defending those insignificant pigs who harmed me.

I'm only keeping one thing from him. I think he's incompetent and he stinks as a therapist. I'm waiting for my insurance to change in January to possibly break up with him.

:redface

Sounds like it's time to say goodbye

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have told my T pretty much everything. The only thing I haven't told her are some thoughts I have. But she knows the worst thoughts I have, and has helped me with them, so I haven't felt the need to bring it up. Otherwise, T knows everything from my deepest secret, to my feelings about her, everything that went on with ex-T, etc.

[snowangel17]

Don't keep anything from my T. Some things are more difficult to bring up and talk about than others and some things take longer to feel comfortable talking about but feel like they are there to try and understand what's going on with us and in order to do that they need to know how we think and what we are thinking IMO.

[DP_2017]

I hate how often im editing my thoughts out of fear. Fear of being kicked out or transferred etc. While you can tell them anything...several things come with big risks.
I wish i could talk about my feelings for him but i cant deal with being told its common etc. I just hope they vanish soon. At times i cant even sleep cuz I think of how bad i want to be friends etc

This is an interesting thread. I know the reasons I keep things from my t and I wondered why others keep things. I kept my eating disorder a secret for the last three years. I just kept telling her I was on a diet.
I kept it from her because I knew she wouldn't understand or want to talk about it. I wish now that she could have held that space for me to discuss it and to stop myself before it got too far.

[stopdog]

There are all sorts of things I don't tell the woman. Lack of relevance, knowing the woman was not going to be useful, and just not wanting to are the reasons.

[nottrustin]

The only things I have not told her are that I occasionally check her FB page as well as her son's. She knows that her son has popped up under my "people you may know." Because he went to school with and is friends with my niece.

That I look to her like an aunt and love her like one but I know that our relationship can never be that and I am mostly okay.

I haven't told her these things as I don't see the point or benefit. Other than that I eventually tell her everything. She also knows if she asks me a question I will always be honest.

I keep nothing from her. I tell her anything and everything. I dont see a point in keeping things from her. I spend too much money on trying to get help. And besides, even if I wanted to hide anything from her, she’s so good that she would manage to get it out of me somehow

[MrsDuckL]

Interesting thread! To the stuff that brought me to therapy in the first place—I try not to withhold information. But yes, there’s definitely stuff I hold back. My therapist has a low level media presence, so I’ve never told him I listen to all his radio interviews or that I’ve read each and every article written or quoted by him that I can find. He would probably be ok with this (he uses his name in print, so it’s easy to find)—but I get paranoid of coming across like a stalker. I definitely do not and will not mention that I discovered that his spouse has unlocked social media pages.

I think there are a whole heap of minor things that we just don’t have time to discuss, but maybe will eventually. So I guess falls in the “haven’t gotten around to it” category.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

This is an interesting thread. I know the reasons I keep things from my t and I wondered why others keep things. I kept my eating disorder a secret for the last three years. I just kept telling her I was on a diet.
I kept it from her because I knew she wouldn't understand or want to talk about it. I wish now that she could have held that space for me to discuss it and to stop myself before it got too far.

It's sad that you felt like you couldn't talk about it? Aren't you a therapist yourself? Last couple things I've read I think if anything you're going to learn a lot from your therapist that will help you become a better one. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

[MessyD]

I don't really want to hide anything from my T either, I want him to have all the information, but I do tend to minimize things or back off from saying something, which later I might regret. But if and when he asks me something, I wouldn't lie. It's just sometimes I feel like it's not important or who cares, but I'm trying to get over that.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by MrsDuckL

Interesting thread! To the stuff that brought me to therapy in the first place—I try not to withhold information. But yes, there’s definitely stuff I hold back. My therapist has a low level media presence, so I’ve never told him I listen to all his radio interviews or that I’ve read each and every article written or quoted by him that I can find. He would probably be ok with this (he uses his name in print, so it’s easy to find)—but I get paranoid of coming across like a stalker. I definitely do not and will not mention that I discovered that his spouse has unlocked social media pages.

I think there are a whole heap of minor things that we just don’t have time to discuss, but maybe will eventually. So I guess falls in the “haven’t gotten around to it” category.

I feel the same way, I worry I would look like a stalker, even though it's his professional page and I know it's not wrong looking at it. Now I think maybe him not knowing about it makes it worse. And I also found out something personal which I'm still not sure about, but thanks to weird Facebook that showed him as my friend suggestion I got to see his profile picture that revealed quite a lot and surprised me. I never clicked on it as I don't want to look through his personal profile but I sort of would feel like a stalker if I told him now.

When I was younger, I had this fantasy and wish to find someone I could tell anything and everything to, one single person who would be interested in exploring the rabbit holes of my sometimes bizarre and definitely non-linear thought processes and inner world in general, without limits. I learned it first hand how it is not a good idea to do it with one single person for me, from a romantic relationship lasting several years in my early 30's. It became obsessive, addictive, and lost touch with reality.

And if it was not possible (and in fact quite destructive) in that sort of relationship for me, it would definitely not be a good idea with a therapist, in the very limited and asymmetrical construct therapy provides. So in therapy, I pretty much handled it the same way stopdog described above, although I did often get carried away with sharing all sorts of things with the Ts via email that I regretted afterward.

[Lemoncake]

I don't talk about periods and sex. And he's never asked me about the first one. So at the moment- nothing.

I've been spending a lot of time with a new guy friend since school started again in October. I didn't mention him, previously because all we do is simply mainly just study together. I guess I held back because I thought he would think that I was leading this new guy on if I was spending 4 plus hours with him.

I was overseas to attend an important workshop, with supposedly important people. I did not want to go the second day. I think it was jetlag, but it was important for me to be there. I was in contact with my standby therapist, and being mindful of her duties as a therapist, she was really pushing for me to attend. The hour before I bailed and did not email her to let her know.

I am just so exhausted.

[chihirochild]

I haven't told my T that I often fantasize about her putting her arms around me, or coming to my apartment to sit on the edge of my bed and talk with me when I'm sad.

Part of the reason I can't tell her is that I hate the word "fantasize" because to me it has an inherently sexual connotation, which grosses me out in this context. It's not that I'm a prude, honest! I think it's because the thought of anything sexual happening between my T and me squicks me out, and the thought of discussing anything sexual happening between my T and me squicks me out even more.)

To be honest, the force of this longing and the fantasies that go with it is so strong that I think I'd feel better if I just told her. Maybe I should do that when I see her on Tuesday...

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Part of the reason I can't tell her is that I hate the word "fantasize" because to me it has an inherently sexual connotation, which grosses me out in this context.

Agree about "fantasize." I prefer saying "the image of you doing X for me" or "the idea of you being there for me when Y happened."

[snowangel17]

Originally Posted by chihirochild

I haven't told my T that I often fantasize about her putting her arms around me, or coming to my apartment to sit on the edge of my bed and talk with me when I'm sad.

Part of the reason I can't tell her is that I hate the word "fantasize" because to me it has an inherently sexual connotation, which grosses me out in this context. It's not that I'm a prude, honest! I think it's because the thought of anything sexual happening between my T and me squicks me out, and the thought of discussing anything sexual happening between my T and me squicks me out even more.)

To be honest, the force of this longing and the fantasies that go with it is so strong that I think I'd feel better if I just told her. Maybe I should do that when I see her on Tuesday...

Depending on what your T is like it may be bey helpful to talk to them about these feelings. I had a similar experience but talking to my T whilst hasn't changed the feelings has definitely been helpful . ... good luck I hope she responds as a T should with empathy and understanding

[annielovesbacon]

-like you said, she doesn't know how hard it is for me to go a long time between sessions
-she doesn't know that I used to self harm (since it's not a current problem for me I see no reason to tell her)
-she doesn't know that I abuse drugs
-she doesn't know how much of a hold my ED has over my life
-she doesn't know how much I know about therapy, psychology, and the therapy process (i play dumb about it, I don't know why, I like to see what she will and won't tell me even if I already know)

[awkwardlyyours]

That I think she is mildly racist (as her form of liberalism usually tends to be) and likely also has a load of internalized misogyny (again, her belief in her politics seems to make her blind to it).

Then again, I'm not exactly perfect. So, eh, whatevs.

Unless I'm pissed at her for other reasons, of course.

In which case I drop passive-aggressive hints about it all.