What kind of thing are you keeping from your T?

I previously posted that I would love to tell my T that he is incompetent. I still feel that way.

I would also like to tell him that I'm sexually attracted to him.

I tell my T almost everything about me. I don't tell her that I'm not sure I believe EMDR works, and that sometimes I don't like her methods. We don't do much EMDR anymore. I haven't told her that I don't like her profile, that she looks like a different person when I see her from the side.

It took a long time to tell her I feel inferior to her, and how I think she must think I'm fat, but I even told her that. Some things I used to only email, would not tell her in person, but that changed. It's hard to keep anything from my T.

That is funny, I don't know why I also like to play dumb and not tell him things that I know or I'm interested in, altough he knows I'm interested in psychology. But he doesnt know how much I read about therapy. Maybe I should tell him.

There are things that I've held back on. I think mainly because I'm still not honest about them with myself.

I try not to hold back, because I am paying her money so that she can help me. And the best way to be helped is to be honest.

I agree with being honest. I try to do the same, and certainly don't lie, but sometimes fear gets in a way and before I realize it I'm minimizing, dismissing or using my favorite answer "I don't know".

Don't telly proc anything substantial or of value. He knows I am not going to spill my guts to him or anyone else so we just keep it light. And superficial.
Occasionally we debate on the ethics of mental health care and the socio political attitude towards drug addiction. Aside from that, he just signs my prescription.

Ah, yes, the infamous "I don't know." Which is usually, "I don't want to talk about it." I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses it.

So I did sort of tell her this. I couldn't muster the courage to say it straight up so I said something similar/related--I think like, "when I'm at home and I can't get out of bed and I can't even move because I am too miserable it feels like the only thing that could ever make me feel any better would be for you to come talk to me, to touch me--maybe put a hand on my shoulder. But I know that's outside of the frame of this therapy--this idea that this is the only thing that could possibly make me feel better can't be right. How can I accept what you're able to offer?" (I know, I know... I chickened out. I was trying, honest I was.)

Anyway. Her response was something like, "I bet that would feel really good in the moment--the transgressive nature of the act would make you feel special. And I think in part you want some physical gesture from me because you don't feel held and comforted by my words or my presence--maybe it seems to you like physical touch, at least, would allow you to feel something. But the reason I wouldn't do that with you is because it wouldn't help in the long run. I think it would hurt. One day you will be able to feel comforted by my words."

I'm not totally sure why she used the word "transgressive"--not sure if that referred to touch or a home visit. And I don't really understand why it wouldn't help in the long run. Like, what would be wrong with using the temporary "crutch" of physical touch until I'm able to feel comforted by her voice/words/presence/whatever?

I guess I'll have to ask her next week. In the meantime, if anyone has any theories on the above, I'm all ears...

Here is one convoluted explanation by one of those guys:
Touch in Therapy | Jung At Heart

Same here. I'm lucky that my therapist sees through it... on my like second session she said "Usually when someone says 'I don't know' it just means they don't want to talk about it" and so when I say "I don't know" she doesn't let it slide, she lets me sit there until I've decided what I can say. Sometimes I truly don't know and she understands that too.
It makes therapy very difficult but then again if therapy was easy it wouldn't be very helpful.

I am unable to tell my t the things I am unable to tell myself yet. Sometimes I (or parts of me) try to tell her things that are still beyond my ability to know them. It doesn't work out well. I push too hard, my T always tells me to slow down, give it time, not try to say things before I am ready. it's a bit hard when one group of parts of me are desperately pushing forward trying to "tell" and another group of parts are trying to silence those trying to speak.
Sometimes I feel like I am the piggy in the middle who gets caught in the crossfire.
Ouch!

I keep a few relevant things away from T.

I keep them away from you, too.

I do NOT tell my T anything to do with how much I actually like her, count on her and respect her opinion. I'm way more obsessed with her than I think that she realizes. About 2 months in she went on a 3 week vacation and had asked if she should set up a back-up counselor for while she was away and I said it wasn't necessary. When she returned, I had been fine without her and told her that and I really feel like I saw a wave of disappointment or maybe it was relief come over her face. But now, I am wayyyyy more attached and I think that she thinks that if I were going to be attached it would have shown when she was on her 3 week trip.

There are SO MANY opinions out there on the subject. In the end, I think you have to decide what is best for you and I think we all know deep down. My therapist allows touch but, for me, it's perhaps for a different reason. My parents rarely touched me and now I have a hard time accepting care from others. So, part of my therapy experience is accepting her care whether it's through words or actions. I think it may have been 6 months to a year before I even wanted or asked to hug her. When I've gotten upset, she's held my hand or put a blanket over me. In all the cases we've discussed it, the meaning, etc. I'm at the point now where I don't want it all the time anymore. I once asked her what if I never want to stop coming to see her. She responded then that means the work isn't done. I sometimes think giving us a little helps us heal ourselves. I once told her I felt bad telling others on here that she offers touch. She said but they should know that there are therapists out there who offer that and it's not always considered wrong. So, there you go. If you love your therapist and she's really helping you, then you may have to just discuss touch. We all have our boundaries and we aren't perfect.