Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

An 04 Mazda 3, there is not much wrong with it cosmetically which will make it harder to negotiate a lower price just stone chips hoping the safety inspection comes up well. Hoping for a good cash discount.

I emailed my T and asked about game night. He never responded to me. Now I'm really worried something terrible happened like he's dead or his wife is dead or his baby. I would rather it be him ignoring me than one of those situations

if there is any way to do the ablation- even a Go Fund Me etc- I think it would change so so much in his favor. I feel for the extreme stress WPW puts over everything. I am so sorry about your past 24 hours.

So apparently the stuffed animal I associate with T is a goofy-looking orange dinosaur. Congrats, T--you've hit the "I'm snuggling a stuffed animal that I associate with you when I'm feeling bad" level. Don't mess this up.

Cool BCM.

Hopefully your t is just busy or something JD.

((((LT))))

Yikers, couch—looks like it’s been a hell of a weekend

Hugs all around (for those who want ‘em)

My t did the same thing last year. We had no boundaries basically. He'd come to my house. Tuck me in. He stayed the night once. Emails calls and texts. Gifts... Telling me he wanted to take me to Colorado backpacking. Lots of stuff. Then it was like.... Nothing. I'm still trying to recover from it

I KNOW t remembers all of that. I know he knows he messed up royally. But that doesn't take away my hurt. I have found it retraumatizing to be honest. I just hope he learned from it.

Lt... You can PM me if you want. If not its ok. No pressure

I went to bed at 10:15 and woke up at 4:00 because of mild cramps in my legs. Haven't had cramps since Thanksgiving. Took the new med last night, diclofenac, but not muscle relaxant. Yesterday felt pretty good; it's the nights that are terrible!! I couldn't go back to sleep. Have a busy day. I'm supposed to visit family Wednesday. Bus trip. I see T today. Right now I'm nauseous. My anlke is swollen too. My dr. isn't in until tomorrow. Did I say this sucks?

T wrote back. I am satisfied lol. I left the present I got for the community on the porch. t said awww thank you!

Hugs to everyone... SEems like it's been a pretty bad weekend.

rainbow - I know this sucks. I really hope your cramps get better soon... Being in constant pain, even if it's mild pain, is terrible.

DNA: Glad your T finally responded

SP: That just sounds super scary... I'm glad there's nothing more wrong with your Hs heart.

LT: I'm sorry MC screwed up that big. I hope your orange-dinosaur T will be able to help you deal with it tomorrow. I'll pocket ride for that (and MC later) if you want.

BCM: Yay on the car!

BCM - hope the car goes well.

Thanks JDNA--I may take you up on that PMing thing later.

But yeah, it's like MC had forgotten about all the phone calls and that stuff...I mean, he actually said the following in a text to me yesterday, my response to which led to his calling me:

"It would probably be better for you to discuss it with [T] if you want to talk about it individually, and for me to be clean and consistent about my role as the couples therapist."

My response: "So suddenly you’re calling that into play? Why do you always get so weird with me if I mention that word... [referring to L-word here]? Like, I’m feeling particularly vulnerable, so now you suddenly block me out."

"The other week, it was OK for you to call me (when I hadn’t requested that) in response to an e-mail where I was upset with you about how you were handling stuff with me and [H]. And now this is something directly related to my relationship with you, and suddenly that’s not OK?"

He called after that...

Oh dear, did I kill the couch? Doubt this will help much, but: Pocket riders for MC session in an hour? T session earlier helped some, but still pretty freaked out about it. Debating sitting in chair furthest from him instead of my spot on the sofa where I'm right next to him...(he's in office chair, but quite close--he's trying to approximate how we used to sit in his old, bigger office, when he was on a couch).

I'll hop in LT. Hoping for the best possible outcome for you.

I'm in, LT.

Still time? I'm in if so? I've got my session in 10 minutes.

I'm trying to remove my H from my health insurance coverage to save a little money. It's so humiliating having to tell HR about prison sentences and restraining orders. I want to go hide now.

I think I'm too late but hope it went well.

A famous medical lecturer came to our university today. I was a complete and utter fan girl and asked if I could get a photograph with him. xD

The first boy that I fell in love with was also there, chatting away with a new girl and I'll admit I was jealous- just kept thinking that everyone was better than me. Doesn't help that we were sat in the same row. but with 5 seats between us. One of my ex best friends was also there.

Now I'm at home feeling rather down, tired and eating chocolate.

You got in for the last 45 minutes! (Started at 2:15, he kept us for hour and 15 minutes). Thanks!

Thanks for the pocket riders. Session went better than I'd expected (OK, that's not saying much, as I expected it to be a disaster). Lots of awkward silences in the beginning, me having trouble looking at MC (I sat in usual seat), me holding a pillow in my lap as a sort of psychological barrier, lots of my playing with my beaded bracelet that I took off and staring at the floor. It felt like he was really trying though. Not being defensive like I expected him to be. I think he could tell how wounded I was

By the end, somehow he was considering the possibility of doing a couple individual sessions with me in the future, which is something that was a giant NO for the past couple years. We did a couple when I first admitted transference to him, and at the end of the second one, he'd said "My door is always open to you," referring to individual sessions. When I tried to go through that door a couple months later, he was like NO and really hurt me in how he said it, eventually admitting that his offer had been a mistake. So this has been something that's been off the table for a long time. I've brought it up once or twice, to be shot down. On the phone call yesterday, he'd apparently thought that was what I had been requesting, which was part of why he'd been objecting so strongly, when, no, I very explicitly (like...in an e-mail) had asked for a phone call. Once he realized that on call, he was like, "Oh." (As most of you likely know, he's certainly given me plenty of phone calls...some as long as a session.)

So...it's quite confusing to me that he's now considering this. Maybe I said the magic words or something? H said today he's fine with it, too. MC is worried about potential harm to me...but I said, what about potential benefits? I mean...clearly I haven't resolved the transference, so...shouldn't we try different methods? He didn't seem to understand how my talking with him about it is different from talking to T about it...when I thought it was fairly obvious...Anyway, he's supposed to think about it between now and next session.

Hugs, NP...

LT I honestly don't mean this as an attack but just as a question- but I know words on a screen may come out differently, but why does the transference need to be resolved per se and not accepted? You've opened up your heart and mind to someone you trust. It seems natural that feelings of love would take root and that MC would be seen as a father figure because you have unmet needs.

One thing that stands out to me is his inconsistency, which itself creates confusion. I could understand why individual sessions with him could be helpful instead of with T.

Not that you asked, LT, so sorry to butt in, but I think more individual sessions with MC are a bad idea. It is further proof of his inconsistency, which up to this point has hurt you. Why would this be any different?

Apparently, your husband being in prison and therefore unable to even use insurance benefits does not count as a "life change event". A legal separation or divorce would do the trick, but I'm not emotionally ready to start that process yet. I guess I have to keep paying for him.