Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

I would think the feathers would tickle her nose.

I can’t really say anything about current t since I caved and am seeing Info tomorrow.

"i am holding hope for you" - is that kinda like my t saying just before my break that she would "leave a candle in the window" for me? i sorta wish she'd never said that.

I think that’s a really sweet thing to say about a candle in the window. Though I might be interpreting it Catholicly.

If it at all helps, current T said it in the context of my potentially someday, one day being able to get past the crapola-ness related to my batshit-crazy family.

I hope you are able to get to a solid place of okay-ness with whatever you decide to do therapy-wise

Totally. I am learning to turn the tables so that they are all secretly wishing they were as free in themselves as I am (which I'm not...but that's the inside game I'm working).

Original Grain

check this out, watches made from reclaimed whiskey barrels

Thanks. I don't actually mean that I didn't think it was a sweet thing to say... it's just that it makes me feel guiltier that I'm thinking about maybe not going back...

Thank you! I think the scales are tipping towards going back for one maybe 2 wrap-up sessions... but we'll see. I'm trying my best now to stop rushing myself on this... that's why I haven't called her yet... thursday will be 4 weeks.

I have learned through repeated awkward uncomfortable R&D that the modern gender-conforming heterosexual woman is decidedly not bothered by such things. I'm not sure they even notice, really. Just compliment their sweaters or dresses or whatever and they love you forever.

Wise words.

Thank you much.

It’s always heartening to read dispatches from brave explorers who’ve sallied forth into the wild unknown and brought back glad tidings of a friendly people.

Just be sure you take pretty trinkets and geegaws to trade with them.

My cats are so funny. I tried to foil them with a new tree skirt this year (for under the christmas tree) it has velcro tabs to hold it closed around the tree. It took the three of them exactly a day and a half to figure out how to undo the velcro. When we come home after being gone all day, who knows where it's going to be in the house. I picture them running and leaping on it then riding it as it slides across the tile floor.... the other day it was almost in my bedroom (about 15 feet away from the tree) haha! i need to set up a nanny-cam or something.....

(I mention this now because Penny is currently standing on it looking like she's waiting for something to happen....)

Is there such a thing as excessive transference? Or pathological transference? That might be a barrier to understanding and therefore something that needs to be worked out.

(((ARTIE))) makes sense they would figure it out! I think velcro is modeled after kitty claws!

Past pain hurts in the present and clouds the future.

Not everyone expresses their gender non-conformance in the way they dress.

You mean obsession? I would think that can't be worked out with the object unless the therapist/object outright rejects the client and maybe that frees them from the spell. Even then, the subject might not be able to stop obsessing, or shift it to someone else or something else.

In either case, the issue is not about the object or therapist, but about how the person is viewing them. If a lens is distorted, it can be replaced without ever having any kind of resolution with all the objects it distorts. I'm just wondering if that can be worked out with a neutral party since it's more about whatever the person is seeing in the therapist/object than anything to do with them in reality.

Never mind. I'm sorry.

Id be more concerned about the performance capabilities of their hair

Btw, i saw that - "performing hair" - actually used in an article about men's appearance recently. Sorry, i should have sent it to you!

I agree. I was able to work out a lot of stuff with my current t when i realized i had a lot of the same feelings towards him that i did towards my previous t, and then also other previous t's, various things. Difference was 1. Where i was "at" (totally desperate, at the end of my rope) and 2. Who he was personally, i.e. the relationship. He made it safe for me.

Yes, open enrollment will start soon, but won't take effect until June. Haven't looked into car insurance yet. One thing at a time.

My performing hair sings.

Right now it’s doing a rendition of “I’m Gonna Wash That Therapist Right Outta My Hair.”

Hugs. That's awful that it's not considered a life change.

Yeah, as I'm awake with another wave of sadness right now, I'm wondering if I just need to walk away. Of course, he'd claim this was me trying to abandon him before he abandons me but whatever. Or I could think of it as no longer paying someone to hurt me...I do feel that I need to address with him how he's contributed to all of this, not that it will change anything and he'd probably deny it, but just to make me feel more empowered.

Of course I may feel totally differently in the morning.

I liked this point. I would I left R after our very first rupture, but didn't because of the advice I got here and I'm glad I stayed with him and for everyone here.

LT , you described the fantasy of his owning his part in things as 'delusional'. I think that if it is delusional to expect him to take responsibility for his actions then it's really unlikely you're going to get anywhere with him.
The main difference between my first and second therapist is that my current one says sorry. And reflects on his mistakes. There is no way I could ever have worked through my transference with my first T. And I didn't even have the added complication of it being marriage counselling. Actually, not seeing him every week was the first step on the road to healing.
I am uncomfortable with him encouraging you to stay. Who is he serving here? I would suggest it's himself. He says it's about rewriting your scripts but I would suggest disrespecting your autonomy by accusing you of 'abandoning him before he abandons you' would sound more like his own discomfort with somebody leaving without everything resolved. That's would be his stuff and his problem.
I know, and I've already said to you, that it's really difficult to walk away, but in terms of your marriage, the purpose of the counselling, you might as well be putting money down the waste disposal each week then sticking your little finger in for good measure. If you decide to go ahead with this then I really hope you get something out of It, but unless he puts his hands up to the whole thing I suspect you will still be frustrated and hurt.
I can't believe it hasn't occurred to him that the script you might need to rewrite is actually one where the other person treats you like an adult and owns their mistakes.