I love my patients at my internship because they are so uninhibited.

Some questions that I have been asked in the last two days by both male and female patients:

Do you think of me outside of here?
Can I be your boyfriend?
Do you have kids?
What are you going to school for?
Why doesn't it rain inside?
Will you love me?
Can I love you?
Can I have a hug?
Can I have a kiss?

I cannot even imagine what it would be like to just come right out and ask T whatever it is that is on my mind.

Also, the need for physical contact seemed to be huge this week with the patients. It is so weird to be on the other side of this-- just last Friday I was telling T, through tears, how much I wanted him to hold me.

Today I was sitting down at the hospital and I felt-- tap, tap, tap on my arm. I turnaround and there's one of my patients looking at me with the saddest eyes, asking for a hug. I couldn't give him one because this particularly person has exhibited sexual preoccupations with me-- I handled it with him appropriately, but it was hard not to give someone the hug that is so wanted and needed. I wondered if our Ts ever feel like they really, really want to hug us-- but just can't. I wonder if last Friday when I was crying and telling T about wanting him to hold me-- I wonder if there was evem one ounce of him that felt like he wanted give me what I wanted. Or maybe I am totally off base and I'm the only therapist out there who wants to hold her patients. Maybe T is thinking, "No way would I want to go near her."

I think my T may feel that way. My T is female and so am i but I don't think she feels comfortable hugging me. :-(. I know sometimes I look at her like.. rescue me from my pain plz. She did give me a stuffed animal. I think that is maybe what she wants me to hug. I just wonder if our Ts would hug other patients and not us. I do wish I could be uninhibited and ask her like your patients.

[smiley1984]

i'm sure you know disinhibition is a symptom of many pathologies. they probably wouldn't say things like that if their frontal lobe was functioning normally.
Maybe you should get some pathology making you disinhibited so you say stuff you usually wouldn't. Or maybe pretend so that it isn't your fault your saying that

[Mouse_]

Pink, I think theres some romantising going on there with your patients? I'm sure their life is hell and being able to ask these things of you isn't as easy as it seems??

No romanticizing here.... trust me, at times it just comes out like you wouldn't believe. With the individuals from this particular population it is part due to pathology, and part who they are. It is one of the things I appreciate so much in working with them.

This does not by any means represent all of the people I work with. Some people struggle just to tell me how they are feeling at the moment.

I just wonder what it would be like to have less of a filter in therapy. I believe I censor too much as it is.

[Perna]

Oh, wow, what neat insight you get from the other side! Great compassion builder for T's.

I worked in a residential home for autistic and developmentally disabled children once and remember one resident who was preoccuppied with whether people had pets, specifically dogs and what the pets names were, etc. Everyday when one came in, if he was on the stairs he'd be asking you about your pet :-)

[toffeellen]

What are you doing your internship in, just curious.

It would be so nice to be less inhibited in sessions. just always runs hte risk of feeling embarrassed for being needy i guess, or being rejected.