Thinking about T during holidays...

I miss my T during holidays. She has a loving family and lots of close and distant friends. Christmas is big for her.

I got to experience it with a former therapist and it was nice. Much smaller than I am used to, but I was not fraught with making mistakes from the time I walked in, then out the front door.

My standby therapist I did not think about.

Current T texted before Xmas, on Xmas and after Xmas and offered a session before Xmas (which I couldn't make) etc.

Honestly, I wish she'd care half as much about dates and days that actually matter to me -- somehow, in her noodle, Xmas has special meaning for everyone although I've repeatedly told her that I couldn't possibly care less about Xmas and Thanksgiving.

When I've actually needed her to give a damn and be extra careful and check in on me (E.g. when scheduled to deal with my family), she just hasn't been bothered to do so.

It's frickin' annoying.

I cant imagine my T contacting me of his own volition, just to check in or check on me. It would be so nice. I think it must be part of his "frame" that he never does that. It makes me feel like just his job, when normally I do feel like we are working together meaningfully , though in different capacities.

I hear you

Yes, I thought about my T. I wondered how Christmas was for her, particularly since she went through the death of a child last year. I was thinking it must be hard, celebrating without him. I'm not sure if she's married... she hasn't mentioned it.

So yes, I thought of her and hoped she was doing ok.

Apparently, in addition to thinking about them some, both my T and MC are very present in my subconscious right now, because I've had 2 dreams about each and 1 dream involving both of them in the past week...At least I see T today so can talk about that with him (though may not share all of the details...)

My T and I have outside contact, but I always initiate it. I'm not sure if it would feel okay to have her randomly check in because then I would want her to be able to accurately read my mind at all times as to whether I wanted her to make contact (or not). But I'm glad it works for other people.

Yes. She does not allow it.

Ohhh, your poor T. No doubt it was a very hard day for her.

I'm thinking about my T from time to time...
I can imagine that she has great holidays with her family, they are all happy, they're talking, laughing. Probably her daughter feels safe, heard and taken care of.
And then I'm sad that I didn't have Christmas like that :-/