[sinking]

Today's T session really disturbed me and i dont know how to deal with it, so i'd really need some help/opinions, PLEASE.

My T has been completely honest about what she thinks of me and i absolutely HATE it. her words really enraged me because i felt invalidated/misunderstood or "caught". she noticed it but kept going. here's my thinking:

1) why is what another person thinks of me so important to me? if i think she's wrong, why bother? she doesnt know "THE TRUTH"

2) but if it hurt/angered me so much, it must be because she hit a nerve. so there must be at least SOME truth in what she said....

i really REALLY dont like it, but i think i could maybe eventually accept it with time.... only that i dont know how to go on from here?

i feel like punishing her by not going to next appt, or going but not really talking or quitting therapy altogether. i see no point in continuing with her if what she sees doesnt match with what i see (or what i want for her to see).

she already knows this was my reaction to her words, so keeping talking about it next time seems useless to me.

any thoughts or advices? please?

[Fernwehxx]

So, you asked her what she thought? Have you replied to her answers and told her how they made you feel?

A while back, my T said sth that made me mad and helpless at the same time, and all I did was get stubborn and closed-off for the rest of the session. We didn't get anywhere.
I then explained to her (next session) why I was like that and how what she had said made me feel, and I think she got it.

It helped me a lot to tell her (I usually wouldn't tell and just harp on my own interpretation of what was said) and make myself understood.

If you'd like to work through emotions, this might be the time. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it feels to you at the moment. I surely don't know what was said, but my T once looked at me and said, you don't want to get better! And at first, I was mad, but then I really let her words sink and realized that was exactly what I had been signaling to her.

My relationship with my T is a good one, and no matter what she says, I now consider it. If it doesn't sit well, I discuss it with her, and it usually ends in a good way.

Maybe you can find a way to work through this. Do you think you can?

[AllHeart]

How does not going to your next appointment, or going and not talking punish your t? Seems like that would make things more stressful for you. If you can't talk about what's eating at you, your feelings are just going to continue stronger. Do what's going to be best for you. If you see no point in continuing with her, maybe it's time to cut your losses and quit. Maybe you can find someone else who better matches your needs and can be of better help to you.

[Travelinglady]

Sometimes the truth hurts, and, as you say, what she said might have some truth in it. Although it might be hard, I suggest you try to stay with her and see what happens. It might lead to a breakthrough. T's use their judgment to decide when to tell patients some truth, trying to do so when they think their patients can handle it, even risking their patients' anger sometimes. I honestly think you'd only be punishing yourself if you stop going.

I do suggest you tell her your view of the situation and she what she says.

[stopdog]

I would quit with that one unless I enjoyed the battles or could figure out another use for her.

[RubyRae]

There were many times my T told me things that I didn't like or want to hear.Once I got over my initial anger and resentment they were usually huge learning experiences for me and things that really helped me make progress.

[sinking]

Thanks everyone.

Yes, i have told my T how what she said made me feel but it wasnt helpful, actually it made me feel it would be useless to keep talking about it cause she has her own opinion and i have mine. i dont like what she thinks even though i must admit she might have some points. i dont want it to become a war. i dont think so....

I'll think more about it but i do feel a bit better for sharing it here and letting things out.
Thank you all

[Wonderfalls]

She also might use the time between sessions to think over your reactions and maybe change or modify her own feelings. After your taking the time to think about it more and her taking the time to think about it more, discussing it again at your next session you may come together better. Skipping the next session is not a very productive "punishment" for her and I wouldn't waste the session time--unless of course you're going to take stopdog's suggestion and drop her altogether. Which is entirely up to you.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by sinking

1) why is what another person thinks of me so important to me? if i think she's wrong, why bother? she doesnt know "THE TRUTH"

For me this was a central issue. We are conditioned to value the judgement of therapists above our own and that of everyone else, when it comes to life issues. But there is no basis for this. It's a sort of constructed reality, that puts therapists on a fake pedestal of omniscience. You CAN kick it out from under them. It's just a game. Once I stopped buying into the game, I was free. Free at last! Praise the lord!

[Fernwehxx]

For me, there are 2 reasons why I would care.
A I like the person and want her or him to think sth good about me
B what is being said about me triggers Sth in me

Otherwise, I would not care.

If its A, I'd sincerely think about what that person said and what about it is true (because truth is that usually there is at least some truth to it).

[sinking]

i think what she said triggered me.

from her words, what i got is that she now thinks im a faker.

she used my own words to get beyond what i meant and what i wanted to convey to her.... and i cant blame her. i just really hate this happened.

[nicoleflynn]

A good therapist gives you tools to make good decisions and acts as a "cheerleader"...I would find another therapist.

[sinking]

She has said stuff like "i dont trust your memories cause you've been telling yourself stories for so long"

And i never knew how to take it... is she invalidating me or seeing more than i do?

Anyway now i just feel im back to being alone before i could choose it.

[Miswimmy1]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Your therapist sounds like she has a lot of opinions and isn't presenting them in a way that is productive to therapy. For instance, in the post above, it could very well be possible that she is on to something when she thinks perhaps memories get a little bit distorted after time and a lot of self-talk. However, without giving you the chance to explain yourself or ask questions, it's really unprofessional, in my opinion, to give a blanket statement like, "I don't trust your memories". Also, in almost every single case I can think of, whether she trusts your memories or not is irrelevant. It's her job to help you work through whatever problems arise from those memories or surround those memories. Not judge you for them.

I think that it's normal to care about what the therapist thinks, even if you don't agree with it. For me personally, I care about what my therapist thinks and says about me because I've learned over the time that we've worked together that his observations usually reflect something that is worth discussing or working on in therapy. Whether I agree or not, it allows for the opportunity for conversation and usually an opportunity for self-improvement. I am in therapy to work on myself and his thoughts and observations act as jumping off points.

But it doesn't sound like your therapist is using her statements and opinions to start a dialogue with you. Invalidating you is not conducive to therapy.

[sinking]

Thank you Miswimmy1,
i've read and re-read your post many times. this is not the first time i feel my T is invalidating but its the first time it hurt and angered me.

I may have exaggerated some things and minimized or omitted others, but im NOT a FAKER!

anyway, now it feels like my T has completed the path and i have nothing more to say or tell her. i dont want to start a war with her.

i'll probably show up next time and will tell her im done and want to quit. and probably this way is even better for her.

[sinking]

I have T tomorrow...

Having her is like having a safety net that helps me going on. But after what happened last session, i feel we're done. i cant change what she thinks of me and i dont want to go on with someone who thinks that of me... or start a war with her.

and honestly, i also want to punish her and the only way i can, is by quitting. but im not sure im ready. im afraid that if i lose her i'll lose control and lose everything i've worked on for so long (the new job and chance of getting a place on my own) and i dont want that...

What would you do?