The Problem with Younger Therapists?

When my therapist, who had children older than mine, retired I purposely chose another therapist who had children .Her children, though, are younger. She doesn't act smug about it but she's sure she will have more control when they're older than I think one does.

I know this isn't a major thing but I can see it remaining an irritation. It's not a subject I can really avoid. Do other people find there are lots of things like this with younger (and less life-experienced) therapists? That they give you advice about things you don't think they can really know about? Is it me? Am I going to be too rigid?

This is only our second visit but I've been looking for a compatible therapist and I don't know how picky I'm allowed to be. Do people find it's hard to have a younger therapist who may discount your own experience? How much difference should there be between you and your therapist for things to work out? Or is this one of those beginning humps you get over? Can you expect them to learn from you? Am I being discounted or just conceited?

I would never be able to deal with one who was younger than I am.

I could see having problems with a younger therapist. Unfortunately, the older you get the more likely this is to happen.

On the one hand, they don't have nearly as much life experience as an older therapist. On the other they may know more about the current research and how best to help you. I guess I'm not a big believer in having to have someone treat me who has the exact same experiences that I have. If I have a dog phobia, I don't necessarily want someone who has a dog phobia too. I'd rather have someone who knows best how to treat a phobia.

But it sounds to me like you might be feeling talked down to, or like she doesn't really understand your issues before giving a bunch of advice. And that's a problem no matter how old your therapist is.

You can be as picky as you want to be when you choose a therapist. But you might find that talking to her directly about it could be helpful to you. "I feel like you don't really understand this problem." And the way she responds might help you decide if she is a good fit or not.

You're "allowed" to choose on whatever basis you prefer. My former T was older (I was in the age range of his kids) and it suited my need for a paternal figure, as well as for a T who was well-trained, well-credentialed, and with a solid reputation.

I'm in a different stage of my life now, and my concerns aren't mental illness, or even psychological, really. More philosophical issues of life stage, so I absolutely wanted an older T, and preferably a woman. While she has the training to spot anything that might relate to psychological processes, we don't work within a psych paradigm. So her age and life experience is crucially important. As well as her willingness to be open to learning about the experiences I bring to her.

For me, if I was seeking help with family issues, I would want a T who had been through whatever stage I was at with my kids. I find that people's attitude is just very different when they have gone through those parenting stages. I found that special ed teachers who had raised kids were much more effective for our son. I would find your T's assumption that she will be a better parent or have more control rather irritating. If she could keep that out of the therapy room, it might be ok.

I have never seen a T who is younger than me. But if they had experience with my diagnosis, I would give them a try.

My first thought was that I would never want a T that was younger than me and then I realized that my T is actually 5 years younger than me! I guess once you become middle aged it doesn't really matter if one or the other is a few years older or younger.

I am in the late middle ages and it completely matters to me that the therapist is older. . I found two who were in their late 60s -early 70s when I started with them. One is about to retire in a month and the other one is still working. I didn’t have any big mental illness or anything like that-I started for more garden-variety annoyance sort of stuff and ended with grief stuff.

In psychoanalysis I think the T will always seem older because of the transference.
I've worked with a T before this one - not psychoanalysis - who was my age, but because she hadn't worked on her own childhood, she's came across as a child to me.

I would never go to a T who's younger than me. PrevT was only 3 years older. I found that difficult, be she was a good T the first time I had therapy with her.
But older doesn't always mean more life experience. I know prevT has it good. The problems I have, she didn't had to deal with it. Current T is 13 years older. She told me things, so I know she hadn't always had it easy.
I see PrevT for closing sessions. When she comment on certain things, I do think things like ''what do you know'' or ''that's easy for you to say''.

As it was only your second visit, maybe it's worth to try a session with another T?

I personally wouldn't want a therapist younger than me.

You can be as picky as you want to be until you find someone you click with.

I am a young(ish) therapist and have worked with clients older than me without it being a big deal to them. I guess it depends on what is being brought to therapy and the needs of the client. I personally wouldn't choose a therapist less than 15-20 years older than me, but then that has felt right for me. It's up to the individual I think.
FWIW I have trained with therapists 20 years older than me who have less life experience than me in many ways. It's impossible to tell just from someone's age I think.

I'm 30 so a therapist younger than me would be a baby. Basically someone straight from college with no professional nor life experience. No thanks. No way. I'm not a guinea pig on which young therapists get to practice in order to gain more professional experience. Actually when I was still looking for therapists a little while ago (I'm no longer in therapy now), I called this therapist and asked her age which is a pretty basic question. She refused to tell me, claiming this was private information (wtf?) and that it had no relevance to therapy. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that this woman couldn't conceive why her age would be very important info for most clients. Suffice to say I crossed her off my list.

My therapist is "only" 7 years younger than I am, so not that serious, but when I first started seeing her I was sure she was much younger and that was a bit disconcerting

The older I get the closer to my own age the Ts become. The very first one that the ER recommended was maybe my father's age. After that they were all female and closer to my age. Both with and without kids. I tend to be drawn to those with alternative lifestyles. For me the big divide was that none of them ever truly experienced poverty or homelessness so sometimes their suggestions were unrealistic. One of my Ts was an American Indian raised on a reservation she more than any of them understood poverty and its effects.

I cant do it either, and I like them to be quite a bit older than me. I think age gives me some kind of security, I feel mire comfortable to show weakness to someone older. I bet young therapist don't have it too easy....

There are many factors for me on if someone would work or not work for me. Age does play into it, so does gender expression. I do not believe I would work well with very many that were much younger than I; but there's always those few that just seem to click.

I prefer older therapists even ones around my age. I had a young one here when i moved and I didn't find her helpful at all. She had no feedback. She didn't have the experience. I felt her empathy was fake. I couldn't work with her and am doing alright without therapy now so I don't see her anymore. She was nice enough. I felt like at least she could earn her money instead of sitting there like a lump. I can talk to my cat if I want someone to just sit there. At my age it is most likely that therapists will most likely be my age. I am in my middle 50s now. Many of the therapists I had over the years were older except this one and the who I had before I moved who was only two years younger than me. This last one was about 20 or 25 years younger than me.

I go with therapists over age 60 but would consider someone closer to my age (40 ish).

It might make a difference for people if inexperienced therapists (regardless of age) charged less. How can it be justified to pay a novice T $150 a session for on the job training? Odd that they demand the fees of someone with 10+ years' experience.

I've seen a therapist (twice) who was younger than I am. She was very sweet, but the situation didn't work out. I need to see someone older.

Right now, I need a therapist who is older than me.

I'm 26 now, so I guess it's not hard for me to find an older therapist, but I did work with two psychologists in training who were roughly my age when I was in university (I was 22 at the time and they were maybe 24-25). I didn't like it because they were both going through the same stage of life as me, so I felt they didn't have that extra "life experience" that I needed. So I need someone who's already gone through my stage of life who can look back on things and say, "yep, I was your age once and blah blah blah"

Maybe when I'm like 30 or 40, I wouldn't mind having a therapist who's my age. It's just that I'm at a stage in my life where I recently graduated from school and I'm trying to settle down. I don't really want to be speaking to someone my age who's trying to do the same thing. I need help working through this stage in my life.

The therapist I saw for two and a half years was young-ish, she was only five years older than me. In my situation I liked having someone close to my age, both with young kids, I felt she could relate to being in the thick of some of those challenges as I was

I prefer therapists who are older than me. I don't want my therapist to feel like a peer. Fortunately, at 28, I can indulge in this preference pretty easily. However, age isn't my only condition - I would not see a therapist who had been practicing for less than 10 years, I think, regardless of age. Experience in my particular issues is also definitely something I looked for when I was searching for my current T. I didn't want to be shocking or freakish to my T, and that seemed less likely if the T was a few decades older and had been practicing a long time. I think the minimum age difference I'd consider is 15 years.

I personally would never go with a therapist, lawyer, financial advisor, professional mentor etc that is younger than myself (soon to turn 44). Usually at least 10 years older. This does not apply to medical doctors, for example - in fact, for those I often prefer my age group or younger as they might be more into new technologies and advances. But not a professional whose role is to give me insight and counsel based on life experience, or even just sit there and listen to/talk with me about life experience

I think you’re onto something. There are a couple of things that I’ve learned about Ts in the past few years. I’ve spoken to my kids Ts briefly and I’ve heard they’ve commented on habits during sessions as well.

I also have experience with my T as well who is about 8 years younger than I am. I don’t expect Ts to be perfect but I think that when too young there is a lack of work experience. It’s not that Ts should go through our experience to understand but there has to be some experience to experience the “adult” life and being in tune and aware of possibilities and circumstances that can happen in ones life.

One of my kids had a very young T that graduated recently as a substitute and she’s was great for them because they could relate. She would’ve never been able to handle my case.

If I were you see where you are comfortable and if it doesn’t feel right then move on to the next. You’re not stuck to any therapist. Some people have had great experiences in this forum. So there is hope.

I’m picky now. If I were to have a T she would have to be down to earth and about my age with no Little children at home. She would have to be focused with a non perfect life. I need someone who could understand my case and be focused on our work. I would think someone well established that has not much drama in their life or is able to work well as a therapist with their drama in the background is a good fit. Sometimes that’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

I'm 20 so obviously there are no therapists younger than me, and I prefer a young therapist (in her 30s or so) just because it's easier for me to relate and vice versa. My therapist just turned 30, I think our age difference is perfect because she still remembers the pressures of university and can empathize with me, but she has a decent amount of experience, or at least enough for me.
In a similar vein I can understand why someone older than me would want an older therapist than themselves. It makes sense.