I cant live anymore :(

Sorry for posting about myself too much, Im simply in hell and cant get out.
My doc hurt me and now I have lost all my motivations, all my intereses, all my hopes to get over my depression.
I dont know what to do, I know it sounds crazy but his hugs and attension was the only things that helped me to do something.
Now I feel as sick as before hospital, my doc is away but I will see another, I hope so.
I feel so miserable so I started to take drugs to not be that miserable because all I do is lying in my bed, all my things are on the ground, I dont want anything, dont want to live, dont want to die, dont want to take drugs but I have no choice, dont want to go inpatient again but dont believe there is another way out. Im thinking about selfharm but not doing this yet because I dont want to. I dont want to drink but I do because pain is killing me.
I cant be happy for good things in my life, Im taking 7 meds but it seems it doesnt work.
My doc blocked my number, maybe he reads it. I cant even press myself to go to therapy, I feel destroyed.
I dont know how to get out of this alive. I know that taking meds with drugs can be dangerours but I feel dead also now, what can I lose.. I want to be normal person who is able to do something except crying and sleeping.
I hate myself for being like this but it seems that being inpatient again is the only choice to help myself.

Sorry you are struggling so much LS. It sounds like inpatient might be a good option for you right now to keep yourself safe. You've been on this forum a long time and have been through real struggles before. My feeling is that you can overcome this dark period too. Best wishes.

We don't want to lose you! Depression is its own black hole, and it might be best to be inpatient until a glimmer of light shines to you? I am sorry about your doc, and I hope your meds kick in and help very soon.

Sorry to hear you're not doing well.

I've seen people on this forum suggest to hold ice in your hand and squeeze it hard whenever you feel like self harming. The cold causes some pain, but doesn't leave permanent marks or anything. Could you try that? (Not that I want you in pain, but it's a way to combat/quell the urges.) Though if it's about the physical act of doing it and you can't resist, try getting a red marker and use that to make marks instead.

Hang in there! Go to inpatient if you need to. Your life and your wellness are more important than anything.

It sounds like you are going through emotional hell right now.
As awful as it is, this is only temporary. You will not feel like this forever. It sounds like you are right at the very, very worst right now. Hang in there. Do what you can to ride this out. Use whatever strategies you have that help. This isn't going to be your always.

So sorry. Let a bit of time pass, if you can. Go into hospital, if that feels right. It will get better! Thinking of you

I hope you're doing OK--go inpatient if that feels like your only option. Please stay safe...

I didnt wait you will be so nice, warm and kind. Thanks.
Im trying to get better with my meds and drugs in low dosage because meds dont help me and I want to feel okay and stop feeling so broken.
I know I run away from reality and I know that much of you have felt the same about attachment so you may understand. Im gonna see another doc and talk about my depression, meds and how to help myself.
Im borderline, its hard to control myself at moments like this.

That sounds positive!

Please remember that, no matter how complicated life gets, we can always pause and start again.

It seems like that's what you're trying to do, so no wonder it's unsettling.

A fresh start. It's one of the best things about being human.