Couch 161: The Hexagonal Pyramidal Couch

Thanks! Someone is bound to be out there for me. V I've seen for about 3 months or so. Long enough to know it's not going to work. I'm not upset by it at all.

Hi couch
Art, I’m sure your husband will be okay but the doctors are not able to tell you that your H will be okay because not only can they not predict it, but it’s also a liability. Went through the same thing with my dad and he spent nearly the entire month of October in the hospital. 12 of those days were in the ICU where he was on a intubator. Once he came off the intubator it was still another 3 or more days before he would recognize us. When he was finally Out of the ICU and on a regular floor- I turned to the doctor and said “ So it looks like he will make it out of here after all” to which the doc replied “ I am unable to tell you that”
Granted, my father has end stage liver disease so unless he gets a transplant, this disease will in fact take his life. My father came home from the hospital and was back in the week of Thanksgiving for a infection to which he was also quarantined and when I was there, I also had to wear gloves and a gown as well as anyone else who entered the room. Did they tell you to give your home a very deep, disinfected cleaning? That’s what they suggested to my mother and she pretty much doused her kitchen and bathrooms in bleach. Also, here is tip: When this is all said and done-let the hospital administration know if there is any part of you that feels your husband didn’t receive top notch care and the doctors didn’t take enough time to answer all your questions and listen to your concerns.

Hi couch peeps-long time no see. I started lurking a couple days ago and wanted to jump in. I’ve been wanting to come hang here more often, but we all know life gets in the way of plans. It’s been really rough, and this past week really peaked and tested my patience in several different aspects of my life.

Sorry to hear things have been difficult, Jersey. Anything you want to talk about?

((Jersey)) good to see you!

Thank you. I wil go into more detail but have to get some stuff done today and run some errands first. Glad too see you all.

Hey Luco, good to see you too.

Hi jersey! And thanks. Yeah, they did about the cleaning and I was up til midnight last night doing that. H will think I brought him to the wrong house now haha.

I'm on my way over there now to see what the infectious disease guy says as he didn't make it yesterday. I guess that should make me feel better that he wasn't the guys top priority huh.

But I get what you're saying that it's a liability the saying he'll be ok. Thanks for that.

I get introverted when ‘depressed’. I write it like that because I am like a bipolar but not with a normal depression. When I am low on energy, I just get really introverted. I hide until I am feeling better, I never share feeling low with real people. My T used to find it a bit strange, my lack of feelings. (I quit when it got interesting, according to him. I quit because I believed I was done. I was not, I was only really hypomanic, ended in full blown mania a couple months later. Now I miss him)

Anyway. I am able to not add the filter of feelings to the down periods. I do sometimes need a sick-leave, because I can’t interact with people when it’s really bad. I feel like the world is surrealistic and it’s hard acting like people are supposed to when I am like that. So, I get as introverted as I can. Use all my energy doing things I have to, like take care of the kids and stuff. And then I spend time reading online, forums or articles or whatever. Until it passes.
I don’t get sad when alone, I feel whole and balanced. But, I do feel broken when I have to interact with others. Have no energy to do that, I am spending it on waiting for my brain to work again.
I get sad when interacting with others, or when I need a sick-leave. Because then I feel broken and get sad that I can’t even cry or anything. I don’t cry, because it doesn’t help me. Instead I do all sort of things to try to fix me up.

I’ve been able to control this on my own for several years. Something has changed the last years. It’s stronger. Both ways, the highs and the lows. Happened after T helped me find ‘my inner voice’. I was searching for it for a couple years. My intellect stronger than my emotions, found some emotions in there. And also more of my intellect. Got me stronger, but also enhanced my weaknesses. I am perfectly fine when not triggered. My problem- I get triggered by boring stuff. My brain either goes all manic, trying to find a fun challenge in every day life, or it shuts down, leaving me with no energy.

A couple weeks ago I went to my GP, told him: fine, I am ready, you can examine me at the district psychiatric, maybe even diagnose me. I don’t want medication, but I do need help. (That might change)
He was happy about that. I feel they have wanted that ever since I was hospitalized by force. Almost two years ago.

Well, we’ll see. How everything turns out. I do have lots of coping mechanisms going on, and I am resilient. (As long as I don’t drink, that is a game of ‘anything could happen’)

Lol, so I guess I am on the couch, reading your messages, and writing. It helps time pass, and it helps my brain balance.

Sorry for the husband in hospital,l and all the negative things you people have experienced, and happy for those making progress. It will take me some time remembering the nick-names correctly to the stories. (I remember everything I read, but can’t put it in the right person yet)

Oh, crap. That was longer than it looked on my phone…

Lol, I only see a few lines at a time. Sorry

I know... I'm often surprised to see how long posts get when I'm on my phone....

Welcome to the couch, Cornucopia!

A cushion for you:

If you think this is long, check out some of my In Session Today posts...and welcome to the couch!

Gosh, it will be good to see t on Wednesday....

I have been reading most of them, not sure if I am updated today. Your story makes me really miss my T, so much that I have considered contacting him.
He is expensive, private and I am waiting for getting one for free in march. But I liked him. He has integrity, and he doesn’t let feelings interact. He keeps his distance. I need that. I know some need the opposite.
We had fun, though.

Seems like you have had your struggles with MC, hope this new T helps with that. I enjoy reading your posts, I have been reading almost every day this week. On a sick-leave, my energy decided to hit the lowest level- and it just cost me so much energy trying to put my mask on. And this whole thing about letting them diagnose me on top, I just decided to let it go. The flow of low, for once not containing it inside. (Or maybe I can’t control it anymore, maybe my illness is getting stronger)

Sigh, and those are questions I would have talked with my old T about. I hope I get a nice one, one that see all the complexity and nuances.

Oh, I am chatty as well. During my therapy for two years, I wrote more than seven hundred pages of thoughts and analyzes… Yeah…

Going to the cinema with my youngest- see you on the couch later

Yours?? what about mine I think we could have a word count battle there.

Hugs, if wanted. Sorry you're struggling right now. Any chance you could get a T before March? Or is that just what the waiting list is like? And that's an impressive amount of analysis pages! Though if I compiled all my posts about therapy on here, plus e-mails to ex-T, MC, and current T...I'm afraid to think of how long all of that would be! I'm guessing you're like me, where writing helps you process things.

Good to know that you like reading my posts. And thanks for the wishes. New T seems to be helping so far, much more than ex-T did (and I saw her for 6 years--though she did help me a lot in the beginning).

Jersey - sorry to hear about your dad.

Art - during the 4 years my person was sick she spent 9 weeks in the hospital at one point and then things would go up and down- it was suggested a few times that I could take leave - but for me, work was a place I could focus on something else and working was useful to me. I do have an extremely flexible job, so there is that.

Yeah, I think you might win in that battle

Thank you. Yeah, I decided work would be good for me, too so will go back Monday and start an intermittent FMLA claim so I can be out as needed.

H's Dr just popped in. We didn't expect him on a Saturday. He was checking to see if the infectious disease Dr had been here yet, but we're still waiting for that one. H's doc was a little annoyed...

H looks and is acting like his old self today, it doesn't compute that he has such a nasty bug inside him. The new antibiotic must be a doozy. It's called maripenem or something like that. The first two were Zosyn and Flagyl, I never heard what the 3rd one was. He's sitting up doing a Sudoku puzzle right now.

I've been encouraged by some (cough) that I should search for a new therapist. I've emailed three in the last 24 hours and have already heard back from 2 of them. We'll see how this goes.

Good luck with the search, Daisy.

Thanks! It's not that I don't want to do the work, but I don't have free time when these pesky therapists are willing to work. It's discouraging to continue to hear no.

Good luck with the search! I'd pick one of the two you heard back from quickly (maybe try out both?). Current T got back to me almost immediately--like he was just sitting at his computer all, "Hm, perhaps a potential new client will contact me through Psychology Today. Ah, there she is, writing back now." And then we talked briefly that night and scheduled an appointment. He's consistently been good about getting back to me when I've contacted him and has a fairly open schedule (getting me in for extra sessions a few times). I think responding quickly like that is a positive sign. (Of course, a T not responding quickly could just be they were on vacation or something...)