Transitioning from Session to Real Life

Hi all. I’m a long time lurker, but this is my first post.

What do you do at the end of your session, either with your T or after leaving their office, to transition back to Real Life?

I’ve been doing some hard stuff in therapy and I’m having trouble “resetting” at the end, if that makes sense. It doesn’t help, I think, that my 1.30 appointment is the last of her day but I have to go back to work for an hour or so afterwards.

I’m feeling pretty raw, vulnerable and completely overwhelmed by all the feelings. I spoke to T on the phone last night and said it’s like I haven’t been able to pack everything up and put it away again since our last session. She was concerned that doing that would impede my long term progress. I guess she doesn’t want me stuffing away the feelings and ignoring them? That’s a pretty terrifying concept, to feel like this all the time. I already struggle with severe depression and suicidal thoughts just from coping with what “leaks out”

My T says she will try to give more time at the end of session to the transition but wants me to think about what would help. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know what the options are. I’m just completely lost. Help?

For me, I try to journal afterward. It helps me process what was said and helps me release some of the feelings that have come up. I HATE that overwhelming, post therapy, vulnerability. T is pretty good about helping me pack everything back in but sometimes things do leak out and, like I said, journaling usually helps.... at least for me.

This is hard! I also like journaling. I keep a journal app on my phone, right after my session I sit in my car and jot down as much as I can remember from the session—what I said, what my therapist said, questions for next week, etc. This “brain dump” not only helps me remember what we talked about from week to week (I always like Yalmon’s theory about therapy being one ongoing conversation), but also helps me get it all down and transition back to real life. My therapy appointments are in the evenings after work, and when I get home my young son wants my attention, dinner needs to go on the table, etc. My drive home from therapy is also one of the few times in my life when I don’t mind traffic—the music on the way home usually gets pretty loud.

Definitely journaling helps when stuff feels all opened up and I need to just get it out of my head. Sometimes taking a brisk walk or drive, if I have the time. A nap helps, although it's rare that I can swing that. It also helps to know that a therapy hangover is normal and okay. Usually it passes on its own by the time I wake up the next morning, which is one benefit of afternoon appointments.

Sometimes visualizing me leaving my issue or problem is my T's office helps too. I imagine that I unpacked whatever it is and then I just left it on her desk when I walked out. One time I wrote down some stuff on a piece of paper and then realized at the end of my appointment that I didn't really want to take it with me, so I asked my T to hold onto it until later when/if I wanted to get back into it. As far as I know, it's still in her files or drawers somewhere. It sounds odd, but I feel less burdened by that thing when I remember that she's holding onto it for me, so I don't have to carry the weight of it all by myself.

I used have a better routine about it that worked really well for me. My appointments were 4-5pm. I would go to a break room afterwards (this is when she was at the clinic and I had access to a break room because I was also employed at the same institution) and eat my dinner. I had a few things I would use in the break room for support and containment. I can use space and inanimate objects for grounding. Once I left there, I would take a long walk (1+ hour walk). Early in the walk I would go down 6 flights of stairs in one of the parking garages as part of my path. I would try to go down them as fast as I could because the faster I went the more concentration I needed. It was a good gauge as to where I was in my head and in the physical world. I would then finish the walk. I also journal shortly after.

So far there's been little I can do to leave it at T's door. Mostly for me, it's about finding a way to release. With the new location, I have not found a good solution and often end up at home still in a daze.

I struggle with this too, as I absolutely must compartmentalize to do my job, and I sometimes feel devastated and almost in shock after dealing with harrowing material from the past. It feels like the good cheer and productivity of every day life clashes so profoundly with that stuff that whiplash happens in the transition between the two worlds. All I can do is relate to what your saying, because I haven't found a solution yet except that the role expected by everyday life kicks in, and I first act normal before feeling more normal. When I get home then, I am sometimes really sad again. Therapy is the most difficult thing I've ever tackled.

I've found nothing to make this easier. Except time. As I grew Stronger inside, I was able to carry on outside and feel the pain.

I used to have this issue. That therapist was okay with hugs, and her hugging me at the end, kind of helped symbolically close off the session. However, some days were particularly intense. On those days, she'd ask me what I needed. Usually, I would request a little "small talk" and we'd talk about weekend plans, etc. and this seemed to help.

I hope you can find something that works for you!