Help me choose between two T's?

Two T's:

Me: PTSD, attachment difficulties, "highly" reactive, anxiety, self sabotager (in their words)

T1: Been working with for about a year, we have a great personal relationship, I like her, get along with her, and she knows how to calm me down. I have a very strong parental attachment to her.

She doesn't push me very hard though, or move me forward much. It's solid talk therapy. It's been a great help for dragging out some past trauma and helping me feel loved. Still working on that last part, but it would happen with time and her patience.

T2: Newbie in my life. I've called her just about every bad name I can think of. I kind of hate her tone, her approach, and the way she asks questions. I think she cares, but she is blunt and honest. She is more CBT oriented, maybe DBT, I'm not sure. She wants to move me forward and in a couple of sessions she's pointed out so many things T1 never did (things which I see clearly, and I think T1 must have saw, but it's not her style to point those things out I guess?). I go back and forth between wanting to hit her and thinking "Wow that's right, that's exactly what I've done my whole life, I just never noticed."

I can't have them both. Which would you choose?

To add:

T1 = calm, love, compassion, care, safety, consistency

T2 = anxiety, hard work, mood swings, possible progress

What are your goals?

Be a productive member of society? Generally speaking anyway. I am up and down with my career due to "reactivity" and family relations. I'd like to be in a romantic relationship eventually, but it's hard when I push people away constantly.

I personally don't see the appeal in t2 at all. How will your career / romantic relationships be more stable and consistent without stable and consistent therapy?

Why not use both of them?

Good point. The issue I have with T1 is in a year I don't see any changes. I've talked extensively about my past and what's going on day to day, but what next? What are we working towards?

She said our relationship was enough for now and we bunkered about it for a while then offered to let me try someone else in the clinic who might be a good fit. T1 hand picked T2. I can't tell if I dislike T2 because her style isn't for me or if I dislike her because it's like a betrayal to T1

$ I'm paying out of pocket for T2. In order for insurance to cover her T1 has to transfer care to T2

If you stayed with t1, could you push yourself more instead of having her push you more? Move yourself forward more instead of having her move you?

My t is more like t1. Cautious, stable, nonconfrontational. When I first started, I wondered if something was wrong because it seemed like nothing was happening. We talked and things stayed the same. So I had to make the changes on my own, outside the therapy room.

Hmm...that's a really interesting question. I might be inclined to pick therapist 2...especially if you aren't especially fragile right now. Sometimes a challenge and a different point of view is good. I am guessing that at a later date you could go back to therapist 1 if you get to the point where you need supportive relationship therapy again. Some of my biggest progress happened when I was pissed as hell at my therapist.

I would choose T2 because I am of the philosophy that I do not want to be in therapy forever and I want to get better as quickly as possible. Just my opinion but if you've seen progress and insight from the new therapist already and you've been working with the old therapist for over a year I just would think how much progress can I make if I continue with T2. If it were me I would try T2 for a while you can always go back if it doesn't work out.

Have you tried telling T1 that you want more of a push? Maybe she could adapt her style to push you more. Or could you try finding another T entirely? If you don't feel safe with the second T, then I'm not sure how much progress can be made.

I would stick with T1 mainly because I wouldn't be able to open up to someone who I was angry with on a regular basis. I can understand the desire to be pushed though. My understanding of trauma work, especially relational trauma is that it can go incredibly slow. So T1 might be trying to avoid retraumatizing you.

Have you talked with T1 specifically about your concerns? Would you be able to do everything other week switch? Or would insurance still not like that?

Could you talk to T1 about pushing you more?? Or how about taking a little bit of a break from t one to see T2. Maybe you could make progress with T2 them go back to T1.

Have you checked with your insurance to make sure they will not cover 2 Ts?? Originally when I mentioned to T about seeing EMDR T she said we could take a break while I saw the other T. I called my insurance company and they said they would pay for me to see 2 T's as long as they were on different days.

Tough decision. I would talk to #1 and ask what she thinks about, Idk, moving faster, harder. I would ask myself who would I want to go to in a crisis? Who would I trust to make a decision for my welfare if I could not? Sorry you have to make a choice.

Duplicate post

I’d pick number two if it were me

I would probably still try to figure out how to use both of them if #2 was useful in some way. Perhaps one every other week or something, but if not, I would stick with number one or I would seek out others. I would not deal with number two as the only one.

I would probably think about it in these ways (not in any particular order) --

1. What's the likelihood I'll stick around with 2 if she were the only choice I had (especially given her style of working)? Right now, 2 seems appealing because 1 is all I know and well, familiarity breeds contempt (and children but nevermind, that).

2. Why the need for either 1 or 2 or anyone at all to "push" for changes rather than having it be self-driven? I'd find that in and of itself worth exploring in therapy.

3. Related to the point above, is there something about having someone be "nice" that particularly feels weak / boring / disempowering / ineffective / artificial or unreal (or something along those lines) versus someone who isn't nice seeming coming across as being the opposite of all of the above (effective / powerful / empowering / real etc)? If yes, where's that particular story line coming from?

It could be that one or either of them is the better fit for you or neither of them are but it would help perhaps to know why that seems to be the case.

Thanks for the input everyone! I've talked to both of them about it, particularly with asking T1 to push harder but I think she always falls back into her "style" because that's who she is (and that's cool, because her style has some uses!).

I think I'll stick with T2 for a while and see how it goes. I don't have the knowledge of discipline to push myself, I need a cheerleader or someone to challenge me.