[nottrustin]

For those with childhood trauma history, are you over protective of your children?? Do your T's think you are? I really struggle when my kids are away. I have really struggled so T has helped me A Lot so that my kids have been able to go on overnight field trips etc. My two oldest go to college out of state. I still worry way to much about them. My 19 yo went to the March for Life in D.C. this week and It is killing me. Normally I have them take pictures and send them to me but this kid is horrible about pictures. T says I am not over protective I am just protective because I know the evil in this world...my kids think I always over protective and glad T was there help me through things otherwise they would have had no social life.

I have high anxiety about my children. Basically every aspect of their lives. In my effort not to pass it on to them it can eat me up internally. School trips, days out with friends anything involving travelling particularly makes me so anxious and I can't settle till everyone is back under my roof. I used to talk to T a lot about this. I imagine I will still worry a lot even when they're grown.

Yes yes yes when they were younger it was sleep over now rhey are older its music concerts. When they are t their dads they dont tell me when they are going out except if something goes wrong like the tide came in and flooded their camp and the friends car.. I took get them to sometimes take pics but usually i get them to text. We have a local hil that is popular to walk up but on the road you share it with cars as people live there and there is a look out on top the road has several hairpin bends which makes walkers hard to see. I seriously freak out when they do that and i will make every excuse not to take them.
My eldest is going to uni in 2 weeks time to our nations capital about 2000 km away. I am freaking about that too. I dont find talking to my T about my children and parenting skills helpful as it always feels i am being judged so i just suffer alone.

[nottrustin]

Last summer this same child went overseas for 10 days for World Youth day. He was unable to call home with his phone. We did limited Skype because the internet was so spotty.... it is so hard to allow them to explore and live.

He goes to college about 4 hours away. He is very good about frequently calling home.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Yes yes yes when they were younger it was sleep over now rhey are older its music concerts. When they are t their dads they dont tell me when they are going out except if something goes wrong like the tide came in and flooded their camp and the friends car.. I took get them to sometimes take pics but usually i get them to text. We have a local hil that is popular to walk up but on the road you share it with cars as people live there and there is a look out on top the road has several hairpin bends which makes walkers hard to see. I seriously freak out when they do that and i will make every excuse not to take them.
My eldest is going to uni in 2 weeks time to our nations capital about 2000 km away. I am freaking about that too. I dont find talking to my T about my children and parenting skills helpful as it always feels i am being judged so i just suffer alone.

I would really struggle with not being able to talk to T about it. This has been a major issue for me. I think it helps that her son wanted to go to a college prep/boarding high school. Then went to college out of state and never moved home. I think to some degree she gets it.

EMDR T has a toddler. When I mention my anxieties about this she doesn't seem to get it.I

[toomanycats]

My anxiety is through the roof about my daughter. She's only 20 months old, so I've got lots of coping ahead of me.

[SummerTime12]

I don’t have kids yet so I can’t imagine and this doesn’t even compare, but I’ve been nannying for the same family for over 3 years and the kids are now 13 and 10. I have childhood trauma so I worry like CRAZY for them, especially the oldest when she is allowed to sleep over at friend’s houses that the parents hardly even know. I’m not judging the parents because we just come from different worlds, but it sucks being so invested and then having to worry knowing I can’t be there for them all the time because I’m only the Monday-Friday nanny. I’ve never talked in depth with my T about this, but I bet when I have my own kids I will a lot more.

[MrsDuckL]

I can relate! I was verbally and physically abused as a child. I’m 34 and I have a 4 year old son, I started therapy less than a year ago to try to make sense of my past. Prior to this point, my way of dealing with the past was just to shut down and never talk about it. Because of never addressing my past, when I became a parent I never consciously set out to parent differently, but I definitely do things differently than how I was raised. I don’t have issues with anxiety, so I can’t say it made me especially overprotective. However, I think choosing gentle parenting was an unconscious directive from my past. I refuse to raise my voice and while I am so not a perfect parent, I try to always take a gentle and positive parenting approach.

My T has a 3 year old son, which was a delightful considence when we met. He points out many times how I’m breaking the cycle with my son, how I’m giving him the opportunity to have supportive parents.

[LonesomeTonight]

I can definitely relate. I have a 6-year-old daughter, who is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. I pushed hard when she was younger to get a diagnosis. I knew something wasn't quite right in her development. H said things like "You want something to be wrong with her." Which was incredibly hurtful. Because, no, of course that wasn't the case. But when I was a little kid? I had OCD. I had rituals I had to do. I worried about food safety and germs. My parents didn't understand, and in one case punished me for that (questioning whether orange juice was OK because it tasted funny--they took away a toy). And then when I developed anxiety in adolescence, it upset them, to the point that

Possible trigger:

they literally held me down and tried to force medication down my throat, even though one of my biggest fears was that I'd have an allergic reaction to medication and die

.

And then in high school, when I struggled with depression, I asked my mom to see a therapist, and she said, "What do you have to be depressed about?"

So...yeah, I wanted to make sure my daughter didn't have to go through what I did. I want to make sure she gets whatever supports and understanding she needs. And I'm trying to find any ways to help her that I can (seeing different doctors, including an integrative psychiatrist).

Marriage counselor has said I'm overcompensating with D, as he did with his kids, because he had an emotionally absent father. But I'm just trying to be there for her as much as I can. I feel guilty for the times I yell at her (like when she hit me out of frustration the other day)--MC will say that's OK and normal, but I still beat myself up over it.

I think of how stuff my parents said/did when I was a little kid affected me...and I don't want to do the same to my daughter. I try to validate her and be there for her emotionally...but I fail sometimes...And I feel bad for her if H yells at her, too. Which sets up an awkward dynamic between me and H...

[Sarmas]

Ive educated my children about the “evils of the world”. My youngest i won’t let go to a public bathroom without his older brother. My T thought I was bit overprotective. I don’t see it that way. I prefer to be “overprotective” and prevent him from going through a horrible experience that will haunt him the rest of his life. Usually the people that have never been through that type of child trauma and/or people that don’t have kids are the ones to criticize say that the act is a bit much.

My kids were, twins aged 10 and son aged 15 when I entered therapy. They're 24 and 29 now.
I had fears around thrm too. Being in therapy helped me raise them I feel. I still have struggles. But I do tend to be aware of it and keep it from them. Sometimes my anxiety leaks out and the kids say "oh mum, you're so dramatic" lol.
I'm glad they see it like that. Means they don't share my anxietys haven't had my awful experiences. . I must have managed to contain it, because T also contained it for me.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Mouse_62

My kids were, twins aged 10 and son aged 15 when I entered therapy. They're 24 and 29 now.
I had fears around thrm too. Being in therapy helped me raise them I feel. I still have struggles. But I do tend to be aware of it and keep it from them. Sometimes my anxiety leaks out and the kids say "oh mum, you're so dramatic" lol.
I'm glad they see it like that. Means they don't share my anxietys haven't had my awful experiences. . I must have managed to contain it, because T also contained it for me.

My kids are use to it now. They kind of laugh but deal with it.
I tell T she helped me raise my kids to be who they are. I started t when they were 11, 9 and 6. Ok was so over protective. Without t helping me work through my fears there was no way they could have gone to out of state with the high school band, religious youth group. Etc for overnights.