[treloarbabe]

Hi,

Just to give you a bit of background info, I'm in an electric wheelchair user and I have 24 hour care. I am from UK.

Thank you for your kind comments to my concern the other day. I had a good session with T today.

T practises from a log cabin in her garden and I use a wheelchair ramp to get in there.

Today my carer came to pick me up from T. As we were leaving, my carer noticed that my T had a pug dog looking through the kitchen window at us. My carer proceeded to ask my T all sorts of questions about the dog, like what it's name was and how cute it was etc.

I would never ask my T such personal questions, or make remarks like that, even though I am a dog lover myself.

I was desperate to leave as my session was finished and I was worrying about burdening my T.

I really worry about burdening other people including T, so I wanted to get and leave straight away.

However, my carer was still making a fuss of the dog through the window, so much so that T actually came down to let the dog out so my carer could make a fuss of it. She also lifted the dog up to my level, so I could see it and pet it!

This was all very lovely, but I'm worried my T will now refuse to see me because of my carer's behaviour regarding T's dog today. I feel bad and as if it's my fault about how my carer was asking so many questions about the dog and how my carer was wanting to interact with the dog, when I was mindful of my T, I didn't want to burden her and I just wanted to leave prompto.

Does this make sense? I am really worried! I feel enough of a pain and a burden to the world as it is!!!!!!!

[maybeblue]

I can understand worrying. I worry all the time about stuff, but I think that even if your therapist was annoyed by your carer's attention to the dog, she wouldn't blame you for it. Probably she wasn't even annoyed by it. After all she does therapy at her house and she has a really cute dog, she has to expect that people will want to pet him. And she could have just ignored your carer talking to the dog through the window.

I really would try not to worry about your therapist's feelings in this. She should be able to handle them herself and set boundaries if she feels she needs to. And you aren't responsible for your carer's actions. Any reasonable therapist wouldn't think you were.

[ElectricManatee]

I agree with maybeblue. I also think you should bring this up with your T and talk about what happened and what you felt. I bet it's tough to feel like you're a burden to the world, and those feelings seem like prime material to work through in therapy.

And as the owner of an adorable dog myself, I can tell you that I never, ever get tired of people making a fuss over him, regardless of the situation or context.

[ruh roh]

If your therapist was bothered by this, she should be able to tell the difference between what your caregiver was asking and what you were (not) asking. Aside from that, it sounds like she was happy to share her dog, so I would be heartened by that if I were you. It would be good to talk about your fears, though, because it seems to be something you carry with you wherever you go--the feeling of being a burden. I hope you'll be able to shed that some day and go around feeling like a benefit, not a burden, to others.

[JaneTennison1]

I get it, and think it is worth discussing with T but as an aside I don't think she would have let it out if she was bothered

[mcl6136]

I'm going to be presumptuous and speak for the looney dog lovers of the world (which your T may or may not be) and say, Showing off Your Dog is one of the Great Pleasures of Life.

I would put some serious money on the fact that your T felt it was a wonderful break in the day and enjoyed the fuss made of her Best Friend.

Don't worry!!!

I agree with what many others have said. Your therapist is not putting the responsibility of that interaction on you. Your caregiver works for you and you can let the caregiver know that you want to leave the grounds as soon as you exit the door and you do not need to explain. I can understand your uncomfortableness. That would be like my parent waiting for me as an adult shooting he breeze with my teacher.

[Nammu]

I too don't believe you need to worry about your T refusing to see you because of this, but yes do discuss the feelings it bought up with your therapist. It sounds as if the feelings of being a burden are so strong they stop you from enjoying life.

[Wonderfalls]

It is a useful lesson that you absolutely cannot overpraise people's babies or their pets, no matter how much over the top you think you may have gone.

Your carer's behaviour is not your responsibility and your therapist will have absolute clarity about that. If your therapist was uncomfortable about the interaction, it was her responsibility to manage it, not yours. After all, your carer is not in a therapeutic relationship with your therapist so their interactions are not boundaried in the same way. As others have said, it seems like your therapist was comfortable with it all, but it's definitely an opportunity to talk through the dynamics and associated emotional responsibilities.

I think your T knows how to maintain her boundarys,

I remember leaving T once. As stepped out her front door she's noticed something in her garden and stepped out to pick it up. At that moment a neighbour walked pasted. Begun to chat rapidly. It all felt a bit out of synch because of all the intense emotions I was feeling from just leaving session and actually didn't want to see T engage in an intense chat Either. But T I noticed, smiled at the neighbour, and simply responded "yes" therefore acknowledging the neighbour without breaking that feeling a session leaves one with. Then calmly walked in.

[Anne2.0]

I don't think you are being stupid and I believe that clients are not responsible for what therapists choose to do. Everyone's behavior and choices are their own to make or not. Nobody forced her to interact with your person. I presume that people do what they do because they want to. I don't believe that people "make" other people do something.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

And as the owner of an adorable dog myself, I can tell you that I never, ever get tired of people making a fuss over him, regardless of the situation or context.

Agree! I don't think you should worry. Dogs build awesome bridges without even trying. She wouldn't have let the dog out if she didn't want to, and I bet the pug enjoyed the attention, and all will be well.