[sinking]

I get it. i'll be dead in a few months, so why should she care?

but i hoped... i thought... well....., not even a paid relationship makes people care....

last session, i went in and she said "im not feeling well, is it ok if we finish earlier, just this once?" i thought it was because she wasnt feeling well, so i was glad to be able to do something for her... finishing earlier? i even asked her if she wanted to end it after 30 mins... then i got out of her office and saw another man coming in..... emotionally, it didnt hurt me, but intellectually... there it was: the proof that there was someone more important than me. someone so important that my session had to end earlier for him.

then today.... 50 mins before session she texts me saying she cant be there. reschedule? sure... she can do whatever she wants. im not important, i dont matter, i'll be dead in a few months, why should she care? of course there are people more important than me. of course....

im done. im really done. had enough. its time to end it. do you agree?

[toomanycats]

End the therapy relationship? Maybe.
End your life? Absolutely not.

I would definitely encourage you to talk about this with her and express your anger and your feeling unimportant before terminating with her if that's the course you choose to take.

[malika138]

I'm sorry this is happening. It is definitely unprofessional behaviour on her part.

You are important. Your voice is heard here on PC.

[precaryous]

I’m sorry, this sounds very difficult. I’m sorry she hurt you.

No and no.

Is it possible she was ill and shortened *everyone’s* session that day so she could go home early?

She might have canceled the last few people so she could go home.

I feel you should talk to her about it.
You can quit at any time but make an informed decision.

[1stepatatime]

I’ve learned that it’s better to let the therapist know how you are feeling, don’t keep those feelings in. That is exactly why you are there.. to be able to express what it is that you feel. She needs to hear how her actions upset you. She may have a valid reason, I don’t know but by discussing it you will hopefully get some clarity on why she did that. Best wishes! : )

[AllHeart]

Depends on what you know with 100% certainty -- Was the man a client going in for an actual session? Or was the man a family member or friend there to pick her up to drive her home because she wasn't feeling well? And, did she tell you why she had to cancel today?

My mind automatically jumps to your t being sick. I know this flu thing going around is wicked so maybe that person was there to pick her up last session. I don't see it as her not caring about you.

If your t is on the up and up: I think where your t could have done better is to have explained to you that she wasn't feeling well and that her man friend was coming to pick her up at X:XXpm, she had to see another client quickly also, or whatever. She also should have told you why she needed to reschedule today (assuming she didn't). She shouldn't have put you in the position to let your mind run wild with worry and confusion.

If your t is not on the up and up: That would be a pretty bold lie to tell a client they need to cut the session short because they aren't feeling well and then drag another client in for a session right after. Therapy would be a done deal for me if that happened.

I think if you were good with therapy before this all happened, asking your t for clarification on who that man was, what happened that day, and why she cancelled today might be worthwhile for you so you can better decide what to do.

[sinking]

Thank you all, you made me think.... im not sure what to do next....

but the feeling i get from my T is that she is upset with me and she too doesnt see the point in keeping seeing me. so if we have shorter session or if we have to reschedule for whatever reason, its ok with her because it doesnt really matter... of course she has other patients more worthy of her time than me. sad thing is that it makes sense.

we rescheduled for friday...

Originally Posted by sinking

I get it. i'll be dead in a few months, so why should she care?

but i hoped... i thought... well....., not even a paid relationship makes people care....

last session, i went in and she said "im not feeling well, is it ok if we finish earlier, just this once?" i thought it was because she wasnt feeling well, so i was glad to be able to do something for her... finishing earlier? i even asked her if she wanted to end it after 30 mins... then i got out of her office and saw another man coming in..... emotionally, it didnt hurt me, but intellectually... there it was: the proof that there was someone more important than me. someone so important that my session had to end earlier for him.

then today.... 50 mins before session she texts me saying she cant be there. reschedule? sure... she can do whatever she wants. im not important, i dont matter, i'll be dead in a few months, why should she care? of course there are people more important than me. of course....

im done. im really done. had enough. its time to end it. do you agree?

What if you separate your worth from someone else's actions.

Free oneself. Thsts pretty scary. But ones only choice. If one wants to feel their worth.

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by sinking

Thank you all, you made me think.... im not sure what to do next....

but the feeling i get from my T is that she is upset with me and she too doesnt see the point in keeping seeing me. so if we have shorter session or if we have to reschedule for whatever reason, its ok with her because it doesnt really matter... of course she has other patients more worthy of her time than me. sad thing is that it makes sense.

we rescheduled for friday...

If she rescheduled for Friday with you, I think that is pretty decent evidence that she wants to see you again. It really sounds like she has something going on in her personal life. She probably is sick and that's why she is shortening sessions and canceling them.

It's certainly a good idea to talk to her about how sad that made you feel though. She might be able to reassure you that it wasn't your fault.

[BudFox]

I'd say it's her job to avoid subjecting you to that sort of ambiguity. She could have said beforehand that someone was waiting, and for what purpose, so you wouldn't feel like you were being used. Therapists do very little, it's not asking too much for them to get basic interactions right.

[Sarmas]

I would definitely so am to her and tell her what you observed through your eyes and how you were nice enough to even offer to end after 30min. It’s almost at times like you have to present the whole picture because some Ts don’t get it. They’re so busy in their own world with s so many clients that they don’t notice how much of a negative impact they can sometimes be to clients. Then on top of that to cancel after that .thays absolutely unprofessional. I would drill her about it.

[sinking]

Mouse62, you're right... its just hard to see it.

Anyway, i dont think she has anything going on, in fact she wanted to reschedule for today first but i couldnt because of my job. This too bothers me... she knows im never free at lunch time... why did she even ask? i think she just forgot she had booked another appt for yesterday and this someone else was more important than me...

Im not sure i want to talk about this with her... i see no ppint anyway.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by sinking

Mouse62, you're right... its just hard to see it.

Anyway, i dont think she has anything going on, in fact she wanted to reschedule for today first but i couldnt because of my job. This too bothers me... she knows im never free at lunch time... why did she even ask? i think she just forgot she had booked another appt for yesterday and this someone else was more important than me...

Im not sure i want to talk about this with her... i see no ppint anyway.

There's definitely a point in talking about it--if it's bothering you and affecting how you're feeling, you should tell her. She may have a really good explanation for all of it that has absolutely nothing to do with you. I agree that the guy who came in may have just been there to pick her up or bring her medicine or something.

I think of the many times my marriage counselor had to cancel--sometimes at the very last minute--when his wife was sick. He wasn't clear about what was going on at the time, but my ex-T clarified on several of those occasions that it was a family emergency, that it was something only he could deal with (she clarified to me because I'd recently told him about the transference and was concerned it was him not wanting to deal with me). I later found out about his wife, and it all made sense. I wish he'd just been more open about it at the time though. In a way, I get why he wasn't, but I also feel like he needed to consider how his clients felt, with so many cancellations. I wouldn't be surprised if some bailed on him because they felt they couldn't rely on him. (Had it not been for the strong transference, I might have considered doing the same...)

But, please try talking to your T. And stay safe.

[sinking]

I know its not about me, its about that man last time (who definitely was her patient) or anyone else this time being more important than me.

at this point im not sure i want any explanation. maybe i want it to be the last straw to help me quit therapy.

i didnt plan it this way, but im tired of feeling hurt by her. my old T used to hurt me because he was too professional, she, because she isnt professional enough... or so i perceive her. im just tired. she helped me as she could, now she can no longer help me in any way.

[satsuma]

Just to say - it is possible that your T is a committed T and was telling the truth. For example, maybe she was feeling really unwell on that particular day so she shortened your session, cancelled the rest of her day's sessions, and asked a family member or friend to come and collect her because she didn't feel well enough to drive or travel by herself.

Of course it's also possible that she was lying and wanting to see someone (partner?) more than she wanted to work.

I'm just saying that both are possible. It's totally understandable to be really upset by this happening. Therapy can be such a crucial time when we are feeling low and really need help, and it's horrible to have the T cancel or shorten the session at the last minute.
Maybe next time you could tell T your suspicions and how it makes you feel? I think you may be able to tell by her reaction whether or not she was telling the truth.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by sinking

Mouse62, you're right... its just hard to see it.

Anyway, i dont think she has anything going on, in fact she wanted to reschedule for today first but i couldnt because of my job. This too bothers me... she knows im never free at lunch time... why did she even ask? i think she just forgot she had booked another appt for yesterday and this someone else was more important than me...

Im not sure i want to talk about this with her... i see no ppint anyway.

I really hope she didn't lie to you and say she didn't feel well when she actually double booked. As the poster above said, that would be bold and very unethical. I really can't believe a T would lie to a client, like look you in the eye and lie about not feeling well. If so , her opinions don't matter!!!!! More likely, something is going on with her like a medical DX or something health related as she said. If she has been honest and reliable in the past, I would try to put faith in her. One thing for sure is it isn't because of you.

[Wonderfalls]

When you ask her about it it will be much more helpful if you don't start off self-defensive and accusatory. These kind of confrontations go much better if every party gives each the benefit of the doubt. If she's been a good therapist for you and honest as far as you know, then you owe her that. It's so easy for us to think everything is all about us.

[sinking]

Last time she was feeling unwell due to a cold. i never said she lied to me about that - i could see it! but she said it at the beginning of my session as if it was an excuse to end the session earlier, while, after me she had another patient waiting to enter right when i got out, so that made me think it was somehow planned. i dont know for sure what happened this time, but she usually has mondays booked at that time so that made me think she might have forgotten the other appt and then asked me to postpone to another day, or maybe she had an emergency with another patient (still dont think its about her private life).

anyway, i dont think i'll confront T about this. actually im sick of thinking about it and i just want to quit. maybe i'll miss her, maybe not. im just tired of having problems with her every other session. its doing more harm than good.

[sinking]

You know, its as if i've been walking on a rope between two mountains... and im tired, so tired. I dont want to fall down, not yet, and i dont want to go on walking or go back or stay there... right now i just want to sleep on the floor. Stop being on that rope.

My T, she feels only like another interaction to manage and im too tired to do it. Why should i go on if i can stop and have something less to worry about? Right now she feels like another duty, another worry, not something that makes living easier, it makes it harder. Or so it feels right now... i know it will probably different once i quit, but i dont feel like i can go on right now...

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by sinking

Right now she feels like another duty, another worry, not something that makes living easier, it makes it harder. .

Therapy in a nutshell for me. Pointless drama and dysfunction, charged by the hour.