[Hazelgreen]

Today my therapist told me that she will be taking a vacation in a couple of weeks. I started crying to myself which I was totally embarrassed about. I know she deserves a vacation, but it will be hard. It is a reminder that I am dependent on her which makes me feel so ashamed. She offered to see if another therapist could see me that week. This therapist is my horse therapist so I do know her, although it is bound to feel a bit awkward. I hate feeling dependent but I feel so scared that she will be gone. I guess I just need some support. How do other people handle their therapist’s vacations? Please help me know how to handle this. I hope I don’t sound pathetic. Thanks.

[winterblues17]

Hi I don't post so much but I thought I would to this because I have huge issues over t holidays. I'm glad you got some notice, thankfully mine always give me a few weeks to get my head around it.
She knows I struggle with it a lot so we chat about it and she tries to reassure me that she will be back and she will still be her! I still kinda feel abandoned though even though rationally I know that's not the case, and that everyone needs a break Now and again, so then I feel slight guilt that I go on about it etc.. most times she's let me email and has replied to me on the normal at day just to keep them connection going, because I tend to fear that I lose it!
I have a holiday myself coming up, well I say a holiday although it's kind of a prearranged agreement so I'm to miss a session.i let her know already but might she if she can play around with the dates with me a little so instead of 14 days it will be 10 which helps slot more I think.
As far as handling I just try to keep to thinking about day by day rather than the while block of seperation. Also look forward to email if she agrees to keep the connection etc, the struggle I do find myself having is my anxiety goes through the roof in the first session back and I take a little while to settle back down. Although normally by the End I've managed to ge reassured etc and then utball starts over again.
Sorry for lack of any advice but I just wanted to know you not alone, and from other posts I've read on the forum it's all very common

[Argonautomobile]

How do you handle the regular time between sessions? Yoga? Meditation? Cat videos? Whatever you do now when the T's not available, you just keep doing it until the vacation is over.

I was very ashamed at how quickly I came to rely on my weekly sessions, and petrified when we moved to monthly sessions, then every 6 weeks, then every 8, etc.

But it was much less terrible than I expected. I surprised myself. I bet you will, too.

[Amyjay]

When my therapist was away recently I was going through the mental calendar with her... I said "So you'll be here next week, and then gone for the two weeks after that?" She replied with "Yes- I'll be here next week, then I'll be away for two weeks, and then I will be here again."
That last bit made so much difference to how I felt about her going away. Instead of focusing "she's going to be gone" I was able to focus on "...then she will be here again."
I don't know if thinking of it that way might be helpful for you. Every week your therapist is there, then you go through the week without her, and then she is there again. When she goes away the time between seeing her will be a little longer, but when she is done she will be there in her room again.

[kecanoe]

I saw a substitute T one time that T1 was gone. He was helpful and kind-more than I expected.

Sometimes T1 has been ok with emails or text checkins or a time or two, phone calls.

Sometimes I have just resigned myself to taking more of my as-needed meds.

I do think that staying busy helps.

But in the end, I guess I just get through it one day at a time. It is hard.

[ElectricManatee]

I usually spend a little bit of time coming up with a plan with my T before she leaves. Usually it's a list of things to occupy my time, things that will be pleasant, things like journaling or meditation that might help me deal with whatever feelings come up. I like to formulate the plan with my T so then it feels like she is part of it when I do things while she is away. Sometimes I plan an interesting knitting project and then bring it in to show her the finished project when she gets back (I started knitting initially because it is good for anxiety). My T will also usually give me a transitional object from her office if she's planning to be away and not available via phone or email.

[Elio]

I am no good at vacations. Last year's ended in big major rupture. Next month she's taking a long weekend and she has several of these planned throughout the year. We need to start talking about it because I only have 8 sessions to work it out. And that sounds pathetic. I think what might be worse is on her long vacation, I'm planning on taking my vacation the same time and being out of town myself in hopes that it will make it easier.

I just try to remind myself that it is where I am right now with my process and path, that I won't always be at this place, in terms of my reaction around the concept of T taking a vacation.

[mostlylurking]

Some other ideas I remember seeing here are to plan something you would enjoy, maybe takeout food and a Netflix movie, or lunch with a friend, or anything else you might think of, at the same time or on the same day as the missed appointment. People have also had their T's write them a short note on a post-it, or even write them a note or card to be opened while they are away. Personally when I miss my T I re-read our emails (and my T is very very brief in email replies but it still helps). If yours would call and leave a supportive voicemail, that seems like it could be really helpful to have and to listen to -- if they're willing. And like ElectricManatee said, some small thing from their office might help if they'd offer to let you borrow it; or even a photo of their office might help.

This is a great place to find support too. I think at times we've had whole threads for people dealing with T vacations (like in late summer or around the holidays).

[GeekyOne]

Last summer my T took a 5 week vacation during which she was out of the country so there was no other contact (call/text/email) available. I ended up seeing another T during those weeks, just to have someone to check in with. But it’s not the same.

I asked my T for a business card so I could carry her with me. It seems unlikely that she would give me a business card if she weren’t planning to come back. She thought that was a great idea. Before giving it to me she wrote “I’ll be back” on the top of the card (her idea). I still carry that card in my wallet. She also gave me an acorn from a bowl in her office which I sometimes use as a worry stone.

Maybe you and your T can work on ways to keep her with you, at least in your head, while she’s gone?

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by Hazelgreen

Today my therapist told me that she will be taking a vacation in a couple of weeks. I started crying to myself which I was totally embarrassed about. I know she deserves a vacation, but it will be hard. It is a reminder that I am dependent on her which makes me feel so ashamed. She offered to see if another therapist could see me that week. This therapist is my horse therapist so I do know her, although it is bound to feel a bit awkward. I hate feeling dependent but I feel so scared that she will be gone. I guess I just need some support. How do other people handle their therapist’s vacations? Please help me know how to handle this. I hope I don’t sound pathetic. Thanks.

——I had a terrible time over the holidays w my t gone and only 1 friend in a new town. I realized that I AM relying on her too much so I started adding to my network. Found a better gym, joined a bipolar group. Now I am working on communicating properly w family because they r totally unsupportive of mental illness. W good friends I won’t depend on them so much. U have to diversify and I know how hard it is when you don’t feel confident.

[pepper_mint]

For a first year of therapy I didn't care. I thought "it's fine, I'll have some free time as well". But now (after 1.5y) my T took 1 free week. And I feel really awfull
I'm sad that she's not here when I need her... and this sadness is really strong (I even cried!). It's like abandonment - and it's in the worst time for me :-/
We don't have any contact between sessions so I just have to wait...

I also think that it's good. I didn't feel like that before so it probably means that I developed some attachment and maybe transference. It's something worth discussing.
But still.. so painful

[LostOnTheTrail]

I understand, pepper mint....

I've just experienced a similar thing - family emergency at the same time as everything went to crap for me. Thankfully, R should be back the week after next.

Rooting for you - hope your T comes back soon.

[Hazelgreen]

Thank you to those of you who posted your kind encouragement. Today I saw t and had her write on the back of her card “I’m coming back”. It’s just hard when I depend on her each week. I appreciate the support.

[Hazelgreen]

Today I am feeling panicked again about her vacation. I need her and this is scary. I don’t want these feelings. This is why I feel I should probably just be by myself. I don’t want this feeling of loss.

[SalingerEsme]

I completely understand this, and underwent something similar lately. Some people here had great ideas about why, especially that there is a "therapy bubble" inside which the relationship feels so real, but when the T leaves, it is revealed or we are reminded of what we do always know but kind of put aside- that it is actually fundamentally not a "real" relationship in our real lives. It hurts. I don't want the feelings either- the sense of loss is so hard to understand. Hopefully we will figure it out, and end up somehow growing from it.

[peaches100]

I have a hard time dealing with my t's vacations too, even though I've been seeing her for a long time. It is getting easier though.

My t and I prepare ahead of time for her trips. We plan things I can work on while she's gone, things I can do that are soothing or fun, and ways to cope if I get triggered. She has also at times let me take a special rock, piece of coral, or even her coffee mug to hang onto until she gets back.

Right now, my t is on vacation out of the country, and I am missing 2 sessions (total of 3 weeks between sessions). I hate it, but I am doing OK. Early in my therapy, I had a hard time just missing 1 session. So, like I mentioned, it does get easier with time.