[RubyRae]

Mine has.But when he was sitting and looking at my breasts I just assumed it was because I had a low cut top on and was my own fault.I mean,I did sort of have them on display,so I felt it was just natural for him to look.I never wore any tops like that again and was very self conscious about my breasts after that.I did notice him looking there other times after that but it didn't bother me as much knowing I wasn't showing anything.

When looking at my butt,I felt it was my own fault because of the way I was standing and talking to him before I left.Instead of facing him and talking,I was turned sideways,leaned against his book shelf.That was a regular thing and I should not have stood there with my butt stuck out like that.

I haven't been to see him in quite awhile and now I am thinking maybe it shouldn't have mattered what type of top I had on or how I was standing.He was checking my body out and it was wrong of HIM,I did nothing wrong.

You have every right to wear whatever top you want but it depends on what kind of attention you are trying to attract.

If females wear really revealing tops, of course there might be some who will look. Its hard not to but that doesnt mean a person cant control their eyes as well.

[LonesomeTonight]

He shouldn't be noticeably looking at your body in that way, no matter what you're wearing or how you're standing. A quick glance as he's scanning you is one thing, like how the eyes might normally move around while looking at someone. But an obvious, leering glance is not OK.

[MrsDuckL]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

He shouldn't be noticeably looking at your body in that way, no matter what you're wearing or how you're standing. A quick glance as he's scanning you is one thing, like how the eyes might normally move around while looking at someone. But an obvious, leering glance is not OK.

I wholeheartedly agree—you’re allowed to wear what you would like, and it’s your therapist’s job to be professional. Some women choose to wear clothes that are more revealing or less revealing, and this is their choice. I think the onus is on the therapist to remain professional and ethical regardless of what their clients wear.

As for my T, he’s not interested in women, so...

[Salmon77]

now I am thinking maybe it shouldn't have mattered what type of top I had on or how I was standing.He was checking my body out and it was wrong of HIM,I did nothing wrong.

This sounds exactly right to me. It is totally unprofessional for a therapist to be obviously checking out a client's body in a sexual way.

I don't think my T has done that, I have never noticed it anyway.

[RubyRae]

I wasn't dressed like a ho or anything.I always make sure everything is covered.I usually wear T-shirts and other shirts that go all the way up to my neck.I even wear tight sports bras to minimize my breasts.And always black to try to hide them the best I can.That day he was looking,I had a top that showed a teeny bit of cleavage(to me that's having them on display).

I have been thinking about returning to therapy but for some reason I was thinking about this today,the way he sometimes looked at me.

[junkDNA]

Prob not for me. I never wear low cut shirts. I started wearing shorts again last year and saw him looking at my legs but I think that is natural. And I'm pale and pasty, so.... lol

[stopdog]

Not that I noticed - but I choose to hire old straight women and I am a lesbian - so it is not likely to come up all that much.

I've looked at my T's and I'm straight.

I don't really pay attention to people doing that.

I bet no, though. My T is female and my pdoc is male, but I've been in some weird situations (if I panic I get very warm, and if I'm too warm I panic more quickly, so sometimes if a session is very intense I'll take off my sweater if I have a T-shirt underneath. A while ago I hadn't noticed my T-shirt was rather shine-through though, so you could see my bra) and at most he'll frown in concern. I mean, if I do things like that I'm either very upset, very triggered (OH NO MY CLOTHES ARE RESTRAINING ME!! GET THEM OFF!) or very agitated.
Sometimes if I'm very upset or agitated or triggered or something I'll do weird things. Once I was inpatient and very agitated, shortly after bedtime. Came down, sat with the two nurses in the living room, and eventually I 'needed' my clothes off and managed to get them off. Male nurse immediately turned around and waited just around the wall (within earshot, out of eyesight) while the female nurse sat with me.

Pdoc is very great at not paying attention to the irrelevant things, though, so I really doubt he'd stare at someone's body with anything but a professional interest. (Such as: if someone looks fat, he might notice and ask them to step on the scale)
There's also the fact that he treats youths - the T organization treats until 23, but they don't take patients over 18. So that would be seriously creepy and icky if he were to do that.

[SalingerEsme]

My T is so respectful, and there's no way he would lack that self-monitoring . He's worldly and he has a daughter- I can't picture that happening in his office.

[fille_folle]

Not that I've noticed.

[mostlylurking]

I can't imagine my T doing anything like that. He's male, I'm female, we're both straight, but... I just don't think he brings that part of himself into the room.

RubyRae, I think your T was unprofessional, and, given the asymmetry of the therapy relationship it's a bit creepy that he behaved that way. I'm guessing that if you've started thinking about returning to therapy, your subconscious mind is trying to put up red flags and warning signs, and that's why you're having these thoughts now, perhaps.

Would you consider trying someone new if you go back?

[RubyRae]

My T was/is the first male in my life that has never tried anything sexual with me.So I guess I was/am grateful for that and didn't put too much thought into the way he looked at me at times.

On the other hand though,maybe it was just my imagination due to so much past sexual abuse.I honestly don't really know now.

[mostlylurking]

That does seem a little bit complicated, as we can project our fears onto our T's at times. But I would tend to trust my instincts if it were me. I have often ignored someone's disrespectful behavior toward myself and then months or years later had it suddenly pop into my mind again, demanding to be addressed because it really wasn't okay.

Perhaps you could consult with another T about this, either before returning to therapy with him or a couple of times just after you restart therapy with him? Usually the standard advice is "Try discussing this with your T," but I think this is something it would be easy for your previous T to deny / be in denial about.

[RaineD]

Well, sometimes people can't help looking. I'm a straight woman, and sometimes I stare at other women's breasts. It's like I'm already looking when I catch myself and look away because I know it's rude. It's not a sexual thing; they're just nice to look at, like a pretty flower, a cute baby, or a cute dog.

But, as a therapist, your T should have been better at controlling his gaze, I think.

In any case, it's definitely, 100% NOT your fault.