Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

Perhaps that is the therapist version of ambulance chasing

Thanks!

My sister is looking at 2-4 years in prison.

T told me to try to separate my emotions from my sister's. And to imagine putting on a suit of armor to protect myself from all her drama and negativity. I told her that I'm kind of disassociating myself, and she told me that it's a good thing. That I'm trying to protect myself. She said disassociating isn't always as bad as it's made to believe. She also told me to keep relaxing and distracting myself. I'm trying all of these things. I think it's working because I don't have any of my "thoughts". I'm quite proud of myself actually. I've never been strong enough to support someone else for a long period of time.

That's a lovely cross stitch Daisy! Velcro, I hope more opportunities to reduce isolation come your way, whether it's AA or not. Think there's "Smart Recovery" as a secular, no need for abstinence model.

I'm sorry couch! I know I don't really frequent here (mostly because I just don't think I'm welcome). But this all is really hard for me and besides my T and sometimes my H, all I have are you all. And I need some place to just vent. I hope you all don't mind.

I'm so frustrated at my sister. She just told me that the boyfriend will write a letter to the DA asking for the charges to be dropped, if my sister will seek mental health treatment. Great news, right?!?! No. My sister said she won't do that...

I'm stuck on this rollercoaster ride and I can't control it; my sister controls it. I told her that my T and I think she has bipolar or borderline. My sister said that other people have told her that she's bipolar. But her excuse for her behavior is because she lost her job, home, boyfriend, and soon possibly her baby and her freedom. She thinks she's handling things well. In some regards she is, but trying to run over the boyfriend with the car... knowing there were security cameras...

My parents really messed up me and my sisters. I'm the only one in my family who admits to having a mental health issue. And I'm the "black sheep" because of that.

Your sister certainly doesnt sound well, is there someone who has influence with her that could persuade her?
I am sorry you dont feel welcome i am sure the creator of the couch would feel sad as it was set up for all users to feel safe and vent and relax.

My dad is the only one who might be able to persuade her, but he doesn't believe in mental health issues. It's weird though. My sister has been back in my life for maybe 2 years now. And she tells me that I'm the only one she's completely honest with. I know it's because I don't try to manipulate her or control her. And when I have advice/suggestions, I do my best to gently put it out there. So maybe, if I keep bringing it up, maybe I can convince her to get help?

(((Scarlet))) posting on the couch is fine.

Maybe your sisters lawyer will help convince her, if the da is proposing it. That sounds very hopeful, like they really want her to get help.

Eta - i must say, you seem to be handling it amazingly well. I think i would be flipping out, even at my old age.

(((Scarlet))) of course you're welcome here. I feel so deeply for you. I know how hard it is to be so deeply affected by something that you have absolutely no control over. Just be as supportive as you can, and I'll be hopeful that your sister gets the help she needs.

LT, I'll hop in your pocket with my face mask on

Thanks, Daisy! And I'm sure Chihirochild will share her tea.

So sorry, Scarlet. Of course you're welcome to post here on the couch! So your sister would prefer possible prison time over getting mental health treatment? That's so sad...but I know the stigma against mental health issues can be really strong. Hopefully, you, your dad, and/or her lawyer can get through to her. Does she maybe have misconceptions about what therapy is about? Is she worried about meds? Maybe you can help give her perspective on it...

LT, I am not a pocket rider, due to crowd avoidance, but I will be thinking of you and pulling for you to have some resolution for your current stress and a way forward that will put your mind at ease.

My therapist was furious with me yesterday because she said I'd made assumptions about her without knowing anything, so I backed down but inside was thinking...if she doesn't tell me anything of significance about herself, how can I do anything else but make assumptions? Also, I don't see how someone who has children and relationships has any idea what it is like to be someone with zero social currency--no relationships, family, or social circle. It really upsets me how she lit up, like this super fiery anger, but never revealed anything about herself that could correct my perception. I just don't know how this is going to go. Getting very weary of life right now and therapy along with it.

That sounds really frustrating, ruh roh. Why should she not assume you would make assumptions? I do it all the time and then sometimes I tell my T what I assume to be true about her based on what I do know. Sometimes she corrects me and sometimes she doesn't. But it seems dumb for them to think we don't wonder and/or fill in the blanks ourselves. In many ways, not knowing (and knowing I "can't" know) makes me even more curious.

My T commented once that she feels like she knows what it's like to have many different experiences based on talking about them with her clients, but I don't know that I agree. How can anybody know exactly what it's like to be somebody else? She has a lot of training and experience working with queer people, for example, but I would be incredibly offended if she ever said she felt like she knew exactly how that experience has colored my life.

Thanks, RR!

Sorry your T was angry at you--I agree with you that if she doesn't tell you stuff, you're stuck making assumptions. Hugs if you want...

Yeah, I don't get it either. It's so lopsided. Plus, she makes assumptions about me, but at least I correct them. Not that she believes me. Whenever there's this fire from her, I wonder if that's built up from suppressed hostility she feels toward me. I have asked her and she acts like she has no idea what I'm talking about, so I just shove it back inside and do my best to ignore anything about the therapy relationship, and talk about my outside life.

rr, for what it’s worth, Blondie also gets super crazy angry when she thinks I’m making assumptions about her. It’s pretty much non-stop snapping back and forth when that happens.

I don’t think it’s suppressed hostility or that it has anything to do with discomfort in talking about the therapy relationship (Blondie can talk about it till the cows come home and still snap away at the same time) — the closest I can guess is that it probably was a sensitive topic of some sort that they’re yet to examine (usually the intensity of the response indicates that).

Thanks AY. Yes, it clearly struck a personal issue, otherwise I would think she'd either let it go or correct me. It was about gender identity and sexual orientation, which I have a lot of struggles and confusion around and can't find anywhere that I fit. I don't remember what she'd said, but it seemed that she didn't understand so I said it was like how a lot of white people don't see white privilege because they/we are just living our lives with it, that it is the same with her not understanding how it is to not fit in anywhere due to lack of identity or orientation that helps people gravitate toward each other, form groups and relationships. That's when she lit into me and said I have no idea what her orientation is and am making assumptions. But the thing is, the fact that she has children gives her a place in society, and a social currency. For those without children, perhaps they have had relationships or identify with a particular orientation even if they don't have a relationship, and that is something that grants them an "in" or connection socially. So I just don't think she gets it, but I was pissing her off so much I had to let it go and now the chasm is so wide, I don't even feel like going back anymore. The least she could have done is correct my assumption, but she made it clear that her own orientation is none of my effing business. So yeah...not exactly feeling the warm fuzzies from her.

I had chain nightmares last night, all about therapists.



This led to me lying awake since about 1:30 and getting coffee on my way to work, and not having had caffeine for a month...it tastes vile, like it did to me before I learned to tolerate it in college. Tried a soda instead. That just tastes like chemicals now. Positive signs, I suppose.

And no, I don't want to teach anyone about Marcus Aurelius today. What a prissy self-satisfied emperor.

Oh, Scarlet. I so feel for you. What a situation to be in. It sounds like you are handling it well. I hope your sister will come around to getting help. I'm so sad the stigma is still so strong to make someone prefer jail over getting help. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Also of course you are welcome here, everyone brings different perspectives to the couch and they're all needed to make this a well-rounded place to come and vent, or share good stuff, or be silly, whatever. We as people (and as couchies) are all in this together. Big safe hugs to you, if you want them.

Sorry you're having nightmares. T says that nightmares are just our psyche's way of getting our attention. I'm not completely convinced that's true but who knows.
H and I both quit drinking soda when he went into the hospital. We're drinking unsweetened iced tea for caffeine. I don't know that I could give that up! But I am glad to be off soda again. I feel so much better eating/drinking healthier already. My hands don't fall asleep multiple times during the night anymore. And I'm learning to like veggies at last. Proper seasoning makes all the difference.

She was in therapy as a teenager, but I think that was to deal with my parent's divorce. Recently, she was seeing a T and a Pdoc to help with postpartum depression. She got herself off the meds about a month or so ago. I convinced her to get back on them. She said they did help.

She does have a misconception about mental health. She got off her meds because she wanted to prove to everyone that she no longer suffered from postpartum. Because she thinks that suffering from postpartum means she's an unfit mother. I've tried to convince her otherwise. Even worst case scenario, if she tells the judge that she was off her meds when she tried to hit her boyfriend, they might consider it temporary insanity. But she doesn't want that.

dude. your T is so in the wrong here! UGH. I feel ya, because i am single, have been single for almost all of my adult life, and struggle with my sexual identity. It really sucks to feel so alone and not a part of anything. I get it. i am 99.9% certain if I said the same thing to my T, she would take it in stride and agree with me, even though i would be assuming about her identity bc she’s married and has kids.

This!!!! This is the best post about the paradox of therapy in which the client is mired, but the therapist ignores.

Ruh roh, your T has a problem. If she doesn't want to reveal anything about herself, that's fine--but reacting so defensively is not ok. I would question why she isn't using your "assumptions" (which I think are valuable therapy material and inevitable) as informing her about you and not about herself? She's being reactive when she should be analytical. Has she been helpful aside from this? I mean, does she have the skills to work analytically, or is she strictly CBT or something? Sorry, I don't know the backstory of your work with her.

I am more upset by the fact that my hairstylist is taking an unknown amount of time off work (and I'll have to see someone else at least this time) than I am about Piaf rescheduling so I don't see her for 2 1/2 more weeks, not having seen her for 3 weeks already.

Hair vs. therapy, hair wins.