Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

I like your GP

Oh ugh. I know this territory all too well. I think it has to do with those of us who have super tuned spidey senses for the slightest emotional shifts. So, while Blondie might think she's not irritated, to you it feels like an assault of unexpressed feeling.

I had a similar experience last week when my therapist shot back at me in such a way that it felt like an attack. At first, she said she wasn't angry. In the next email, when I insisted there was anger there, she admitted having frustration due to other stressors in her life and was sorry/surprised that I had picked up on it. The way she said it made it sound like she thought it was barely perceptible. I listened to the recording and it's not nearly as attacking as it felt at the time, but I continue to struggle with how it felt and keep replaying other situations that felt similar--I think the same as what you are doing with Blondie.

What I think I'm saying is that even if Blondie harbors resentment over the scheduling and talk about the podcast and won't admit it, there's a really good chance she actually doesn't feel that negativity to the same degree you receive it. Suppressed feelings are like a dog whistle to people who grew up under constant threat. We're always listening/looking for what's under the surface as a survival mechanism.

So...if you do stay with Blondie, or take a break and return, this thing that's happening--being hyperaware of other people's feelings even when they are merrily going on about their ignorant lives—is helpful to get a handle on and learn how to turn down the dial on their stuff. I clearly haven't made any progress on this with my therapy dust ups, but I've been able to do this with a non-therapy situation and it's amazing, so freeing not to give a s**t what other people are angry or upset about. It's become like a protective shield, and anti-crap shield, that's a lot healthier than having an allergic reaction to every off-kilter exchange.

I'm not proof reading this, so I hope it makes some sense.

rr — yeah, you’re bang on. For me (and if I’m not mistaken, I’m not that far from the norm here), the hyper-sensitivity also goes hand in hand with this overwhelming need for me to do something ANYTHING but NOW IMMEDIATELY to fix the other person’s resentment and make everything okay. Except with Blondie insisting that all is well and my inability to counter-insist force Blondie to somehow go back to doing what was upsetting to me in the first place, I’m kinda stuck.

I’ll go with what you’ve suggested and chill out and let her deal with her crap.

This describes my most recent therapy disruption almost exactly. I apparently pick up on my therapist's mood and stress levels to an almost freaky degree, but I didn't understand that I was doing it into fairly recently. It helps that my T is willing to compromise a bit and tell me when I'm accurately sensing something about her so I can separate her general mood or mental state from things she is specifically feeling about me or about what's going on in the room. It can be a delicate balance because neither of us wants her to go into great detail about whatever is going on in her life right now, but I also tend to panic when I assume I am the source of her negative feelings. If she weren't in touch with what's going on with herself, those sessions where I start to feel insecure would otherwise almost invariably have turned into total sh*tshows. (It doesn't help that I already sometimes I feel creepy or weird for noticing very tiny changes in her demeanor, appearance, or office.)

Thanks to Blondie, I’m now getting internet ads for sexy leprechaun costumes.

The woman has a very long arm.

This is so true & well said

I am usually clueless about whatever the therapist is feeling. I mostly just don't care and if I did sense something, I would not assume it had anything to do with me.

I assume you’d prefer the animal print onesie ads vastly over this horror?

I think I would text "FYI, friend and I plan to be at cat place at ____. You mentioned you would be there and I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

One time I was going to a public event and mentioned it to T. He said that he was going also. I said that it was ok if he said hi to me (some Ts don't do this so that the client won't be outed). As it happened, we were both walking in at the same time, stood in line together for 5 or 10 minutes, and then ended up seated at adjacent tables. T introduced H and me to his companions by name and occupation, we said a few things to each other over the course of the evening. It was actually ok. He said that he thought it was ok also.

No need for you to cancel, IMO. If T doesn't want to run into you, T can avoid being there when you are there. Quite possibly it won't matter to T: just smile, say hi, and keep visiting with your friend.

I think that is a wise thought, and KeCanoe's idea is perfect if you do decide to go. Put the problem and the ball in his court, by telling him when you and your friend will be there, and then stick to that. He kind of puts you in a double bind by telling you personal info when you want to be his friend, but also inhabiting the T space of heightened awareness of boundaries.

Sister update: Well my sister is back with her boyfriend...sort of. She says he hasn't reinstated her as his girlfriend yet, but she's been staying up there with him all week. She says she's trying really hard to not be paranoid or do anything crazy. And she found out that her charges are assult with intention to do grave bodily harm and child endangerment (she had the baby in the back of the car). But the charges were dropped down from felonies to misdemeanors. She still doesn't know if she's looking at jail time or not. The case had to be transferred to another city.

I don't really post on this thread much but I just want to weigh in on DP's situation....

I think you should go. Go and have a good time. I bet if you mentioned it to your T he would even encourage you to get out with friends and maybe meet some new people. Don't rethink doing something fun just because you might run into him.

I have had a talk with my T about what to do if we see each other "in the wild".... I get anxiety about that stuff but I know we shop/dine/etc at a lot of the same places so it could happen. Maybe it would be worth discussing with yours as well?

Anyway, my thoughts. I hope you go and have a good time!

I plan to discuss the protocol for meeting in public should it ever happen. I will go, unless we get bad weather... you never know with winter... but anyway It's not that I don't want to run into him, I'd love it more anything, but its not allowed in the "Rules" or whatever.... so I'm trying to respect that... but ya I'll mention it next session

Yep it pretty much sucks, constantly confused in my head but I like him too much to leave him over it.

We will talk about it and see, he knows I would not mind seeing him, so yes its in his court. Although we have yet to pick a day/time, waiting a bit closer to see if its gonna snow or not, we wont go at all if it does

(thanks, couchpeeps, for the hugs and wisdom when i was riding the SI struggle bus on tuesday. i managed to distract myself real thoroughly with graph-making for a research thing so i didn't end up having to admit myself. i still am soaking in bad bad badness but i'm alive so that's good i guess.)

My morning started off with two extremely happy dogs running into the house through the dog door (that I had opened at 6:30am so I could sleep but they could quit annoying me and go outside) with a giant but decidedly deceased crow. The younger dog, in his glee, decided to jump into my bed and drop it on me while the older dog barked, waggled, and bumped the bed. They were so completely pleased with themselves that all I could do was tell them they are excellent dogs and distract them with biscuits. I quickly grabbed the bird and tossed it out the front door and into the bushes. All before I had my first cup of coffee. I may need a nap before noon.

Oh gross! I would have screamed, I love dogs but yucky to when they bring dead things to me

Screaming would have just gotten the dogs more excited, and they were already super happy. I am pretty good at not reacting like that - so it was not all that hard for me to just get out of bed and handle it. The one thing I am glad about it, and it only was due to their extreme level of bounciness and its weight when it fell on me so that I looked, is that I did not assume it was a dog toy and touch it without knowing what it was. They are not great hunters - they are a herding breed. This is the first bird that it looks like they got themselves - it was not decayed or stiff yet. They usually manage to off a couple of rabbits each year - not because they are excellent hunters but because they treat the rabbit like a stuffed animal. I am lucky they never try to eat them - they always bring them to me and do the play bow - they want me to toss it or play tug of war like we do with their toys.

Ha, ya that's good, icky. Oh ya I know screaming only makes them more excited but sometimes I just do it anyway.

Hopefully they don't bring you any more prizes today

Spring is busting out all over!

Indeed. The cat was not impressed.
He is an even worse hunter than the dogs.

It finally snowed!

I read that the first time as "cow" instead of "crow", and was trying to figure out just how big said dogs are before I decided I misread it.

Sorry you had to deal with that! Yuk.

Certainly the dog door image would be a bit misleading if a cow could get through it.

We have some rather large crows here too. There's a family of them that lives in the field on the way to t's house, I like to stop and watch them a little sometimes when I'm early. H and I saw a really huge one this morning too, not far from our house. The beak on that thing was fearsome. Must be a day for big crows!