Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

I hate my f***ing life. Today somehow turned into "let's go remember the terrible things your husband said to you" day and I don't know why.

Yikes is right. I guess it will just count as next week's session, budget-wise. Looks like he is sticking to his boundary of extra sessions instead of phone calls.

Knowing me, I wouldn't tell my T I was planning on going to this thing, and awkwardly pray I never ran into her. If I did, I'd completely act like I didn't see her. This happened once in a grocery store. I saw her from afar, and then managed to look in every direction but hers until I could run out of there!
LOL. That is awesome. Only twice have I thrown my check on the table to T instead of handing it to her--but both times have been because of tons of shame on my part.

Uh oh. I thought things with you and Info were going okay? What happened?
That sounds amazing. I'd just go and hope to G*d I never saw my T. But I am a giant wuss as well
What has happened with #3 recently? I am sorry you are feeling so bad
I STILL miss Saturday sessions with my T....and it has been like a year and a half. I now see her on Mondays after work, and she doesn't like it either. But, Saturdays didn't work out for her, so there we are.
I know how you feel, NP....and I have not been through anything nearly as traumatic as you have been. I am amazed at your strength, seriously. I honestly don't know what the point is either, except then something happens that makes me laugh or smile, and then I go "I guess it isn't all SO bad." But still, I get it. I do think your T really cares for you, but you are going through such an awful time, it is hard to see.

For some reason, every time I hear that your H was in stand off for SIX HOURS, it blows my mind. I hope you realize how socio/psychopathic this is. Ugh. I don't want to traumatize you further, nor am I blaming you in any way; I just find the whole situation awful for you.

I hope it goes well LT. You need as much support as you need. If you needed to check in with him 4/5 times a week that would be okay too.

Thanks, Lemon. I just feel like he’s probably sick of dealing with me and my attachment stuff. I felt like he really was starting to understand some of it, but after that email I’m not so sure of that.

Good luck, I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to go after being that upset. Id be sick of looking at him LOL

It's tough when T's just seem to not get it, I've felt that with mine but then he sucks me right back into the attachment, so I am still highly confused

At least you are doing a half session, probably good idea. Hope it gets sorted before the trip

Thanks, DP! Yeah...I'm kinda panicking right now (need to leave in a few minutes). I hope he doesn't suck today.

I just told a friend that T should be paying me to get continuing education credit--I'm giving him a crash course in how to deal and how not to deal with attached clients...

He's right though. It seems like that's bread and butter stuff for psychodynamic therapists and less so for the rest of them. Which is why I'm glad Bubbles is psychodynamic in orientation, because he has a primer for my own brand of crazy.

T told me one time that she gets a lot out of our conversations too. I felt like saying "Ok, you pay for your half, here's my $50." Like that would ever happen...

(I'm sure I get more out of them than she ever does though.)

So I'm reading chapter 4 in m textbook getting ready to write my discussion post. It's about Leisure, Flow, Mindfulness and Peak Performance. This section on flow that I'm reading now seems to be repeating itself over and over and over again, and I'm wondering why I'm bothering to keep reading. The best thing about this chapter so far is that they spelled out how to pronounce Csikszentmihalyi's name so I didn't have to stumble over it in my head while reading! ("Chick SENT me hi")

Ah, h is up and making noises about going out to breakfast (at IHOP, cuz we have a $25 gift card). I am glad I didn't start reading again, because I wouldn't have wanted to stop til I finish the chapter! I have to watch 2 TED talks and 2 other videos as well, and then write my discussion post and I want to get all of this done today. Hopefully tomorrow someone else will have posted that I can respond to. I did one of my responses last night, so that's good. My plan is to be done with the videos and discussion posts by tomorrow night. Then I can read chapters 1-3 which I have not bothered to do yet (oops). Then I have another paper due 2/27 (about gratitude). We have to do the first Quiz which covers chapters 1-4 by March 8, and if time keeps going as fast as it has, that is going to be here in no time!!

ETA but I should really also say that I LOVE this class already precisely because there's so much work. Add that to my still kinda new job at work where a lot more research and thinking is involved, I've discovered that using my brain makes me happy! (since I'm studying positive psychology lol)

Bonus half session today started out quite poorly, but then it improved, and I think it wound up being quite helpful. Definitely lots to think about and address in future sessions. Will post in In Session Today later.

the partridge family went on a cruise in one of the episodes? it's on right now i do not remember this episode at all. lol

Breakfast was delish. I got the egg white veggie omelette. Yum!

I'm tempted to start skipping on Blondie all over again.

Some things she's said has me feeling like she's being passive-aggressive with me (she'll of course attribute it to my issues with my mother).

She made a pretty big change for me -- making sure there's no client after me, so that I don't have to hear the buzzer (which bothers me).

But, I don't think she's been really okay with having made that change -- so, ever so often she'll bring it up in one way or the other but when I call her out on it (i.e., that she's really not okay with having made that change), she'll totally deny having any issues and ask me as to why she'd ever make the change if she wasn't okay with it.

Same with my issues with her bringing up that cultural podcast (telling me how my culture works based on a podcast another client asked her to listen to). I had lots of issues with that whole situation and apparently, she understood but she'll again bring it up -- in what I think is a gawdawfully passive-aggressive resentful way -- only to deny that she has any issues with it.

I'm considering taking a break from all things therapy and at some point when I feel like it, going back and seeing that one therapist who seemed to have her act together.

Except, given my own issues + my dynamic with Blondie, it's like I can't get out in any clean way.

Not sure what I'm looking for -- I'm really upset but too exhausted to muster up any coherent thoughts, even.

Got banned from another forum yesterday, really sucks when people harp on you for having issues that are not the same as theirs.

Artie---that breakfast sounds fantastic!!

LT-- glad it went good!

I'm glad it ended up being helpful even if it didn't start out so good.

Thanks, Art! Yeah, when it starts with the T being like, "I really have no idea why you wanted to meet," there's this feeling of "uh-oh..." And I was panicky and crying and struggling to get the words out, then kept thinking "I only have a half hour!" It seemed to shift in a better direction once he noticed I was shaking and commented on it.

I've been trying to follow the rule do what makes you happy. Today I spent my day shopping. I ended up with 2 different kinds of fancy cheese- a blue mould brie and another one with sun dried tomatoes and basil + four different kinds of chocolate including a 230g bar and a crazy amount of candles. I also treated myself to a massage bar from Lush.

I'm a huge fan of books and am trying to get as close to reading 100 this year ( I will have exams again to prep in approximately 2.5 months so I might not get that far xD ). I'm currently reading "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff "which I really like. But overall I'm starting to feel a smidge better, though I can feel still feel traces of anxiety in the background.

Re therapy- a big thing for me was always that I felt I didn't know him-I noticed for the past 2 sessions that he's trying to share more of himself ie a book he read in school, TV shows he remembered watching ( if I recap what's happened previously I often start off with "previously on lost". Everything is fine, but I'm not sure what's different now. I feel myself wanting to create oceans between us.I feel like I want to stop therapy because I've grown just so tired of it.

Want Info's half-dug grave in my therapist graveyard? Blondie'll have to finish digging it, though.

I can't believe you could get kicked off a forum! I have never even seen you come close to any line???

I'm proud of all of your hardwork Art!

I'm sorry things are so tough right now.

At some point, I had a discussion with Blondie on what to do post kicking the bucket (detailed rituals around that were kind of dinner table conversation in my family).

She said she’d like to go the cremation route but not sure how much I buy that — I’d already told her that it’s one of the few remaining cultural holdovers that I can’t shake off (preference for going up in smoke).

I did though then proceed to tell her that there’s a whole lot of wonderful (read gruesome) stuff — many circles and stages to pass through — even post that, and so if she really thought she was bonding with me by expressing the same preference, she better know what she’s signing up for.

On another note, an open bottle of Delirium keeps really well overnight, I must say.

(((Awk))) my gp once offered to run outside and cut off a few tree branches for me and get the process started! Hmm maybe i shouldnt get my psych meds transferred to him...