Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

Apparently my classes have turned into a dumpster fire in my absence. And I can't go in tomorrow. Great.

It's not CBT, but it's also not psychodynamic therapy, so there is no plumbing interactions like this for meaning about my own inner workings. Other than this, yes, she has been really helpful. But this has really hurt and I don't know what to do with it because I can't take the risk of more defensiveness. I have to either let it go or go my own way. I may write to her, but I don't want to make it worse, so I have to think about how to approach this.

I sense my T getting burned out again. He was talking about being super busy with his baby and his job . He said it's like he's working 2 jobs, and basically broke down his day for me: wake up, take care of baby, go to work, come home, take care of baby, sleep, wake up, do it again. I sensed my Ts stress level and his disconnect from our work together. I worry about this because we are getting into the trauma work again, and last time thus happened he got burned out and it was this huge thing to me.... boundaries got changed, etc. I'm scared he's burning out again but don't know how to approach that with him. I care about him as a person as well as his well being in order for us to do this trauma work together. I cant have a repeat of last time...i started disclosing trauma, they lost their in utero baby, t fell apart and "dropped the ball" [his words]

Thanks for the pocket riders! Session with T this afternoon went really well--it felt like we really connected and understood each other. T seems to have a deeper understanding of me now--he just seems to get it--what's going on with the attachment and other stuff. Of course, we'll have to see how that affects things going forward. But I feel in a much better place with him now. And like I want him to continue being my T.

That's great, LT. I'm glad you worked it out and feel better about things.

I'm so glad to hear that, LT.

Vent ahead. Feel free to ignore.

I am seriously about to crack. What have I done to so offend the universe?! Today, I look at my paycheck for friday and see that, after denying my FMLA because I "didn't call soon enough", and despite the fact that I entered the PTO hours on my timesheet, they are not paying me for the days my h was in the hospital that I missed!! So my paycheck is only going to be half what it normally is. I would like to know how I am supposed to start paying 100% of h's hospital bills that they refuse to cover with only half a paycheck?! I'm not that's how. Nobody's getting a ****ing dime outta us until the appeals are all worked out and they damn well better be. Plus, I have a health issue of my own that i need to get checked out that has been freaking me out. I did call our nurse line that insurance provides us (which knowing how they operate, they'll probably decide that I "didn't need to call them" and will charge me for it even though it's supposed to be free) and the nurse I talked to made me feel better about my issue. Said it's likely related to the stress of this month. I won't go into that here it's definitely under the TMI category. I'm losing it here, people.

I'm sorry to hear all of that, Art. You're right, I think. I wouldn't pay a cent until the stuff with your insurance company is resolved.

In the interest of misery loving company, H and I got in a fight over our television remote. I was full on screaming at him about it and everything. Flu and fertility hormones are not a fun combo.

I'm sorry, Daisy.

And I almost forgot because I don't care much about TV but one of our TV's crapped out yesterday too. So h and I got in a fight about it, of course. He wants to buy a new one and I'm like are you INSANE? We might have to pay 100% of your hospital bills!! We can't buy a TV right now!!

I have so had enough of 2018.

ok i just got a bright spot. yay. I logged into my class and my discussion posts have been graded. I got full credit yay! And the instructor even left comments. She said I did a good job summarizing the interview and the article I reviewed. And thanked me for including personal experiences relating to my answers (that was part of the rubrics, to get full credit, we had to.) I feel a tad bit better now. At least school is going well....

1 week until my least favorite day of the year. I might try to switch to Wed next week but not sure...I just know I need to distract myself as this year it's gonna be even worse

least favourite? what happened?

2 years ago on V-day my mom's dog died and I was all alone with him... it was so hard on me... and this year is my first without my beloved dog... he used to sit and chill with me while I watched RomComs every year... I have been really struggling with holidays since he passed.

Plus even though I don't want a relationship, it is an awful day to be reminded that you are single... I feel like everyone else has something and I've never had anything, even a date. I feel like a loser on that day. Thats why I watch RomComs lol

It's really quite ironic isn't it, that I'm studying Positive Psychology this semester? For our first paper due 2/12, I have to watch a documentary called "Happy". "Filmed on five continents, this documentary combines powerful stories and remarkable case studies with serious brain science to lead viewers toward a deeper understanding of how they can actively pursue a happier life."

I might be spouting curse words while watching it. Heh.

Hugs, Art...that sucks about your paycheck...

Are Costco's only in the US? I don't know. But anyway. Has anybody ever tried the Indian Madras Lentils they sell? It's a yellow box and there's 8 pouches. Oh man they are good. They're even vegetarian, gluten-free and non GMO. I finally bought some yesterday. They make for a very affordable lunch. I ate some for lunch today, and a big orange, and I'm just starting to feel the rumblings of hungry 7 hours later. Super yum.

Are you vegetarian as well? Ive never heard of these but I will look out for them next time I'm there

I had exactly this fight with Madame T.

If you give me a blank slate, I'll write whatever I want. That's the point, isn't it?

As Billy Joel said to his T (in "Pressure"): You have no scars on your face.

I agree.

Not quite yet, but I'm in the process of converting! I have a lot of friends who are (in the Shamanic/drumming community I belong to) and I decided it's what I want, too. I've been a lifelong carnivore with an aversion to all things green, so it's a process! Retraining my taste buds, I guess.

Info: ...that’s just part of the story you tell yourself.
ATAT: I asked you not to use the word story in that context
(Info makes a face—like the kind of face you make when you’ve done something stupid.)
ATAT: Do you remember what word I prefer?
Info: Uh...uh...narrative?
ATAT: Yes.
(Then a long explanation from Info about why her default word is “story.” And later)
Info: As I was saying, the narrative you tell yourself...yada yada.
ATAT: You remembered to use narrative.
Info: I’m a quick learner.
ATAT: Well, considering today is the fourth time I’ve asked you to use narrative...
Info: Fourth time’s the charm.

What I want to know is, this is a typical conversation for us in terms of tone. Am I being rude? She says no, I say yes. I’m not especially worried that I’m rude to her, if I am, just curious.

Fellow vegetarian here! Haven't tried those from Costco yet either, but will have to, since I'm a lentil fan.

Aww...that’s adorable — in a Taming of the Shrew kind of way, except I can’t fugure out who the shrew is here?

In shaky yoga tonight someone accidentally kicked their block into my face.

It’s a dangerous practice besides all the injuries like yoga foot drop.