Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

It was just a local q&a page where you can ask about businesses and your experience. I am bit miffed because one guy who is obviously a troll and attacks people is still in the group.

This reminded me of a time when i was newly divorced, which my family did not approve of, and i got a bad cold, and asked my mother to come bring me chicken soup. I had moved 40 miles away, and it was in the time before cell phones. But she just very harshly said no. I was pretty surprised. Looking back now, i wish i had let myself accept her rejection, instead of being in denial about it for soooooo long.

I'm experiencing signs of burnout, bleh.

Passive suicidal ideation for the entire work week, pulling long hours but still missing deadlines leading to upset users, irritability and fatigue, making A LOT more mistakes at work and getting chided, forcing myself to keep going despite negative motivation, poor sleep, lack of appetite, tense body and difficulty relaxing off work.

I already asked my boss for help. There's no help though she tries. It's all on me since bully coworker has been in hospital since Nov 2017 and we're also moving data centers and have several major projects going on.

Don't know how long I can keep this up. The whole department is overworked and this will last for several more months.

I giggled at this...it's SO cheesy and quite accurate for some of us! Being sad about vacations, wondering about their life, looking at their photos on social media... :P

Love Ballad To Your Therapist with Kristen Bell & Yvette Nicole Brown:


At least I can still chuckle lol

feels pretty much accurate to me!

I laughed!

I dare someone to send it to their T.

xD

You're doing the best you can in a very difficult situation.Your understaffed so I would take the deadlines as guidelines adding a few days on top. Would it be possible to get more help from your therapist right now for dealing with the suicidal thoughts?

I laughed. I think my T would think it's funny, but it would probably be way too real coming from me!

I just saw her yesterday I took yesterday off work on very short notice since the passive sui ideation was persistent. Fortunately my boss didn't ask questions.

I'm used to periodic bouts and I know I'm far from being actively sui but this is a warning sign I'm burning out so I'm glad I got to see T yesterday. She affirmed my decision to take the day off... She encouraged me to be as self compassionate as I can. Trying that amidst vocally unhappy users...eek.

I wouldn't mind weekly therapy (since I haven't been so stressed for so long in a while at work) but I'd agreed with my boss to fortnightly...It is already a big accommodation in my country and work culture. Few bosses would allow an employee to regularly take time off like I get to do. (T works in public healthcare and the first or last slot is still within regular work hours.) :/

I slept most of yesterday, checked email a bit. Went in slightly recharged but by the end of today, it was bad again. I hope I can recharge over the weekend somehow.

Been texting T lots. Wish her boundary allowed her to reply but it does help to vent about the stress to her. If it's terrible, I'll call the clinic to ask them to get her to return my call... I see her in two weeks time.

I wouldn't say I'm in acute crisis, just that I'm struggling to cope. I told T about the passive sui thoughts:

I find myself just completely baffled.

lol.....

I had two back to back dreams about t this morning..

One was I was home by myself and he knew it, it it was hard because my family was away somewhere. He brought his daughter and something he wanted to give me. Then they stayed and hung out for a while.

Second one, I was a new professor at a college teaching some kind of psychology topic. I was doing my first lecture in a big ball, and t was front and center. I looked at him on occasion for approval and he seemed pleased.

Tell me dreams are just dreams and they don’t mean anything!

I can understand kind of why I had them, my anxiety has been worse lately and I have been contemplating reaching out to t. It’s been a month since I last emailed him, and we are back to spacing appointments out.. so it’s been a couple of weeks before I see him again. And I am challenging my self to try to deal as much as possible on my own. But it’s a struggle.

I am tempted to accept this dare...

Long night. My father is out of surgery and the doctor said he did very very well. That’s great news. Home to catch a nap and shower before going back up there.

Glad to hear that, Jersey!

I am glad to hear that Jersey.

Good news jersey!

Do itttttttttttt!

I could not resist. I sent it to my therapist who I will be speaking with in the next hour:

“Funny as heck! I Hope you get to watch it before we talk.”

I also sent it to my ex therapist.

Brilliant!

Mischief managed for the day!

I'm glad you got to see her yesterday. One thing I've started doing a lot more over the past few days is lighting scented candles and using my blanket more. Which is inspired from the Danish book "The little book of hygge". Anything that helps you feel more comfortable is a plus. Even if it is eating a slice of chocolate cake. How far is your therapist from you?

Do you run or do any other form of exercise you enjoy?

Well that is a surprise! Just got an email from t, she sent me some healthy recipes! We'd talked some the other evening about my (good) weight loss, and I'd told her I want to start doing the vegetarian thing. She only very rarely emails me unless I've emailed her first so I am surprised (in a good way.) Now to check out the recipes....

I'm really frustrated. I've called this lawyer twice now and contacted him through his firm's contact form and no response. I just need somebody to help me or at least point me in the right direction. If I have to file separately, it's going to cost me over $6000 and I feel like I've already been punished enough by this whole situation.

The lawyer could be in trial Or out of the office right now. Lawyers are notorious for taking a long time to return phone calls. I'm sorry it is taking so long to hear back. If it's any consolation at all - failure to call back is one of the things to get listed on bar complaints a lot.

I wish I would just feel better already...ear drops are evil, and now I smell like peanuts whenever I have to use them.