Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

Amyjay · Feb 10, 2018, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisydid

Informal poll: on a scale from not weird at all to the weirdest thing ever, how weird is blowing bubbles in therapy? It was weird for me but I also love blowing bubbles.

I am so buying bubbles to pack in my therapy toolkit for next time!
(It also contains playdoh, essential oils, a scribble pad, a magnet kit, a treasure box, and a bag of crystals!)

JessLynn · Feb 10, 2018, 07:45 AM

Hello. I've never posted here before.

Feb 10, 2018, 08:20 AM

Hi jesslyn welcome to the couch!

Feb 10, 2018, 08:24 AM

Welcome to the couch, JessLynn!

Feb 10, 2018, 08:25 AM

Morning couchies! It's the weekend! I have to watch that documentary still and write my paper that's due Monday, well it has to be a minimum of 400 words so shouldn't take me long I can get it done while I'm doing laundry. If I get it done today I shall reward myself with a little hike in the desert tomorrow.

I'm going to get some bubbles today too.

Feb 10, 2018, 08:29 AM

I'm amused that I've started something.

Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

A desert hike sounds fun, Art! Definitely something fun to work towards. I have some class stuff I have to do today as well, and I just don't want to. I have to watch a clip of two children reading and talk about what levels they're at and how I can tell. Thankfully I don't have to reply to anyone else, since no one has done the assignment yet.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 10, 2018, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

hey couchies! what a day today. after all the stress of the past couple-3 weeks today was so needed. i had my yearly review, and i got all 4's and 5's (3 is "meets expectations" so I basically blew it outta the water, my overall score was 5. I got a 3.70% raise, where the average this year was 3%. Remember when I had that executive sitting with me awhile back, watching what we do on my team? He told me how impressed she was with me, how knowledgeable I am, and that she was so impressed that I called members to clarify things in their messages, and she even told him that she thought I was doing a better job of servicing our members than that team I tried to get on over the summer who wouldn't take me because I didn't interview well!! HA! I felt sooooo good after hearing all of that.

Then this afternoon I was working an email where the member spelled the word "been" like "bin" and I don't know why but I started giggling, and I just went into this hysterical giggling fit so bad that I had to go into the break room and get some water before I could settle down enough to answer the email, I think that giggling fit released ALL the stress I've been holding onto.

Then I talked to my mom for my entire drive home, and it was a great conversation.

Life is so amazing sometimes.

That's awesome, Art! If it's anything like my H's company (or my former job), those high marks can be hard to come by--supervisors are often limited in how many marks of a certain level they give out (since they tend to control raises).

And I could see myself laughing at something like "bin" too.

Feb 10, 2018, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That's awesome, Art! If it's anything like my H's company (or my former job), those high marks can be hard to come by--supervisors are often limited in how many marks of a certain level they give out (since they tend to control raises).

And I could see myself laughing at something like "bin" too.

Thanks!! And yep - 3's are what you're pretty much expected to get, 4's I've gotten before, this is the first time since I've been there (5+ years now) that I got no 3's at all! 5's are very rare and I have never gotten so many 5's before or an overall rating of 5. I should have expected it I guess, I did work my butt off last year!

oh that "bin" thing was just too much yesterday. it had been YEARS since I have had such an uncontrollable fit of the giggles!

Feb 10, 2018, 10:51 AM

wow. I'm an hour into the documentary now and there's some powerful stuff in there!! we have to choose 5 major ideas we learned and write about them referencing the case studies, i've chosen 3 so far, i'm going to have to rewatch them before i even try to write. just watched the case study where this guy was speaking to i guess middle school kids, maybe it was hs, not sure but it was about connecting to others, he quoted helen keller, who when someone interviewing her said it must be so hard to be blind, and she replied "it would be, if I had no vision. Because we really see with our heart." i cried when he had students come up and share their experience of being picked on and stuff. and when he had the kids that spoke say how they should treat each other. then he said it isn't the guys on the football field, THIS right here is what courage looks like. i cried and clapped right along with all the other students. dang if he could have came and spoke to my gradeschool umpteen years ago when i was being bullied. i'm going to write about this one for sure. this is big emotional stuff. i think i'm gonna take a break now and go make breakfast....

NP_Complete · Feb 10, 2018, 11:14 AM

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just being incredibly pathetic by not wanting to read the police report by myself. I wonder if he will think I'm being ridiculous if I ask him tomorrow. What do you guys think? It's just words on a page.

ElectricManatee · Feb 10, 2018, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just being incredibly pathetic by not wanting to read the police report by myself. I wonder if he will think I'm being ridiculous if I ask him tomorrow. What do you guys think? It's just words on a page.

I think it's a healthy impulse to want to read it with your T. Frankly, I think it would also be a healthy impulse to not want to read it at all, at least not right now. But you should do whatever helps you move toward health and stability.

Lots of awful and disturbing things are just words on a page. That doesn't make them not awful and not disturbing.

NP_Complete · Feb 10, 2018, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I think it's a healthy impulse to want to read it with your T. Frankly, I think it would also be a healthy impulse to not want to read it at all, at least not right now. But you should do whatever helps you move toward health and stability.

Lots of awful and disturbing things are just words on a page. That doesn't make them not awful and not disturbing.

My memories of that night are so fragmented. There was so much stuff going on around me. There were so many cops there with assault-type rifles it was overwhelming and it seemed like so many of them were asking me things. I just want to try to weave a more coherent narrative of that night. Also, I'm curious what things were happening with my husband that night. Did he do things I'm not aware of? What did he talk about for 6 hours on the phone with the crisis negotiator? I haven't really spoken with him since that night. I feel like I have no answers. I'm probably never going to get a satisfactory answer, but I have to try to find one anyway.

Cornucopia · Feb 10, 2018, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just being incredibly pathetic by not wanting to read the police report by myself. I wonder if he will think I'm being ridiculous if I ask him tomorrow. What do you guys think? It's just words on a page.

Not pathetic at all. And it’s not just words on a page, it’s more than that.

I think it’s a good idea to read it with him, and I think it will be good sharing it with him.

maybeblue · Feb 10, 2018, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

My memories of that night are so fragmented. There was so much stuff going on around me. There were so many cops there with assault-type rifles it was overwhelming and it seemed like so many of them were asking me things. I just want to try to weave a more coherent narrative of that night. Also, I'm curious what things were happening with my husband that night. Did he do things I'm not aware of? What did he talk about for 6 hours on the phone with the crisis negotiator? I haven't really spoken with him since that night. I feel like I have no answers. I'm probably never going to get a satisfactory answer, but I have to try to find one anyway.

I think it's a really healthy impulse to want to read this with your therapist. He won't think you are ridiculous. Naturally you have all kinds of emotions about this event and therefore the police report. I could see that those emotions could actually cloud your understanding of it. It could start the process to more healing, but it could also retraumatize you. It makes total sense to go through that with your therapist there so he can support you and so you can have another more objective person there to make sure that you understand everything it is saying. Your instincts are good.

NP_Complete · Feb 10, 2018, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maybeblue

I think it's a really healthy impulse to want to read this with your therapist. He won't think you are ridiculous. Naturally you have all kinds of emotions about this event and therefore the police report. I could see that those emotions could actually cloud your understanding of it. It could start the process to more healing, but it could also retraumatize you. It makes total sense to go through that with your therapist there so he can support you and so you can have another more objective person there to make sure that you understand everything it is saying. Your instincts are good.

We listened to my 911 call together. I don't know if I was retraumatized by it because I'm not sure what that looks like exactly, but I did dissociate pretty heavily that day. This police report has lots of detail in it and when I started to read it the other day I felt like I was about to go full flashback with it and had to put it down. Actually, I'm not really sure what a flashback looks like either, but it felt frightening to start reading those words.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 10, 2018, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I think it's a healthy impulse to want to read it with your T. Frankly, I think it would also be a healthy impulse to not want to read it at all, at least not right now. But you should do whatever helps you move toward health and stability.

Lots of awful and disturbing things are just words on a page. That doesn't make them not awful and not disturbing.

I completely agree with this. Police reports can also be written very...I'm not sure if "clinically" is the right word, but they can sound harsh. I'm basing this on when I got a DWI in 2004--they had to read the police report in court, and I sounded SO horrible in it, that I'm mystified that I managed to just get probation before judgment*. Stuff about how I wouldn't turn car off when police requested it (I was terrified! but they acted like it was because I was going to hurt them or something), how I screwed up part of sobriety test by starting before they told me to (I've since read those tests are designed for people to fail, to give them probable cause for Breathalyzer), how I seemed "disheveled," etc. All awesome things to hear, let alone with my parents in the courtroom...

*Where, as long as I served my probation without incident, aside from a fine, having to attend 12-week alcohol education classes (with occasional drug tests) that I paid for, and an AA meeting (and being forbidden to consume alcohol for a year) there was no criminal record--I had a separate process regarding my driver's license, which was limited to only driving to work for 3 months, then had hearing to get it back (and it stayed on my driving record for 10 years).

chihirochild · Feb 10, 2018, 12:13 PM

(((NP)))

FWIW I agree 100% with EM and maybeblue and Cornucopia—the impulse to ask for support in this situation is wise and brave. Laws and constitutions and Shakespeare and HP Lovecraft are all “words on a page,” but they have real-world power and consequences, can make people feel or act or shiver or yearn. This is a big deal, NP. You are *not* being pathetic.

ETA: I agree with LT too—I saw her post after submitting mine

Feb 10, 2018, 12:27 PM

I think it's a healthy and wise thing to do, NP, just as everyone else said. I waited to listen to a VM left by my biological mother a while back until I saw my exT and I'm very, very glad I did. I needed the support that he provided in that moment, because I was very highly activated.

Also as I write this I'm having a very different experience of that session. Hmm. Going to journal when I get home.

WarmFuzzySocks · Feb 10, 2018, 12:47 PM

((NP)) Chiming in to agree with the others, that you’re wise to read the report with support.

It’s not just words on a page. That’s a part of your own experience on that page. It takes a lot of courage to look at it in black and white.

Do you think that it would help before reading the report to talk through ideas/plan with your t for how to deal with feeling overwhelmed in that session and to care for yourself after the session? Since you’ve listened to the 911 call together, you might have some ideas for where you’ll need support and what might be helpful.

Hugs. You’ve got this.

NP_Complete · Feb 10, 2018, 01:11 PM

I know I don't want to do it during the last session of the week. The weekend after listening was rough. I also need him to remind me not to drive if I dissociate. I need to be able to sit somewhere until I can be 100%. I'm surprised I didn't run over a pedestrian last time.

WarmFuzzySocks · Feb 10, 2018, 01:30 PM

I need to clean the bathroom and do productive things.

I want to lie in bed and read all day and drink coffee.

Sigh.

I’m going to hit post then go clean all the things. (And drink coffee.)

atisketatasket · Feb 10, 2018, 01:46 PM

Not having a good day. Was enjoying yoga class this morning when the instructor, also the studio owner, came over to give me a minor form correction, which was fine, except she touched me to try to move me into place. Being touched without warning and being touched to be moved are major triggers for me. I naturally resist and my body tenses to push back against the toucher, which is what happened today, plus in doing so I almost lost my balance. I don’t know why she couldn’t just have said “put your weight a little more on your right leg.” This happened with the same instructor a few months ago too—the others all ask before touching or give verbal corrections.

Anyway, I spent the last third of the class trying not to cry, and then shaky yoga with the same instructor doing the same thing. I’m just coming down from being upset. I know it’s not about her, but something else entirely, but that it was SO upsetting is upsetting in itself.

Feb 10, 2018, 02:09 PM

That sounds hard. Sorry.

If it's the same instructor, ATAT, would it be possible to ask her to get your permission to touch you to correct? Or just to verbally correct?

I know that I wouldn't continue to go to classes where they touched to correct, but it's obviously a good studio if you keep going back.

chihirochild · Feb 10, 2018, 02:54 PM

Today's accomplishments:
-did laundry for the first time in 7 weeks (I was on ICU for 4/7 weeks so I wore hospital-laundered scrubs almost every day)
-cleaned the bathroom
-took out the trash
-took out the recycling
-emptied the dishwasher

That means I can go back to bed for the rest of the day, right?

(actually I can't totally check out because I also have to write the results section of a paper, but I guess I can do that in bed so hah)

atisketatasket · Feb 10, 2018, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisydid

If it's the same instructor, ATAT, would it be possible to ask her to get your permission to touch you to correct? Or just to verbally correct?

I dunno...I sort of feel like other people aren't responsible for my triggers, and I shouldn't expect the world to adjust itself to me, but manage my reactions better.

It'll also be confusing to explain because I have asked her for help with poses a couple times, and she touched me then, and it was fine because I asked for the help and expected the touching.

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