Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

Yeah, the thing I think they miss is that while it's a workday to them, the person across from them is likely being open and vulnerable, the way that therapy seems to dictate. So even if their issues are not as pressing as the therapist's, the therapist is wearing work armor while the client is skinless. Things are going to feel infinitely more intense for the client in that setting (for those who open up in therapy and take that risk, that is). It's so much better to know that there were factors outside of me at play, rather than to take the blame for all of it on myself or to think I imagined it all.

Therapy is too damn hard. I think I hit a personal best today. 0 to crying in under a minute. I feel like I keep screwing everything up. It was so tough today he wants to do a 20 minute phone call Sunday because he's going to be out on Monday and it will be 6 days before our next in-person session. He wants to discuss my feelings about today's session, after I've had time to reflect on it, but my emotions are all over the map right now. I don't know if I can even construct a cohesive narrative about what happened today.

I agree. It's good that your therapist was honest with you after the fact, but if she was in that rough of an emotional state, maybe she shouldn't have been at work at all? That's something that T has said to me in regard to my feeling I should let MC off the hook for certain things because of his wife's illness and passing--that it's up to the T to take care of themselves, to get their own therapy as needed, to not come to work if they can't be present.

I hope you'll still be able to talk about the particular issue you had brought up with your T in the future.

Hugs, NP. I was crying on the way to session the other day (then in session), so I get it. You're not screwing things up--you're dealing with a very difficult and painful situation. That's good he's offering the Sunday phone call--hopefully you'll take him up on it. Maybe you can try journaling about what happened in session today? Not tonight necessarily, but when you feel more ready for it. I find it helps me process things if I type/write them out (but it might be different for you).

Elio, that sounds like a scary way to feel, like you're slipping away from yourself. Is there any one moment you can trace back and say it started then? Do you think it could be because you are so diligent and hardworking in therapy, giving so much you are exhausted?

I'm sorry you're suffering right now, Elio. Do you think it has to do with your therapist's long weekend coming up? Anticipatory rejection in action?

Yeah, the thing I think they miss is that while it's a workday to them, the person across from them is likely being open and vulnerable, the way that therapy seems to dictate. So even if their issues are not as pressing as the therapist's, the therapist is wearing work armor while the client is skinless. Things are going to feel infinitely more intense for the client in that setting (for those who open up in therapy and take that risk, that is). It's so much better to know that there were factors outside of me at play, rather than to take the blame for all of it on myself or to think I imagined it all.

*I don't know where to post this so figured this is good enough place, I will deleted it if belongs somewhere else.

I have been struggling for a while. I'll have moments of feeling better, mostly I'm just so sad, I've lost whatever little interest I did have in things, and my ED is not being managed. I'm shutting down. I can feel how fake I am becoming. I have started to debate even keeping up my journal. I believe T doesn't want me to email her and she doesn't want to keep seeing me at some level forever (the plan was to keep her monthly/every other month as a touchstone around my ED issues once all other things had gotten addressed).

And no T hasn't said anything to indicate these beliefs. In fact, we've been discussion increasing sessions and moving more psychoanalysis/analytical.

I feel like I'm not living a life. That what people see is not me, that I'm not allowed to live.

A bright spot in dark gery day Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are making another movie

oolllyyyymmmppiiccssssss. i can ignore the hellfire that is my country and focus on superior athletiscm.

I thought you were in canada?

*I don't know where to post this so figured this is good enough place, I will deleted it if belongs somewhere else.

I have been struggling for a while. I'll have moments of feeling better, mostly I'm just so sad, I've lost whatever little interest I did have in things, and my ED is not being managed. I'm shutting down. I can feel how fake I am becoming. I have started to debate even keeping up my journal. I believe T doesn't want me to email her and she doesn't want to keep seeing me at some level forever (the plan was to keep her monthly/every other month as a touchstone around my ED issues once all other things had gotten addressed).

And no T hasn't said anything to indicate these beliefs. In fact, we've been discussion increasing sessions and moving more psychoanalysis/analytical.

I feel like I'm not living a life. That what people see is not me, that I'm not allowed to live.

I sent my T that Kristen Bell video, and she replied that it was "funny and adorable." She hadn't seen it before I sent it but now it's apparently blowing up on her Facebook feed. Yesterday she wanted to "process" the video in session ("it was funny, but how does that make you feeeeel?"). Then she told me some similar things she felt about a former therapist of hers. It was completely charming.

My T also wanted thought it was funny and wanted to process it with me... I think she wanted to know what parts of it (beyond separation and mommy) resonated with me. I didn't tell her that most of it resonated with me. I think it is nice that your T shared some of her experiences around it and her therapy - as long as that type of disclosure works for you guys.