Are therapists ever "wrong"?

I never experienced one who was right - but the woman did not admit it. So I stopped letting her talk.

[QUOTE=mcl6136;6000960]
Oops. I hijacked my own thread.

Mine (plural) sadistically threw me under the bus to avoid confronting or admitting their errors. They appeared to need to see themselves as god figures.

Perfect!

Yes I have also been on the giving end of an apology quite a few times.

thank you....and I agree about the text and email, especially in light of the fact that the initial issue was about someone emailing me!!

I see inability to admit fault as a core aspect of the collective therapist mindset.

I think it's necessary to preserve illusions, because admitting fault brings the therapist down to the client's level. And this reveals the contrived social hierarchy that underpins the game.

It's also classic narc behavior. Or just a sign of deep insecurity.

There are exceptions but I can't count how many stories i've read where a rupture sent a therapist into a near-psychotic frenzy of client blaming. Happened to me as well.

My T has apologized at every possible rupture. Recently, I was secretly mad at her that she made me take the Myers-Briggs test (even though i have taken it before) durign hte session, but i couldn't actually tell her that bc i am a big wuss.

Anyway, I wrote her after that session to tell her i was really angry and upset, and not entirely sure why (lie!)

She wrote back by telling me she wanted to apologize for making me take that test, and she felt bad about it. She said she sometimes wants me to feel better so bad that she interjects her agenda over mine, and she needs to remember to step back.

Poof, anger went away.

I have had Ts apologize. One gave me misinformation about pdoc: she totally owned it and apologized and was really careful after that. Others have apologized for triggering me, for letting me leave triggered. One apologized for allowing her agenda to intrude. One apologized for encouraging me to lower defenses. Two apologized for not believing me when I said that going in the direction they wanted would result in me being too dependent on them. And there's been more, I am sure.

I don't think that I need to apologize to them. They are doing what they are trained to do, what they are being paid to do. At least, they had better be doing that. If not, then they owe me a huge apology. There have been times where I have told them that they were right about something-but I always tell them to not let it go to their heads.

I play enough devil's advocate in my own head, I need a T that takes my side and supports me.

Unusual and I think her honesty...and your own...are extraordinary

I've not been damaged by anything in therapy. Unless I was abused how could I? Everything is up for discussion.
I reject T's summary at times and we continue to talk about it.
T has apologised for not being clearer now and again if I've questioned something.
But damaged? No. Everything has a use if we're open to looking and talking

Yes, whenever I’ve been hurt by something my T said, he gave a genuine apology, which I appreciated. It was never an “I’m sorry if I...” but rather an “I’m sorry that I...”

I find that one little “if” to make a big difference

Yes mine has apologized..one time for being a jackass...for giving me mixed messages. He's apologized for dropping the ball with acknowledging I needed more reassurance during trauma work. He's apologized for his handling boundary changes .

I think that's the issue. I think many therapists are narcs, or have excessive narcissistic tendencies. Many but maybe not all.

Too bad they can't look at themselves about that. I'd love to see some articles about "The signs of a narcissistic therapist", "How to avoid a narcissistic therapist", "How to recover from narcissistic abuse by a therapist", etc. I certainly had no idea about that before I entered therapy.

Good luck, mcl6136! It will be interesting to hear how things go, positive, negative, or somewhere in between!

Therapists are not all the same though
Sure there are narcissist ones. Ones that have huge egos. Ones that never admit fault

But believe it or not! There are ones that are humble and do admit mistakes and apologize.

They don't all fit in one box

This, and my various T's have all been humble and willing to make right whatever they have gotten wrong. And it's been an important part of my own growth to be able to confront T and others in ways that are productive and open hearted. I used to be more accusatory and attacking and neither of those really help bring a situation into a place of understanding and support.

I think it's a really important part of all relationships to figure out how to right what goes off the rails. I've never had any relationship that was just smooth sailing. T or not. What makes or breaks the relationship is how you manage the disagreements or other negative interactions.

Therapists are not the only ones with huge egos and problems with narcissism. Clients bring these traits to therapy and it can be clients who make it impossible to resolve even the smallest disagreements. I've had some interactions out in the world with narcissistic people and I end up walking away after I realize I actually don't like banging my head against the wall. You never know whose issues makes things blow up, but one thing I know for sure is that in my own therapy, the way my T's have handled criticism of what they have said and done has helped me be more gentle with other people. Therapy has helped me learn how to be open about what's bothering me without annihilating the other person.

I haven't had any Ts mess up severely. However, when I was in rehab as a teen, I got into a huge thing with one of the Ts there, and it went crazy so that my clinical psychologist had to get involved, etc... and she did apologize and realize that she didn't know me enough to try to push something on me that I didn't want.

In the end, they're human too. Mistakes can happen, it just sucks in that situation.

I'd tell her how it made you feel. No blame, no rage, just honestly telling her how you feel and that you're having a hard time dealing with it...

I've talked to two dozen of 'em, and read/listened to many more. The profession clearly attracts a good number of narcs and insecure types, and i think it's helpful to acknowledge patterns and tendencies in the biz, rather than see each therapist as a special little snowflake.

Therapists should be held to a higher standard than other people when it comes to admitting mistakes, etc. They are paid to be exemplars of healthy relating, so they should not be given a gold star when they fess up to doing something stupid. It's their job. And when they fail at this, leaving some vulnerable person in distress, they should be crucified.

I was heavily manipulated by one, and then others that followed telegraphed similar tendencies. But who cares? I now find it futile and pointless, all my prior fretting about therapists acknowledging responsibility or not. They're just paid actors. Even if one confesses the most heinous transgression, sobs at your feet, who the hell cares. Many of them would just as quickly bounce you to the next therapist, if they thought it appropriate. They probably have little emotional stake in the relationship, because the client is not real to them, and is only one of many widgets that files through the machinery of therapy. That's my take.

Yes they can be.

I had a therapist who told me I was never bullied because I was not physically bullied.

Being a child therapist you’d think she would have known better.

Yes, they can be wrong. My T has regularly apologized to me for things that she has done that have hurt me. Even if it's only because of my history and experiences and "normal" people would have no issue.

She openly and willingly will admit when she is wrong and will discuss in as much depth as I want when we have disagreements.

Yes, you would. Damn that's cluelessness. And the older I get, the more willing I am to point out the clueless moments. Well, I try to frame it in a more constructive way than that but you get the point. I think if nothing else, therapy can be a laboratory for learning how to object to clueless utterances!

I hope you let her have it!

This is wonderful. I do question whether a normal person would have had the issue that I did or would have just blown it off!

I don't understand why you're so hellbent on trying to make others doubt their therapists and their therapy

If your Ts have all been humble, then they are modeling the kind of approach you're talking about. Being gentle with a humble person makes sense. I think in the past, I have tried to be humble with an overly directive, grandiose person....a bad T and also at times at work and in relationships. In those cases, it's an appeasement strategy that doesn't pay off, like unilateral disarmament. The dictator on the other end sees gentleness as weakness and takes advantage. My task is to be able to discern who can operate in a spirit of generosity and who can't. Ts included. I realize there's a lot of grey area here but that's a general take on things, for me at least.