Virginity

Hi so I recently lost my virginity. I’m 19, it was with my boyfriend, and it was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, but I still want to talk to my therapist about it because of some thought pattern stuff that I’ve been dealing with that came up in relation to this. And I mean also this is kinda a big step and idk. I just want to mention it to her, but I’m awkward about sex and have no idea how to do this or even if I should. Will it be awkward for both of us? Does she really not want to hear this? Or is this something I should bring up? Ugggg. Please let me know what you think.

If she is a good therapist, she will be comfortable talking about sex and will welcome the discussion... be brave

I think it's good that you want to talk about whatever is on your mind. It might be awkward for you, but I really doubt your T will feel awkward. In my experience, most adults are fairly comfortable talking about sex, and that goes double or triple for therapists. I have talked about several different sex-related topics in therapy, and my T has never seemed the least bit uncomfortable.

Whenever I want to bring up something that could feel weird, I preface it by saying something like, "I really feel like I need to discuss something pretty personal but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, is that ok?" That makes them get their therapist face on. I've never had one say "no." I once went into great detail about a vaginal exam with a male therapist. He handled it quite well. If it bothered him, he sure managed to hide it.

Wow props to you! That is one thing I don't think I could ever do with my T. (Also male)

It was relevant...I was upset about the way the doctor acted. Perhaps a tiny part of me wanted to crack the therapist mask though and so I went into a little more detail than absolutely necessary. He didn't freak out. I was impressed.

I have "the opposite problem", but I think I can relate. I'm still a virgin, I have no chances to have sex, and I worry that I'll die without knowing what is it. Sometimes I want to bring it up, but I can't, because he's a man... And I would die of embarrassment.

Anyway, I agree with everyone. Every good therapist is able to handle sex related topics.

I appreciate this thread. “Awkward” is probably a really good word and, I suppose, resonates with my experience in relation to this topic. I wish I could offer more advice.

Much peace to you.

I have issues like pain when attempting sex. T has asked gently about "physical intimacy" twice and I've told her it wasn't achievable due to the pain. I've never brought the topic to, but the first time she did, I felt both extremely embarrassed and also quite relieved.

I've also brought up my embarrassment about talking about it to her, and asked if it's an OK topic for therapy. She assured me it's an appropriate topic for therapy and she understands the reluctance to talking due to cultural taboos.

Have you heard of a conditon called vaginismus?

I had it for 10 years and it was utter hell. If there is no physical problems with you, there is a good chance you might have this. It is physical but psychological as well.

Feel free to pm me